Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

I am feeling suicidal like it is realistically the only option i have left to escape this hell except that i dont want to act on it or do anything i just feel horrible and like i should do it but i dont want to do it. and idk where that leaves me like i have such conflicting thoughts on the matter it would be much easier if i felt one way or the other but i dont and i dont know what to do with myself. like i dont think i am unsafe because i dont plan to do anything but it is very uncomfortable just having to sit and let the thoughts swim around in my head nagging at me. does this happen to anyone else? how do you deal with it? 

[wellwellwellnez]

I think part of the answer is to be okay with having that kind of struggle. The journey from tolerating life to being in a place where you can truly appreciate living has to start, each time, in the here and now. Let every, even the tiniest rewards add up. Double points even. Give yourself those points.

[Tillys_human]

I've been dealing with this constantly for a period of time now. I don't want to act on it either. Sometimes it takes up every brain cell that I have and I cannot escape the overwhelming urge to just give up and escape the physical and emotional pain that it brings.

"I don't want to die" is where I'm at. It nags and nags and nags but I always remember that I just... don't want to die. 

God knows I'm in no better shape than you my friend but happy to send you a virtual hug that I hope makes you feel like you're not in this alone. 

[MDT]

howdy @Eden1919

I have experienced the same. So yeah - it does happen to me.

The feeling of horribleness and yuckiness that comes is quite hard to tolerate. There are so many renumerating thoughts at that moment aren't there as well.

It's hard to sit there and let those thoughts swim around. Usually I have, in the past, just tried to limit anything that makes me feel worse. even if i have to sit there and take it on. Other times, distraction is good for my mental health in those times - i can just tune in to something completely different

[CogsWhirl]

HI,

Sorry, I know what these thoughts are like as I also have to deal with them. To counter them  I try and do things that I can  be proud of, even simple little things like doing the dishes or sweeping the floors.  Something that I can look back on at night and say I have achieved this despite all the crap, I have done this.  Know that there are others that go through this too and you are definitely not alone. 

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Eden1919,

It takes so much strength to put these thoughts down into words, and courage to reach out to others who are also living with thoughts of suicide. There is so much support here from @CogsWhirl @MDT @Tillys_human @wellwellwellnez which illustrates to me just how many of us experience these thoughts and sit with the discomfort of thoughts of suicide in our lifetimes. There are also suggestions here about how others have coped with the discomfort, and I would be interested to hear if there is anything you have found that works for you @Eden1919?

[Eden1919]

@wellwellwellnez @Tillys_human @MDT @CogsWhirl @Daisydreamer  thank you all for your kind replies. it is good to know i am not alone in these feelings. 

I have been trying to watch funny videos on youtube and listen to music and stuff like that but i am still struggling a lot with these thoughts and feelings. 

[MDT]

Hearing you @Eden1919
Take care my friend and keep us posted if you wish.
Many here know how you feel

[Eden1919]

I feel really bad today. I can’t stop the thoughts. 

[periwinklepixie]

Sorry to hear it's a hard day @Eden1919 

Sometimes the thoughts wont go away for me either and it is just about learning to live with them. A technique I use is saying to myself 'I acknowledge I am having the thought that..'' This helps me create a distance between myself and the thought, somewhat. 

Are you feeling safe at the moment? 

Take care,

- periwinklepixie