Lived Experience Forum

[florencefifty]

TW for ED: discusses weight loss

I have always thought that I "need" to lose weight. Now, I acknowledge that I need to lose weight.

Since I have started my new job, I have noticed some palpitations, chest discomfort and shortness of breath during and after work. I think my CV system is not really coping with the stress.

My legs hurt a lot, and there's a school of thought that inactivity makes you more susceptible to the types of injuries I've been noticing. I need to see a doctor about my knee. It hasn't gotten better in around six weeks.

I don't eat very well. I was having a 500mL bottle of chocolate milk earlier tonight, and that's the first time I recall actually feeling kind of gross.

Who the [...] drinks chocolate milk from a bottle? It's delicious, but it's not something you see every day.

I've been reluctant to lose weight, for other reasons.

I have been well and truly unloved my entire life. I know losing weight makes you look better and it means you get noticed more.

I want someone to love me as I am now. I don't want to tell people that the secret of my turnaround is to change the way I look.

Something about me means that no-one is interested in me. After wishing it wasn't true for three years, I think it's time to look at the most obvious explanation.

I just don't know if it's worth living a life where the only one who's ever loved you, didn't know you when you needed them. They found you because you looked good.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @florencefifty 

I've seen you post around here, hi, it's really honest and self aware the way you write.

I think this is something I feel innately too.

I have not liked the attention and love I got for looking thin, and have felt ppl mock me now because I'm over weight.

Feminist writer roxane gay writes about being overweight as 'hiding in plain sight,"

I think society teaches us to wait to be loved when we look a certain way...

I wander if there's any part of u that feels beautiful and enough....

For me there is none, and I want to change that

[Historylover]

It's not what's on the outside, @florencefifty, but what's on the inside.

If you need to lose weight, make it a project. Exercise daily, just a walk will do wonders for you and your outlook, your self-preservation, and look into your diet. It's more than important, it's crucial for your long-term health. 

Remember that you're doing it for yourself, not for anyone else. And enjoy the journey. Take care.

[Appleblossom]

@florencefifty 

Hearing you.

I have always not wanted to make a big deal about losing weight, cos I have a lot of hang ups about being worthy of love and attention and feel that the beauty business is not good and not get into the vanity or superficiality and all those kind of things.

A doctor said to me in the 1980s that some women use weight as a protective measure, and I feel I have actually done that.  Layers to keep the outside world from invading me.  With my lack of boundaries and history it makes sense.  

Bottom line is tho, weight matters to our health.  So finally in last few years I have allowed myself to say and admit I need to lose a few pounds.  Still have not done it yet, but managed not to let it balloon out.

Take Care
Apple

[Gwynn]

I can understand the frustration about wanting to be loved just because we are intrinsically worthy of love, not because we 'glow up' and earn the right to be worthy of love.  I tend to treat exercise as part of my self-care / self-love, because it reduces the pain I experience, and builds my capacity and strength.  I try not to care about 'how I look', just because it would take far more work than I am currently putting in to make any real change in that, and focus on 'how I feel' and 'what progress am I making in the gym'.

What changes do you want to make to how you feel through exercise? 

[hanami]

Hi everyone,

I would just like to highlight that this conversation could be difficult or uncomfortable for some members of our community. Sometimes when reading conversations such as these it can be helpful to reach out to supports to help you through.

Just a friendly reminder that SANE Australia's drop in line  which connects you with counsellors, is available from 10am to 10pm AEST. Their number is 1800 187 263.

Here is the link to The Butterfly Foundations referral pathway.

Thanks to everybody and take care!

hanami💮