Lived Experience Forum

[bonsai_281]

Hi. I guess I just need someone to relate with. I'm in my late 30s and have a wonderful partner and 2 young toddlers. I've struggled with depression for about 10 years, been on medication on and off and counselling as well. My partner and I have been together for just over four years, and he has been very supportive of me. But lately, it has been harder for us to talk to each other. We're a military family, but that's not the issue.

For a long time I've been a tad of a recluse. I have a hard time going out on my own, never feeling safe outside the confines of my own house. I can go shopping for groceries and necessities but if you tell me to go out for a walk on my own and I could end up with a mini episode of a panic attack. This is one of the things that my partner struggles to come to terms with. He's very outdoorsy and feels like we can't share experiences because I don't want to go out. Going outside is exhausting to me both mentally and emotionally. And this is the tip of the ice berg. He doesn't understand, and I have a hard time explaining how it looks like in my head. He's tired, and doesn't want to hear it anymore. He says I'm all talk and no action... I feel like I just can't talk to him anymore.

[Snowie]

Hi @bonsai_281 and welcome to the forums.

My husband was in the military too.

It is hard to explain to our partners what is going through our heads. I have social anxiety too and struggle to leave the house for non essential things also.

Do you have any professional supports in place for you?

I find that sometimes it is helpful for my husband to come to my psychologist sessions occasionally. Sometimes the psych can explain what is going on inside my head better then I can!

PLease keep reaching out here for support. If you would like to tag anyone just put a @ in front of their name like I did with yours.

Take care of you 💖

[bonsai_281]

Thanks @Snowie. Yes we have been to counselling together and it did help. But he says he's tired of trying so hard to help me, and I don't seem to want to do anything to change. I'd mentioned that it comes in waves and I don't know how to deal with it.

We moved for a new posting in January, and with COVID I find it even harder to leave the house! My partner doesn't really understand why I find it so hard to go for a walk. I have a new psychologist I'm going to see but my closest friends are back 'home'. I don't make friends easily anymore, it's too exhausting. Digital forums seem easier... so thank you for reaching out 😊

[Snowie]

oh @bonsai_281 I completly understand. I have not got many friends in real life and digital life is much eaasier.

I think it makes it easier too when you can relate to the other person.

How was your day today?

[bonsai_281]

Was the best this week. Managed to get my kids out of the house to the shops, after a little breathing exercise. We were out of the house for about 2 hours and it felt like forever! How do you handle it?