Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Calliecorn]

My best friend has been in a year long depressive/suicidal episode thanks to her BPD. 

in the last week alone we have been to the emergency room 4 times for her attempts, no thanks to the NSW Mental Health Department. who continues to discharge her even though she is a danger to herself. 

She was discharged into my care a few days ago and I am currently writing this on my 11th hour of being in the Acute Emergency room department and I am absolutely exhausted.

Nothing seems to help her. I can’t help her. I am empty and I have nothing more to give.

[edited by SANE moderators to remove specific details/methods of SH]

How do I look after myself when I don’t know if I am going to wake up to my best friend being dead? 

[hanami]

Hi @Calliecorn 

Firstly I want to acknowledge what an super amazing friend you are. If I was in a bad situation it's a person like you that I'd want around to be my friend. I can really sense how this situation is exhausting you and making your feel quite helpless. I also want to say I don't understand why the hospital discharge people who are clearly not safe. You are right to feel frustated by that.

I do feel that you need some extra support to come on board in this situation. Is there anyone who is close to your friend who could also keep watch over her.  I don't know the answer to whether or not your friend's suicide is inevitable. Of course I really hope it isn't. Is there another service that you could turn to that might be able to help? It's A LOT that you are bearing the burden of this yourself. I wish there was more I could say to help. Please take care of yourself.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Calliecorn,

I'm really sorry to read what you and your best friend are going through. I had concerns around a close family member who was going through something similar many years ago so I can relate a little to how you are feeling. It is huge responsibility to have someone struggling so much released into you care - it exhausting both mentally, emotionally and physically. In my situation I just kept taking my family member to the ER until they were eventually admitted because it was too much for both of us to deal with alone. If I was unable to get help with my family member I was very concerned that I was going to have an emotional breakdown. 

I know how it feels to wake up everyday worried if your loved one will still be here and it's not something that you should have to do alone. Does your friend have any family members / friends that can also help support her? Do you have anyone that can support you through this?

As a carer I have learnt that at the end of the day we can only be so much, do so much, help so much - `you can't pour from an empty cup'. I really encourage you to get some support for yourself right now. I have attached a couple of links that may be of help:

- Carer Gateway 

- Carers Australia 

Are you able to speak to your friend's GP? Maybe they have some ability to get your friend the help they need or at least to be able to point you in the right direction.

I wish you both nothing but the best. Please take care.

FloatingFeather