Lived Experience Forum

[Kyle1]

as time goes by it becomes evident that nothing is getting better. 

My antidepressants. My anti anxieties. My counselling. My social outings.

I AM STILL FEELING AWEFUL LONELY AND SAD AND PANICKED. 

MOSTLY LONELY. 

I make friends, but then never hear from them. Or they motion for me to "shrug it off", everyone has their problems  they say, but then I don't hear from them again. And I'm thinking: wtf - if everyone's got their problems why are we isolating ourselves or others? Why aren't we leaning on each other? Gosh: even ants can manage that!

I feel so lost. So alone. I've begun to wake again, crying in the dark. It's turning me bitter, and I don't want to end up bitter. I'd rather die if I can't live beautifully.

[SmilingGecko]

Hello the lovely @Kyle1

You have every right to feel the way you do.  It seems that society is very much fragmented now and we the mentally ill are not the only ones experiencing loneliness these days.

But you would think your friends could respond, but they don't. It doesn't cost anything to reach out to someone who is doing it tough.  If I knew you personally I would ensure you were ok. Friendships today don't seem to reflect the common good of society 

I have found the free Anthony William medical medium material online and books to be highly beneficial for my mental illness. I have not followed the advice to the letter but nowhere near do i suffer. Have had no episodes for 10 years but prior to that it was an every day occurance dealing with symptoms.  Many people with mental illness say the same online about the free medical medium materials. There are even new books he has written on mental illness.

Maybe try and get some volunteer work alongside people who are agencies that are in a caring capacity. 

I understand the loneliness but thought I would respond with things that have worked for me. I hope you are in a better headspace soon

[Kyle1]

Thank you @SmilingGecko 

Yes, I've been given such advice as volunteering on two other occasions, today.

I feel such a mess. Utterly unworthy. An  embarrassment. I wish I could get it together, but I am grossly fragmented. Pixelated. And I am sorry

[SmilingGecko]

Oh you poor thing @Kyle1! I do understand ❤️  I'm at a crossroads have been for a while.  I know how you must feel. I do care about people.  I think as we get older it does get harder to try and make good connections and our given reality can be hard to bear at times with diagnoses.  I met a best friend doing volunteer work. She was into all kinds of esoteric things and got me into astrology. But I can relate it can feel daunting putting yourself out there again. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I know how you must feel, lovely. Life can be quite raw. Anyway I'm here for you. Have you thought of getting along to an astrology group, you love talking astrology. I hope my words reach you as they come from the heart.  I know you are suffering and just want to take the load off you

[Flotsam]

@Kyle1 

How we talk about ourselves matters, you are worthy, there is nothing wrong with you, this is a mental illness that you can recover from. You are a human and sometimes humans struggle. Life can get better, but healing takes the time it takes. 

I don’t know if you have Instagram but I have found a few really helpful resources. I have cptsd, so I searched that and when I found people Drs and psychologists I followed them. Now my feed is like reading my thoughts and they offered helpful thoughts, validation and a quiet support because I knew I was not alone in this struggle, and I could access it whenever I wanted to.  

I also looked at what was always on my mind - for me it was going back to work - deciding not to go back to that workplace really helped me be free of those thoughts. 

[Kyle1]

Hi @Flotsam 

No I don't have insta.... I don't know: maybe it's time I start doing things like that too.

I'd be worried though about further loneliness... 

Gosh, I'm so... afraid

[tyme]

Hey @Kyle1 ,

How are things going for you? It sounds like there are some unpleasant thoughts happening?

I hear you are afraid, but please know you are not alone.

[Kyle1]

I am afraid @tyme and alone.

There's no pretending it away. There's nothing I can do. No mental gymnastics. No muscling through. I'm so disjointed I can't even walk down the street in a straight line. 

[creative_writer]

@Kyle1, I don’t have much to say. Sitting with you 💖🫂

[creative_writer]

@Kyle1, what do you mean when you say “get over with”?