Lived Experience Forum

[ClockFace]

Those that read my long posts probably realise that things have been building up recently and they have come to a head tonight, over quite a small thing. 

Im sick of my sister ordering me around, treating me like Im not in the pain Im in, that I am pathetic, the same for my mental health. Im sick of my Mum having my sisters back and treating me like I deserve everything I get from my sister. Im sick of my Mum having the same opinion as my sister. Im sick of them treating me as if Im not in as much pain as I say and expecting me to do things that I physically and mentally cant do and shouldnt do. Just on my back, I dont understand how they can see all the evidence and have such little regard for me that they ignore it and say the pain isnt real. I mean 12 facet joints are dysfunctional, Ive had one procedure and am due in less than 3 weeks to have another one. My Mum puts all this effort into gaining the relationship she had with my sister back, but not only does she not put any into having one with me, she actively works against having one. She constantly prioritises my sister over me because she wants the relationship. 

Dad and I talked, I was quite loud but at the end of it Dad said he doesnt know what to do and essentially that he wasnt going to do anything. He wont stand up to Mum and tell her to stop treating me the way she does. That Im not always in the wrong. Sometimes I might actually be truthful, where it came in that I wasnt a truthful person I dont understand, because I was always truthful growing up. He wont tell my sister to pull her head in, to treat me with some decency. 

I clearly dont matter, not to any of them. Im going to do anything and everything I can do to leave ASAP 

[scruffypuffball]

@ClockFace 

I can relate to what you are going through.  Sitting with you at this time Mal.  Went thru something similar.  Cant talk about it here as I am quite vulnerable now.  Didnt have the strength to reply to some of your previous posts.  But I see you. Sending blessings your way 🙏

[tyme]

Sorry to hear how tough it must be for you right now @scruffypuffball .

Is there anything you or I can do that you might find helpful?

[Owlunar]

Hi @ClockFace 

I've read some of your posts - I know your family is dysfunctional - you thought about leaving a few months ago - and if you do - frankly - I totally understand - you need to get away from their toxicity.

You can't just walk out though - you have to find somewhere to live and your health is not good either. It's bloody unfair the way you are treated - and I get that - my circumstances were different and I was independent - still - for years I kept away from my family of origin for the sake of my mental health - I really get it.

Your father just won't speak up - neither would mine - it was his choice - and it's up to you whether you interact with your sister - I wouldn't - we are all different though - you have to make your own choice - I could say more - I am with you though - I still get it.

So it's unreasonable - and yes - I have had facet joint injections myself - lower lumbar spine - they worked for me - I know what it's like though - and 12 is a lot of injections. I believe the pain you are in - there is no way we can convey the degree of the pain we are in - the other person doesn't feel it - and it must be terribly inconvenient for you mother and sister who want to be the prime divas - to have you with chronic pain issues. They are just plain - what's a good word - ah yes - self-centered. 

You are not being treated with respect - whatever you do you will have the support of the forum members - 

Best thoughts

Owlunar

[ClockFace]

@Owlunar @tyme @scruffypuffball 

Thanks guys, appreciate it. There is a thing at work, if I remember correctly where I might get some support etc. As Im not working at the moment and Ive forgotten my password (I have a home office) she is going to have a look into it for me. Im going to bring it up with my support person as well, I dont know if they can assist. 

[tyme]

All the best with it @ClockFace ,

You deserve some respite. You have a good heart. That's why it hurts more.

[scruffypuffball]

thanks @tyme mum is on morphine.  she is a fighter always was.  in terms of what can be done? just having this forum helps and sitting with each other helps. i feel less alone here, thank-you all for sitting with me.  i will try and sit with you.