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Something’s not right

Scratchet
New Contributor

Only just hanging on.

Going through a really bad patch at the moment.  That ugly black cloud is swallowing me up once again.  Every morning I'm disappointed that I wake up.  I'm trying to use all the skills and coping strategies that I've been taught and I'm still deep in the hole.  I have plenty of professional support, a psychologist, a psychiatrist and an amazing case manager but I have no social support.  I have no friends and the only family is my husband and little boy.  Rather than being supportive, my husband weaponises my mental health struggles and rubs in my face that I'm a crap parent.  That whole relationship a contributor to my mental health problems.  I have an opportunity coming up in a couple of weeks to do a 4 weeks residential program to get me back on my feet and coping again.  My husband was initially supportive of the idea but as it gets closer I'm not quite so sure.  He drinks....far too much and picked a fight with me at 7 o'clock this morning (yes he was drunk and had been up drinking all night).  I can't handle confrontation at the best of times but particularly now, I just can't cope.  I've been at the local library all day, trying to study, just to avoid going home.  We need marriage counselling.  We both know that.  I just need to survive....just for a couple of weeks.  Sorry if this is a ramble or doesn't make sense.  I'm having trouble gathering my thoughts atm.  

7 REPLIES 7

Re: Only just hanging on.

Hi @Scratchet 

Firstly it is nice to meet you. I don't think we have talked before.

It sounds like you are going through a really hard time at the moment and trying to stay on top of everything too. I am glad you have professional supports in place but can understand the need for social support too.

If it helps, please continue to use here as a sounding board for your worries. 

We will always be around to lend an ear to listen and try to help.

Take care of you 💜

 

Re: Only just hanging on.


@Scratchet wrote:

Going through a really bad patch at the moment.  That ugly black cloud is swallowing me up once again.  Every morning I'm disappointed that I wake up.  I'm trying to use all the skills and coping strategies that I've been taught and I'm still deep in the hole.  I have plenty of professional support, a psychologist, a psychiatrist and an amazing case manager but I have no social support.  I have no friends and the only family is my husband and little boy.  Rather than being supportive, my husband weaponises my mental health struggles and rubs in my face that I'm a crap parent.  That whole relationship a contributor to my mental health problems.  I have an opportunity coming up in a couple of weeks to do a 4 weeks residential program to get me back on my feet and coping again.  My husband was initially supportive of the idea but as it gets closer I'm not quite so sure.  He drinks....far too much and picked a fight with me at 7 o'clock this morning (yes he was drunk and had been up drinking all night).  I can't handle confrontation at the best of times but particularly now, I just can't cope.  I've been at the local library all day, trying to study, just to avoid going home.  We need marriage counselling.  We both know that.  I just need to survive....just for a couple of weeks.  Sorry if this is a ramble or doesn't make sense.  I'm having trouble gathering my thoughts atm.  


Hi @Scratchet 

Welcome to the forum and also it is lovely to meet you. If you type @ a drop box will appear and you can tag us or alternatively if you want to add a member that doesn't appear in the drop box just type @ and start typing there name and it should work that way.

 

I am sorry you're going through a tough tine- please reach out for support. I truly hope you start to feel better and feel more at peace. Do you have any appointments coming up? Please know you can come here for support and talk through what is worrying you and also talk about what you have achieved too. Basically you can talk about anything you like, as long as you're comfortable in what you share. Anyways I will finish up here and I hope to see you in the forum sometime. 

Re: Only just hanging on.

Hi @Scratchet ,

 

 Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting.

 

I guess it feels like you're always catching your tail and the darkness is just going round and round. It's good you have so many professional supports - not many people do.

 

 At this point, focus on yourself. Use your time at the recovery centre to care for yourself and hopefully, that will provide some respite to your current situation. I guess it would be about working with your key clinician to develop strategies you could utilise once you return home.

 

PARCs played a huge role in my recovery. I've had quite a few admissions there so that now i can say i don't need to go back. The respite helped slow things down so i could focus on the things that matter most.

 

Like you, i have little or no social support. I live on my own and most of my family is interstate. Besides work, and therapists, i don't see people.

 

All the best @Scratchet .

 

 Once you become strong in yourself, you can work on other things.

 

BPDSurvivor

Re: Only just hanging on.

@Scratchet 

Hello Scratchet,

 

Having read your post, I could see some of what I experience and have experienced in the past. Although for some quite different reasons and circumstances.

 

In a sense, I am going through a bit of a rough patch as well. 'The ugly black cloud”, “the sand hole that I can't dig myself out of”, “being swept out to sea, and not being able to reach the shore” are different ways that I've described the feelings of distress, isolation and even a sense of peril and often hopelessness.

 

Peril, to me, means that there is something to live for, despite being in perilous circumstances and hopelessness often signifies that we feel that there is really no longer any reason to live. Of the four feelings of distress, isolation, peril and hopelessness, I think it is the last that is the most difficult to address and change.

 

I, with many others, have recently come through Cyclone Teroja that hit the W.A coast a few weeks ago. The clean-up process is almost finished and claims have gone in, for assistance that has been offered through various government and other agencies. And now the activity has reduced and the adrenaline "high" has diminished. “The wind has dropped and the sails are no longer full to provide movement and progress.”

