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Clearasmud
New Contributor

Post traumatic stress

Hello is anyone living with a family member who has post traumatic stress? I have a family member with it and I feel like I am the victim here. I would like to know about the experiences of others 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Post traumatic stress

Hi There @Clearasmud and welcome to the Forums.

I'm curious about what you mean when you say you're feeling like the victim- could you tell us a bit more about what that means or looks like for you? I'm also wondering if there's anything in particular you're interested in hearing about from others' experiences? 

Re: Post traumatic stress

My understanding is the person with post traumatic stress relives the trauma. The trauma was 5 years ago. I try to be patient and understanding but she unleashes her anger on me blaming me for things I had nothing to do with and other things that go back to her child hood. I would say it is bullying at times and has me in tears.  Do they know they are being nasty?

Re: Post traumatic stress

Hi @Clearasmud 

 

I'm hanami, one of the peer workers here at SANE. I'm sorry to hear things aren't great for you as a support person of someone with trauma. I'm wondering if there might be something here at the Blue Knot Foundation that may help? https://blueknot.org.au/supporters/providing-support/ 

 

Warm wishes

Hanami

Re: Post traumatic stress

Hey @Clearasmud, thanks for sharing your struggles too ❤️ Sometimes it's hard as a carer to know how to support our loved ones, especially when their behaviour can harm us (even if they don't realise). I think it's wonderful that you're reaching out for support on how to support your partner ❤️ 

 

I'm wondering if you've spoken to your partner about how these "outbursts" are impacting you? I often use a non-violent communication approach to talking about things like this so using. Here is a quick sheet for some tips on this.

 

In short, I don't know if you partner "knows" how her episodes are being harmful. My understanding based a lot on my own experiences is that trauma can really make relationships difficult and someones we get "triggered". This is the "reliving" that you're talking about. It means we're kinda transported back to when the trauma happened and get overwhelmed. But there are some things which "trigger" this "reliving". I know for some folks, it can take a while to figure out these triggers which can make it even difficult to communicate in relationships! I've linked a SANE factsheet on PTSD here which might have some useful info.

 

I also think it's super important that you have the support you might need to cope with whats going on. Do you feel like you have someone to talk to about how this is impacting you? Here is another factsheet on being a family, friend or carer of an unwell person.

 

How have things been going for you lately?

Re: Post traumatic stress

Hey @Clearasmud

Thanks for sharing what you are going through. I can empathise that this would be very challenging for you. I completely agree with @TuxedoCat, and I think those resources would be really helpful. 

I think that having an honest conversation with the person that you are living with that is experiencing Post Traumatic Stress would be really beneficial for both of you. As @TuxedoCat said above, they may not realise that they are taking out their emotions on you, and that it hurts you. Sometimes it is difficult for us to voice to the ones that we love that they are hindering us with their actions (especially if they may not be aware that they are doing this) but it can be really helpful for them, and may make them more aware of the consequences that come with their actions. 

In saying this, I really empathise with what they are going through, and I can imagine that you have been a major support system for them. 

Is communicating with them about this something that you feel comfortable doing? 

Warm regards, 

Amber22

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