Lived Experience Forum

[Kittykelly1976]

Hi there people, I’m pretty new here (just joined) although I do recall being a previous member many years ago.

I’m a 45 year old Transgender (mtf) person who has lived experience of severe childhood sexual abuse and trauma, ptsd, physical violence and emotional abuse.

(all of this at the hands of my parents and people they knew).

My reasons for joining here are mainly to connect with people who possibly understand me better than those who

I’ve been working with (agencies such as NEAMI, Cohealth etc). 

These agencies I have found have not provided adequate supports for my needs, even though my needs are really not that complex or hard to address.

People seem to pre-judge me as someone who “has it together” or is “very much seemingly well for someone who is unwell” (these are both things that have been said to me by previous workers).

I struggle though, like a lot of us do, and I need guidance with certain areas, yet it seems that this is “too hard” for people to understand, or the people are just uneducated. 

For me to come to a place within myself where I am happy, not thinking about ending my life every single day etc, I believe it wouldn’t actually take much, but it seems that this is not the case within Victoria at least. People seem to find a way of making things harder for me when they really don’t need to be!

In regards to my transition progress, I’ve been completely ignored by the system and services and people who were supposed to help and guide me, and my transition has suffered and is at a current state of stagnation because of it.

Services in Victoria seem to be lackluster at best, and there tends to be a liking for a certain “type” of person within these services who gets the help, not everybody who needs it.

Yes, funding is one issue, but also employing qualified people who know what the hell they’re doing is another, and in my experience Victoria has failed on both counts there.

Why not move? Where would I go that’s any better? I also have a relationship here in Melbourne that I cannot just move away from, my girlfriend would be devastated and that’s not what I want, it’s the one thing that I am happy with.

I’m open to explaining more if people wish to know, give you a deeper insight into my experience here, and throughout life, but please be mindful

when asking for that - some of it has been very unpleasant and I like to be 100% honest and truthful on my front which sometimes can come off as being too much for some people.

Thanks for listening, everyone!

[Rhye]

Morning @Kittykelly1976 and welcome to the forums!

I'm Rhye, one of the peer support workers here, and it's really lovely to meet you 😊 I've found this community to be welcoming, supportive, uplifting, safe and even fun, so I hope you'll find the same here too.

I'm sorry to read of your experience, both within your childhood and the health system in your state. You mention that you think of ending your life each day, and I'm wondering whether you are safe for now and have professional supports in place at the moment i.e. a trusted GP, counsellor or therapist who walks along side you?

Rhye ☘️

[Kittykelly1976]

Hi there thanks for your concern. I’ve been this way since I was a child really so it’s kind of normal for me to feel suicidal but I’ve not acted for years ok it.

[Rhye]

Thanks for replying @Kittykelly1976 and I'm glad you're safe for now 💛
I also thought I'd pop in a link to a social thread you might find of interest here.

Hope your Thursday is cruising along okay and I'm going to tag a few members and Community Guides who might relate or empathise to parts of your story...

@petrichor @wellwellwellnez @NatureLover @outlander @Adge @Appleblossom @TheVorticon 
@Clawde  @Meggle  @SJT63  @Shaz51 @frog  @Maggie @Fluttershy1  @Rebel  @eth  @rivergal  @greenspace @RedHorse 

[Jessie21]

@Kittykelly1976   So sorry to hear the issues your having, I agree there should be more services available to support you through your journey.  My transgender daughter lives on the central coast nsw.  It has been difficult for her due to the coovid pandemic and the fact she is also anti vaccine so most of the supports are not available to her.  Just like you she does not fit the typical mould of a transgender person.   I am not sure what that means but are we  all individual and we all need to respect for  our individuality.  I suggest you perhaps Google medical register in Victoria and include doctors sensitive to transgender health.  I also found this site I hope it helps https://www.health.vic.gov.au/populations/trans-and-gender-diverse-health-and-wellbeing. 

[greenspace]

Hi @Kittykelly1976 

I can really relate to the problem of people thinking that I seem okay to them, so that means I don't need support. 

Just because I'm articulate, and have a habit of covering up feelings of distress, doesn't mean I'm coping with day to day life. 

So sorry to hear that you've experienced so much abuse and trauma. 

Do you have a trauma counsellor, or are you looking for one? Do you find counselling helpful? 

Blue Knot has counsellors who often have both lived experience and formal training as complex trauma specialists.

I'm queer but cisgender, so I don't have experience of transition, but there are people in the forums here who have personal understanding of being trans and trying to find knowledgeable people and useful services. 

If you're in Melbourne, you might not find better services by moving, and sounds like your girlfriend is a good reason to stay. 

I'm in regional NSW,  and have had to go to Sydney to see a rheumatologist, and have Zoom appointments with a psychotherapist and a mental health OT.

Some support needs to be face to face, and people can be great or clueless, depending on both the individual and the organisation. 

I hope you find the Sane forums helpful.

[wellwellwellnez]

Welcome/welcome back (whichever it may be) @Kittykelly1976 .

There can be a bit of an issue these days where people seem to think resilience on its own solves everything. My issue isn't so much the cop-out but how it ignores the bigger pictures. I'm pretty convinced there are better ways.

I see your point re: moving. Victoria is likely the vanguard of progress. The good news is, they're probably actively trying to be the vanguard in ways. There may be lingo or something that pushes the right buttons, depending on what playbook they're reading from.

Your comment on the support receiving "type" was very interesting to me. I wonder if that's a people bias or system bias thing (or both or something else (or both and something else)). I am interested in your reflections in that area, if you're comfortable enough to share, of course.

[Kittykelly1976]

Personally I think it’s both, yes.

in terms of moving I really don’t know where we could move that would be any better or any different really. 

Originally I’m from New Zealand, so things were a lot different there.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Kittykelly1976 , welcome

I can hear what ur saying about needing to be a certain type to qualify.

I'm not sure anymore what that type is, yet am always told I'm not it,

Subtly or bluntly, by staff and support workers in the mh system...

That must have felt so disappointing to not be met where u are at.

I truly am sorry u have felt that way and hope to chat more 💗 

[Kittykelly1976]

Hi there, yeah it is disheartening to say the least. Monash Gender Clinic really screwed me around big-time, promised me all these things to begin with and delivered absolutely nothing (even threatened to not prescribe my hormones at one point).

The  support networks I’ve found for Trans people in melbourne have so far all been for non binary and/or younger people than myself, which isn’t adequate at all.

There are also the general support for Trans groups which are really just sex fetish groups masquerading as support networks (yes I’ve experienced that in Melbourne too).

I started my own Facebook group for Trans people 35+ but it hasn’t garnered too much attention as of yet, hopefully it will take off eventually.