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Something’s not right

Goodgutz
Contributor

So u had an experience and ...

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont talk so loud ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont say that ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh behave yourself (at47years)ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh your ungratefull for everything weve done ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont use bi-polar as an excuse ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont use your experience as your excuse aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh believe me no believe me no believe me ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no wonder i am writing these words in a "sane" forum to some how vent to someone who wont get hurt by me talking to them ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - - - - -  Having a mood disorder or feeling abnormal for a long time now on meds for bipolar family says dont use bipolar as an excuse well then why the fricken heck am i on meds if i cant use the reason for my fluctuating moods bastard depression erradicate bipolar diss-ease ahhhhhhhhhhhhh          yeah yeah the only thing that helps is diet and exercise im too slack and I find the only things for me that help are music(when im not paranoid) and when i am paranoid I write and write and write and whilst i dont expect an answer in return i am amazed at how liberating writing can be. I usually write in my diary confidentially so then why am i writing where people can read this is puzzling to me, is this me reaching out to a person? Is this me wanting to be heard instead of being so insular, is this me searching for some feedback with their own story to help make me feel more fortunate cause someone else has done it harder and tougher than me ahhhhhhhhhhhhh sometimes i say foolish things for which i am always apologising for, im sorry perhaps someone reads my story and goes wow a like minded person i get that and woways me that i hate so much ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh perhaps someone can read this and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh that is my goal to someday smile and laugh a genuine smile and laugh Id love to laugh again hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ramblings from a searching not so lonely person !

7 REPLIES 7

Re: So u had an experience and ...

Hey goodgutz,
it is a interesting roller coaster we travel on.... I am very much a internalizing person I keep everything vwry close to me and not to open and honest with thosr close to me.... however I found as you seem to be finding a place to vent your internal feelings and getting things off your chest in the space of this forum.
I found that writing here to be heard by others going through similar was/is very helpful
I found myself actually admitting things about myself and then having realization about what I wtote helped me.... plus the members here are very understanding.
They might not have any answers but sometimes I write something not looking for an answer but just wanting to get it off my chest.
I sense it will be similar for you and you seem frustrated by those around you and seem to feel you can't express yourself how you would like to those close to you. I am happy to hear your story and how you are I come on this forum nearly everyday sometimes I post sometimes I just read and absorb the similarities between what I am experiencing and what others also expierence.
I suffer with what is seeming to be diagnosed as mixed representative bipolar disorder or as my gp put it bipolar 3 which is very difficult to diagnose so I am expecting a long time before I know for sure what my diagnosis is.
I think it means I get low mania and depression at the same time which makes more sense to me being up and alert and motivated while being depressed is a weird combo.
I am very happy to answer any questions you might have
regards
kato

Re: So u had an experience and ...

I realise that i am lonely and feel the need to meet with others to re-gain a sense of belonging.

Re: So u had an experience and ...

I too feel lonely I am surrounded by family.
But I still find myself feeling alone, I play a computer game with players from around the world but ot still is not the same
hopefully I can reconnect with my friends in the future and get more social but I have found this forum helps me to connect with people who are traveling the similar road is also helpful

Re: So u had an experience and ...

You are not alone. It is not an excuse !.
I understand the loneliness it can be helped by talking with others like you like us. Or those who truly understand mental illness. You could try getting your family to attend a seminar about Bipolar so they actually get it. Tell them there is free punch and pie... even if there isnt.

Re: So u had an experience and ...

Welcome, Goodgutz...I was a journal writer at home until my mother helped herself to reading a PRIVATE thingy, so never again.....I moved country so it is okay now. Loneliness is a human condition...sounds trite but true, I wish it wasn't because I am so lonely now.

Re: So u had an experience and ...

Goodgutz, I withdrew my last comment, not nice,.

loopy

Re: So u had an experience and ...

Are we all in the same boat?
is it sinking or floating?
scream and tear and blunder
are we all in the same boat?

hope can endure
Rick
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