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21-09-2020 08:30 PM
21-09-2020 08:30 PM
My hallucinations are only getting worse
So i suffer from truama intrusive dissociative state caused by complex PTSD and it has been causing me extreme hallucinations since the age of 9.
Im currently 21 and the hallucinations im having now have gotten so intense they have reached the point of causing me pyschical pain. When I was 9 I had hallucinations of a pale girl in a black and red dress trying to take me to what I've been told is the other world. I should've followed her because I now know she was trying to protect me since the hallucinations that huant me are incomprehensibly violent and traumatic.
My first tactile hallucination happened a few months ago at my aunts house. It was caused by a corrupted angel called the fate bearer. It was orbited by 3 orbs that were colours ive never seen before but at the same time were reminiscent of the primary colours. When he grasped the orb that represented red i fell to knees and cried as the pain i felt was unbearable.
Jump foward to now im now huanted by entity i call the mask who makes me afraid to leave my house at night. It watches me through windows and if I forget to lock a window or door it chases me through it until I reach my safe place. But if I dont make it quick enough I feel the pain of being stabbed.
I also have a very scary visual hallucination of a creature that is bigger than the earth itself sitting in the skys waiting to devour us all.
I miss having my friendly hallucinations. There is the mother, it is my subconscious representation of the perfect motherly figure and it used to protect me while I slept.
And the scholar a 7 foot tall man with the face of a bird, at first I was afraid of him but as he appeared more often he had an aura of clarity and understanding. He never spoke a word and he looks like no one ive ever meet but at the same time he fells like someone long lost who returned to protect me.
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22-09-2020 06:56 AM
22-09-2020 06:56 AM
Re: My hallucinations are only getting worse
@Kingsareus Hey Kingsareus I can thoroughly connect with you on this. My son2 who has schizophrenia amongst other problems lives with voices and entities who even with medications cannot get rid of. Some are benign others are dangerous to himself and other people. Have you spoken to your doctor about these entities? Are you on medication? I have have schizoaffective disorder and am on medication for my hallucinations. Now because of the meds they leave me in peace. You know I kind of miss the magic of them in a way but was totally dysfunctional when they were ruling my life.
Take care my friend. greenpeaxx
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22-09-2020 11:47 AM - edited 22-09-2020 12:09 PM
22-09-2020 11:47 AM - edited 22-09-2020 12:09 PM
Re: My hallucinations are only getting worse
Hey @Kingsareus,
Welcome to the forums, I'm one of the moderators. I'm sorry to hear your hallucinations are so scary and visceral. We're glad to have you here. I'm so glad to see members have jumped in already. I hope you find a lot of support and connection here.
How are you travelling today? 🌻
Also if this feels overwhelming please reach out to someone you trust. Or you can talk to one of the counsellors at the SANE one the phone or webchat.
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23-09-2020 08:12 AM
23-09-2020 08:12 AM
Re: My hallucinations are only getting worse
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23-09-2020 08:13 AM
23-09-2020 08:13 AM