Lived Experience Forum

[florencefifty]

I spoke to my psychologist yesterday and one aspect of the session bothered me.

She said that I struggle with social behaviour. I am definitely confident and outgoing, but I struggle to learn the “rules” of social interaction.

She basically said I shouldn’t talk to strangers. I should meet people through shared interests. She said that if I was to talk to a woman in a cafè, for example, she would automatically see me as a threat. Whereas if you meet someone through shared interests, they are expecting to meet you.

She said that even though it’s unfair, women are scared of me because they don’t know me and assume I’m a threat. I don’t have to agree with it, but I should accept it.

Even when talking to other guys. I mentioned that I was talking to a couple of guys at a bar I went to, when I had a breakdown last month. I talked to them about how I should quit alcohol. They seemed genuinely concerned and didn’t seem to mind my company.

She said that they may have just been “humouring” me. I asked her what “humouring” meant and she said “going along with you, pretending to care so you would eventually leave.” I wouldn’t have been able to recognise the difference between listening and humouring unless it was super obvious.

Work is another example.

She said she would go into more detail about work in the next session, but I develop emotional bonds with my teammates, as if they were friends. You spend eight hours a day with them, you joke with them, you try to make work as fun and comfortable as possible for them… it doesn’t make sense to then turn around and say “you don’t mean anything to me more than just a colleague.” Like you could be well-known and loved among your co-workers, but when you leave the job, you’re history?

That’s a pretty sad world to be in.

I mean I get it. Most people don’t give a […], to put it bluntly. You should find and appreciate those who do. But I like to see a friend in everyone I guess. I mean everyone is a potential friend. Think of the person closest to you. Your partner, or your life mentor.

When you first met, they could have been dismissive to you because you were a stranger, or “just a colleague”, and you wouldn’t have even known each other.  That’s pretty scary to me.

[Former-Member]

Hi @florencefifty 

I am not a counsellor or psychologist.

Going by what you wrote, i disagree with all you are told. I feel you also disagree. But i am not sure if there are deeper concerns of you being scammed.

I agree with you meeting others and finding friends at work. I found it funny you went to a bar and said you want to give up alcohol. But maybe you had an orange juice and just enjoyed the company. I drink water if l go to a pub.

Emphasis on me not being qualified but l would suggest a new counsellor or psychologist. Many people cannot ho out like you do.

You sound excellent.

Maybe chat to a Sane Counsellor

[Paperdaisy]

I hear you @florencefifty social issues are hard. Thank you for sharing, I find this topic so interesting, I started studying sociology before switching to psychology. I guess in some ways I see what the counsellor is trying to say. I'm guessing you have summarised the interaction here so it may come across as harsher than it was but I don't want to minimise your feelings about it, they are very valid.

We all follow social rules to some degree cause in some ways it keeps us safe. I can understand how speaking to a stranger in a cafe might be seen as a threat, I guess it would depend on the context. The social rule I like to use is standing in an elevator.. everyone faces the doors right? It's a social rule.. if someone turned the other way and faced everyone (without there being a good reason to do that) it would be a bit odd wouldn't it? What do you think?

I think colleagues can become friends.. some people become very close.. we're all different aren't we?

Lots to think about 😊