Lived Experience Forum

[mumx2]

I am mum of a 1 yr and 2 yr old. I am 40 and have a history of anxiety. I am in one way the happiest I ever been: finding love late in life and having 2 angels. However I am so depressed, somedays i can hardly move, crippled with anxiety. I dread everyday and find each task monumental. Somedays are fine, but I cant make plans because the next I cant answer the door or the phone or remember how to talk to normal people. I am on medication but it hasn't helped I have seen councillors and it hasn't helped. I desperate that I do something. My husband thinks I'm nuts and wont sleep with me. Today I cried for 4 hours while my 2 yr old cried asking me to stop crying. Vodka helps! but then doesn't at all. I don't wont people to think I'm a failure as I have failed at everything else I have ever done and for once hold my head high with a little family in tow. Have hardly ever even been on a computer letter lone post, so I guess I am desperate for some advice. Thank you in advance.  

[Former-Member]

Dear @mumx2

Welcome to our little forum and I read your post with concern and compassion for what you are going through. Well done for reaching out for help via the computer, or in any way you can. Living with anxiety is like an uphill battle at times and over time it usually develops into depression.

With your new role as Mum, and the physical and emotional adjustments, anxiety & depression can become amplified. Medication and counselling can be part of the treatment but self care and good support from others is just as important. I would say it's good to keep trying to find a counsellor who you feel completely accepts you as are, and can go the distance with you as there is often no "quick fix"

You have two angels now who give your life purpose, and that is something to hang onto with both hands, even when you feel like giving up. I am concerned that you have long periods of time where you are overwhelmed and crying, and would suggest that today you could call a helpline for some immediate support.

You've probably been told about Lifeline (13 11 14) who are always an option, but I think these early parenting helplines may be a good match for you:

1. Pregnancy, Birth & Baby (National 24/7) 1800 882 436

2. Maternal & Child Health Helpline (Victoria only, 24/7) 132 229

I would suggest that you call them when the children are settled and your husband could also listen in or speak to the counsellor after you. He needs to understand that depression is a serious illness and good support is needed.

Alternatively you can chat with us here on the forum and I'm sure others will share there experiences of managing depression, and be supportive. However, we are not able to provide crisis support, being only a forum, and I would strongly encouraged telephone and some in person support this week.

Take care and keep in touch with us at Sane.

kind regards,

Frog

[Former-Member]

Hi @mumx2

welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found the forums and was brave enough to share how things are going for you so honestly. I have two great kids as well, they're a bit older at 5 and 8. Sometimes i feel so overwhelmed by life its just really hard to move to do much. 

@Former-Member has given some wonderful advice (as always)..  do seek out some support because it shouldnt be so hard all the time. and you deserve to enjoy your little ones. as you already know, time goes so fast when they're little especially :). 

Hope that other mums can give some ideas as well, @Former-Member (cant think of others iwth young kids)

take care of you, make ssure you do something nice for yourself each day, even if its just enjoying a hot shower or having aa cuppa on y our own for 10 minutes.

lj

[mumx2]

Thank you very much @Former-Member I will try those numbers.

[Ellu]

Dear mumx2,

Frog has given you some excellent advice and some good contacts to follow up. I hope you do, because you may not 'click' with the first counsellor you see and you might have to try several options before you find the right person and treatment.

I have 4 children (2 + twins) and I can remember well that sort of haze you are in when you are struggling to look after the children and your days are frantic and busy without satisfaction. I,too, love my children, but there were times when they were little that I wished someone would just take them away for a week so I could get my sanity back.Have you thought of joining a playgroup or toddler group? Your local council can direct you to the nearest one to you. They are fantastic, because all the children mess around playing while you and the other mothers can chat and talk over any problems you might be having. It helps to remind you that you are not alone.

I have hed several careers, and being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had to do. You can get worn down very quickly. What I found useful was to make sure I did one thing every day for MYSELF.

If you have access to someone to look after the children go and get a haircut, or have a quiet coffee in a groovy coffee shop, or just sit in the park and read for an hour. You have to remember that you are not just a mother, you are YOU, and you are a valuable worthwhile person in yourself. Let's try to get over this depression - by seeking professional help and by following up other sites frog mentioned to you. My children are now 31,30 and the twins 26.It was difficult surviving those early years, especially as I have bi-polar disorder and I was sometimes quite unwell, but survive we all did, and you will too. Reach out to all the help offered, and take things one day at a time. You will get better.

Ellu

[Arjay]

Hi @mumx2

hope you are doing okay.  

When my kids came along I was on a big learning curve had so many changes and is a big strain on family, life etc.  They also brought wonderful experiences and love and continue to.  Now have two grandchildren which are also wonderful.

I have struggled to feel good for last two years, diagnosed MDD for over 20 years. I continue to search for counsellors who are good for me and chase medical help until I get a combo that work.

All the best