Lived Experience Forum

[Kanna]

I'm trying way too hard, it's exhausting. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I have nothing in life, I am nothing in life. I'm so isolated and alone. My family doesn't help or see what I'm going through. I've started hurting myself again, they don't see. Noone seems to see how I'm struggling everyday just to get out of bed. I don't want to do anything I don't want to eat or drink or move, I just wish it would end. I'm so close to the edge I can't handle any of this life anymore. I promised myself I wouldn't be like this again but i am, and I hate myself for it. Noone sees any of this. And I hate talking about it, I hate doing this, I hate myself so much. My family doesn't understand anything. But I can't tell them. 

I am so scared and frustrated and lost.

I am nothing in life. I have nothing.

It's all too much, I just want it to end 😭🥺😔

[cloudcore]

Hi @Kanna,

I can hear the hurt you're experiencing right now, and your feelings of isolation and helplessness. I'm also so sorry to hear that you haven't felt supported or seen through it all. I've been in that space before and so I understand, and I'm here with you 

I am concerned about your safety right now, and will send an email to check in on you. Please take a look at your inbox shortly so that we find ways to support you.

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Kanna 

I just wanted to say thanks for sharing.  I wanted to ask you about the nothing statements... Is it okay if I ask about what it is you feel you are meant to be?

[Kanna]

@AussieRecharger 

It's not that I'm meant to be someone, I'm just at the lowest point of my life right now.

I'm struggling financially I don't have a job, none of my family work, I don't drive at the moment so I rely on others for transport, I suffer severely with anxiety, depression and ptsd, and don't leave the house. I literally have Noone in my life I have nothing of value in my life. I hardly speak to my family I have no friends

I am nobody. 

I just want to be noticed by others, I want people to know I exist otherwise I may as well not exist at all. 

[periwinklepixie]

Hi @Kanna 

I want you to know that I notice you. You matter. 

And you know what I notice? Someone who is in so so so much pain. I have been there. But I also notice strength. Strength to reach out. I notice courage to share your story to try to connect.

A few years ago I was also broke, not working, major family problems, not driving, every diagnosis you could name, not leaving the house. Now I'm only living with some of those things and living a much better life. I too thought it was hopeless. And that I wasn't worth much at all. 

Someone once said something to a crowd of people that I felt like was just for me and right now it feels like it might be just for you. They said 'rock bottom is a good place to start'.

Really sitting with you in these low points and hoping better times start soon,
- periwinklepixie 

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Kanna 

I have noticed and it sounds like you have some goals in there.. To get a job, to get a license and get some help with your anxiety... Are they goals you need some help with?

[Kanna]

@AussieRecharger 

I don't see them as goals, they seem just like impossible, unrealistic dreams, that will never happen for me.

At this point everything I do is one big effort. 

Of course I need help, I need help with everything I do, I am just so exhausted and tired. 

I am so very very lost, sad, confused, hurting and trapped.

I either want to do something or nothing at all.

I'm so indecisive and I don't know what I want anymore.

I've lost my sense of self and lost my identity. 

I'm just so lost

It's too much for me to handle.

[Jynx]

Hey @Kanna . Just want you to know I see you, I hear you, and I can tell you're really hurting. Something in you hasn't given up hope yet though, because you're here asking for help. That isn't always easy to do. 

If you wanted to, you could always give the folks at the SANE Help Centre a buzz - they're a really kind and caring bunch of counsellors who can offer a listening ear and a safe space to connect with someone about everything you're dealing with right now. 

Sitting with you in this dark time 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Kanna , I really hear how much you're hurting and how hopeless and alone you feel 😞

I know you said you don't like talking about it to your family, but I'm wondering about professional support like counselling...I know therapy has granted me a lot of healing. I've been where you are in the past, for years, and it's the absolute worst. 

I'nm wondering if you have a trusted GP, or psychologist /psychiatrist or maybe meds, to help you get through this absolute lowest time where you can't keep going? 

[CalmingNature]

Hi @Kanna,

I really hear how difficult things are for you right now. I really understand losing sense of self and identity, I've been there too and it left me feeling so lost, its not a nice place to be and I'm sorry you're experiencing those feelings, it can be very overwhelming.

As Jynx said, the counselling team at the help centre are wonderful so you can reach out to them at any time on 1800 187 263.

Take care, CalmingNature