Need to vent

[MDT]

Its ok to be angry my friend @BlueBay

Indeed I think it is normal actually.

I'm sitting with you my friend

[Shaz51]

@BlueBay my awesome  sister  

❤🥰

It was a lot to take I totally understand,  don't  try and do everything  at once my friend 

My healthcare  team and I have a 3 month plan at a time until my next checkup 

I know I have failed in  a few places but this will continue on to the next plan 

@Emelia8 , you made me smile  my sister xoxo 

About having the house  to herself 

Can you believe  I am sitting  in my mum's chair  writting  to you from my mobile phone  and my mum and Mr shaz  are sleeping 

@MDT , @Eve7 

[BlueBay]

oh my sis @Shaz51  i am upset that your house got burnt.  i really feel sorry for you and hubby.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Reg. too many doctors - i will try to take it one step at a time

I just feel too overwhelmed right now with all these differrent people to see

I was thinking before - am I a real bad person? am i a person who only wants medical people to 'look after me'

my doctor told me today that i need to stop to try to 'fix' things and stop 'looking for answers' when really he thinks i know what to do

is he right?  am i been a child, a sensitive stupid girl who just needs someone to 'care' for me

i don't know anymore. i just feel so useless

i think myu doctor wants me to try to 'stop running away' or 'using my physical issues' to cover up my mental health instead of dealing with that first (does that make sense)

i feel so stupid, so jealous of people at times. i really don't want to work, but i know my doctor won't give me a 3 month illness clearance for centrelink, because in his eyes me working is better for me.

i wish i knew what to do, that's the hard part.  i can't make decisions.  i feel useless, so so useless.

@Shaz51 @MDT @Emelia8 

[Shaz51]

Ohhh my sister  @BlueBay 🥰

Last year I wrote somewhere that I had 13 specialists to go too, wow too many 

My Gp  told me  to stop reading  about all my problems too 

It is easy to fall into a routine  all the time , I know I did it and I thought too that it would be too hard to change 

But my sister we can do it together  xxx xxx 

[MDT]

Shaz 🙂

@Shaz51

[MDT]

Taking care given circumstances? @Shaz51

[MDT]

@BlueBay you are not stupid - far from it my from it my friend

[Eve7]

Offering hugs and a cuppa @BlueBay  I would have given you a chocolate brownie but I just gobbled 3 of them myself.

Its hard when we have physical symptoms and mi as I think medics always say it’s the mi.

Sitting with you

🤗☕️🤗

[grayhorn]

BlueBay, so sorry to hear your doctor didn't listen to your lived experience of pain.
You are so not useless. Tell yourself, affirm, what a gorgeous person you are. You have all these friends here loving you up. The most difficult thing to do is to love ourself when we are shamed and stigmatised by our mental health diagnoses. Let me tell you, everyone os on some spectrum of disorder. It may only come out after extreme trauma or grief and loss, or hard yards, none of us is perfect, or as a sign I gave my big sisters work desk, pobody's perfect.
You are loved, and you love.
I still think your doctors wrong not to listen to you. I'm angry and sad for you.
I've taken up crocheting to calm my mind, not that I do it that often, but the grand daughter bunny rug is growing one line at a time.
Rain is lovely - we've just had a long drought, and over the last few weeks we've had a day or 2 of drizzle, and just now we had 5 minute pour.
Counting the blessings, when possible.
Hugs to you

[BlueBay]

It's 2am and I'm back in hospital. Yesterday I woke up with sharp pain in lower left abdomen. It really hit me gir a six. I mentioned this to my doctor but he didn't check me. By 5pm I was in trouble. So much pain. Hubby decided to take me back to the doctor. As soon as he saw me he knew I wasn't good. He examined me snd said I need to go back to hospital. 
hubby took me straight away and here I sm. 
so much extra strong pain through a drip hasn't done much. 
had a scan which has shown colitis. So niw waiting to be transferred to private hospital again. 
I feel so crap. So my h psin. Oh and they have just started strong antibiotics through drip. 

So here I am. Looks like no work sgsin this week.  

@grayhorn @Eve7 @MDT @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar @Maggie  

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