 

I have begun my response to you in this way to show that even though circumstances may be different, the feelings associated with the different events in peoples' lives can often be understood by each other, even when the events, background, age brackets and gender are different.

 

In a marriage/partnership that is not functioning effectively and with mutual support, one or both of the people can feel very isolated. From what you have said, you seem to be feeling isolated, even though you have the professional support of a psychologist, psychiatrist and case manager. These people give you what they can but then become distant, in as much as they may not be available, or able to respond when you feel at your lowest.

 

Hopefully, this forum may provide you with the opportunity to at least express, in writing, how you are feeling at any given time. The responses from other forum members may not come instantly but people will respond when they come back online to read the posts from you and others. I do hope that you find, as others have, that the forum is a safe place because we protect our anonymity. But more so, that you find meaningful and useful support, involvement and interaction from and with other members.

 

I am disappointed that your husband has changed his position regarding your opportunity to join the 4-week residential program, by which you may gain some of the coping skills that would help you in the future. Indeed, you may even find that you are really a lot better at doing things, as a partner, mother and caring parent, than you are presently being given credit and acknowledgement for. Unfortunately, it may be that your husband feels that your anticipated, improved capacity to function effectively, or awakened awareness of your existing knowledge, skills and capacity, may be a threat to his capacity to direct and control you and your actions and responses. It is possible that the more positive you feel about the program and talk about those expected outcomes, that are positive for you, the more threatened he feels. This may be the reason for his reversal of support.

 

You may like to look at other people's posts on their lives and experiences in relationships, among which conflict is a major issue in some relationships. Some of the discussions I have had with people, with whom I have “spoken” on the forum, are accessible by left-mouse-click on my forum name (or pseudonym), “HenryX”. There are quite a few light courtesies and greetings among the conversations. However, the contacts that will give the most information, that I think may be of interest to you, are those that express concerns in the title, in a similar to which you have done.

 

If you wish to alert someone to your post, simply add an “@” symbol in front of their forum name eg. @HenryX, anywhere in the message. That will send a flag through the New messages which is to the right of the Guidelines & Info box on top of the forums page. Clicking on the New flag will take you to the Your Notifications page where you will find messages in which you have been “tagged” with your forum name, @Scratchet.

 

Personally, I found the forum site a little difficult to negotiate at first, maybe that is just me. However, please persist, and I hope you will find it worthwhile.

 

Please ask any questions about issues or finding your way around the forum. I am still getting used to it after rejoining in February this year.

As I have heard said:

The only silly question is the one not asked”.

 

The observations, opinions and ideas expressed in my post to you are unqualified. I offer these observations as a layperson from my own experience in life.

 

I most sincerely hope that you will indeed, keep “hanging on”, till you can attend the residential program. Please remember that the more obstacles placed or pushed in your way very likely represents the level of threat felt by anyone else.

 

With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

Re: Only just hanging on.

Thank you to @HenryX  @BPDSurvivor  @oceangirl  & @Snowie  for the support.  It means so much to me to have people listen and support me without even knowing who I am.  I'm going into the residential program on Monday, and I'm feeling scared but at the same time positive that it will help me somehow. They have group therapy, which I have never done before so that will be interesting.  I have to say that I've been really impressed with the mental health care system in WA since moving here 18 months ago. I've never been offered this much help before.  Trying to struggle alone with all of my diagnosis (EUPD, MDD, GAD, PTSD & OCD) has been really hard, especially with no social supports.  I'm looking forward to meeting other people that share my struggles and also having peer support around me for a little while.  Thanks again & will pop back into the forums again next week.

Re: Only just hanging on.

@Scratchet 

 

Hello Scratchet,

 

Very Pleased to hear from you and to know that you are alright.

The forum is an interesting “place” where people really can show care, concern and happiness among other feelings. If we are not doing too well, it is surprising that people, who we only know through written words, can actually help us to find good thoughts and feelings that we can enjoy.

 

It is great to know that you will be going into the residential program on Monday. We hope – if I can speak on behalf of other forum members – that you will have reinforced the qualities and knowledge that you already most admire in yourself. No doubt you will also find other qualities, skills and knowledge that you would like to adopt for yourself.

 

I hope that you meet some very interesting people, some of whom may become friends with whom you can share the social support that you have been seeking. That means that you are a giver and receiver too.

 

While you have described the fact that things have not been so good lately, I am sure that your confidence in the mental health care system, here in W.A., will enable you to absorb the information and support that is available for you. And it is also great to hear that you have been receiving help and assistance that has been useful for you.

 

Scared? Remember that it is said that actors and performers are often scared or nervous before a performance. So even people who we would think are confident and talented have a little sense of insecurity. I understand that the performance is often better because the nervousness helps them to sharpen themselves to the work. So, consequently, it is not surprising that you feel a little scared. However, it may mean that, because of that feeling, you will be better able to absorb what is offered.

 

We look forward to hearing about how it goes for you.

 

With Our Very Best Wishes

for the next 4 weeks and beyond

 

HenryX

 

 

 

CC: @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl @Snowie 

Re: Only just hanging on.

Thinking of you, @Scratchet . Let us know how you go Smiley Happy

 

BPDSurvivor

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