Lived Experience Forum

[Nush]

Hi 

i have depression and anxiety at a very high level on meds for it and often if things get thrown off or my partner rejects me I Instantly feel not good enough and immediately just want to leave this works. 
We’ve  had a lot of history from domestic violence to drug abuse so we made a pact to support each other. He , with my intrusive thoughts and me, with his anger .

but recently and his done this a few times - he says I’m always negative about things, I’m just not a happy person , always finding fault with him ( when I’m not ) but my anxiety is triggered through various things 

one being  his rejection . 
he has told me several times come and talk to me tell me your problems it’s  okay- I’d rather know than not know. But now it’s like a flip. It’s too much you’re too much. 
so I often feel like I’m never ever on stable ground.

hes  threatened to divorce me a few times and leave.

all my biggest fears 

I’m not saying I’m an angel I’ve got more flaws than him

bit I’m really struggling to keep my depression and anxiety at bay around Him. I feel like as long as I don’t have emotions and exist to help him it’ll all be fine. 
am I just too much for him? And he said my negativity is impacting him

im

trying to be positive  about everything  around him 

But I’m not sure if that’s sustainable for my silly brain! 

[NatureLover]

Hi, welcome, @Nush 

I hear you.

I'm not an expert in relationships, but I'm wondering if you have a counsellor or psychologist to help you work through things?

[Nush]

Yes I am. I speak to a psychologist once every 3 weeks

the issue for me is when the goal post keeps changing all the time with my husband.

one day he wants to hear everything  and support me the other time I’m too negative and am too much for him.

this isn’t the first time 

im

hoping to join alternate to suicide meetings on Wednesday’s 

I’m just feeling really unsupported 

but I guess he has his own issues so I can’t rely on him. 

[rye]

Hey Nush,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling really unsupported. It sounds so confusing to have the goal posts keep changing all the time, and to not know whether you're sharing not enough or too much.

My partner and I both deal with mental health issues too, so I can understand how it can be hard to know how much to share, when, and whether they're in a good place to support or not. It does sound really awful to have him threatening divorce though, and that you're feeling like you have to hold your emotions inside for him. I imagine that could feel quite lonely and isolating.

Do you have any other close or trusted people in your life (friends or family) you could turn to for support? It's great that you've got your psychologist too. Relationship counselling could also help you both navigate the balance in supporting each other/yourselves.

I don't really have any answers, but I hope you can find some support in this community.

All the best,

rye

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Nush 

I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

I’m so sorry to hear about what’s happening for you and as I listened to this part of your story, I could hear that you’re wrestling with so many powerful thoughts and feelings 💜

The relationship that you share with your partner sounds incredibly complicated and just from what you’ve described, I can really appreciate how you feel as though you’re ‘never on stable ground’ - especially when the ‘goal posts’ are constantly changing.  

I’m so sorry to hear that your partner has ‘threatened’ divorce and I can only begin to imagine how incredibly confused, scared and vulnerable you may be feeling at this time - especially when this is one of your worst fears 💜

As such, I can really appreciate how desperately you’re trying to protect yourself and your relationship and my heart went out to you when you shared that your trying to ‘keep your depression and anxiety at bay.’

In my experience, keeping the mental health conditions that we live with ‘under wraps’ and trying to be the person that our loved ones ‘need’ and / or ‘would like us to be’ is absolutely exhausting and as such, there have been numerous times in my life when I’ve tied myself up in knots trying to keep a lid on the parts of myself that other people found overwhelming.

However, through time, I’ve realised that by silencing and hiding these parts of myself, I’m essentially ignoring and minimising my own needs. Although I still have a little way to go, I’m starting to be able to appreciate that I have needs too and that my needs are just as valid and important as everyone else’s 💜

As I sat here thinking about this part of your story, I felt a little bit curious when you shared ‘and often if things get thrown off or my partner rejects me I Instantly feel not good enough and immediately just want to leave this works.’ As such, I just ever so gently wondered if instead of writing ‘works’ you meant to use another word - perhaps ‘world?’

I can really hear how deeply you’ve been impacted by everything that’s been happening to you and as such, I just wanted to share a few resources with you, in case you felt that you needed some additional support 💜

The first resource that I thought may be helpful for you is SANE’s ‘drop in service.’

Basically, ‘SANE drop-in services are staffed by qualified team of counsellors and people with lived experience of mental health issues who will provide you with free digital and telehealth support, information and referrals.’

I’ve reached out to this service numerous times and I’ve always had a really positive experience where I felt listened to and really well supported 💜

I’ve included the link to this particular service below, just in case you would like to explore this further 😊

https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service

The second service that I thought maybe helpful for you is SANE’s ‘guided service.’

Essentially, ‘SANE’s free guided service combines our range of digital and telehealth supports, tailored to the needs of people affected by complex mental health issues.’

I’ve included the link to this particular service below, just in case this is something that’s of interest to you 😊

https://www.sane.org/referral

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Nush that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

Please know that you’re always welcome to reach out here whenever you need to 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[ShiningStar]

Hi @rye 

I just wanted to reach out to welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

I really loved the way that you offered your care and support to Nush and as I listened to your words, I got the sense that you’ve also experienced some significant challenges in your life 💜 As such, I just ever so gently wondered how you’re travelling at this time?

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @rye that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

I really hope that you’ll continue to reach out to us here and please let me know if there’s anything that I can do to support you 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Nush 

I just wanted to reach out to you quickly, to let you know that @rye has reached out to you to offer you some support 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[ShiningStar]

Hi @NatureLover 

I just wanted to reach out to you quickly to let you know that @Nush reached back to you 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[NatureLover]

Oh, thanks, @ShiningStar !

Hi again @Nush , that's great you have a psychologist - they're so hard to get in to see, at the moment, if you don't have one. 

---

@Nush wrote:

the issue for me is when the goal post keeps changing all the time with my husband.

one day he wants to hear everything  and support me the other time I’m too negative and am too much for him.

It must be very hard to navigate, when your husband does that 😞

I'm glad you're joining the Alternatives to Suicide meeting 👍

Good luck, @Nush ...

[rye]

Hey @ShiningStar.
It's been a long while since you wrote this (and since I've logged in), but just wanted to say hello and thank you for that kind check-in.
I am travelling okay, thank you. In a similar way to I was back in October - functioning very well day-to-day, and also working hard to understand and change my behaviour on a number of fronts.
All the best, and thanks again.
rye