15-01-2020 02:13 PM
I am feelig very lost and alone... I dont know what to do.... everything is just getting on top of me and I am not coping at all. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, because at least when I am asleep I feel safe and I am not crying.
Alot has been goin on in my life over the past few years... caring for both of my parents with little to no help from family...and watching them die..being forced to sell my family home which is the only place I have really ever lived.. packing up many many years of memories and heritage and finding somewhere to live.... again with litle help....., and now being iin deep trouble at work and nearly losing my job which has caused major stress just to add the cherry on top.
I just cant do it anymore....everything has come to a head and I am just not coping at all...I dont want to face the world... I am currently on annual leave from work and I never want to go back..... all i feel like doing is crying and curling up iin a ball and never coming out. I am usually the one who is there for everyone else, the strong one... but not any more...
I have been to see my GP... he just said I am over tired and stressed, but did give me a referral to see a psychologist... but I cant get in to see them for 3 weeks... I have been on meds for depression for many many years... but i dont feel lke they are working... my mind is going at 300 to the dozen and i dont feel like i am making any sense....
15-01-2020 02:50 PM
Hi @Lostandalone ,
It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Are you sleeping okay? I felt in a somewhat similar position where my mind was racing and I pretty much had a meltdown and was hospitalised for a few weeks. It really altered my life and not necessarily for the better.
Does your workplace have any kind of support or care network that you could use? Do you have any friends that you can reach out to talk to? 3 weeks is a long time to wait for a psychoogist. Try and eat healthy and do what exercise you can.
Keep reaching out for help if you need it.
15-01-2020 04:22 PM
Thank you for your reply Gazza
I am not getting the quality of sleep I shoould.. I manage to fall asleep late... but wake around 5am... then fall asleep again for a few hour... if you let me i will doze on and off all day...
As work is one of the main reasons for my anxiety attacks etc.. I dont think they will be much help... There is an employee asistance programme (EAP) which I have used in the past.... dont know if it really helped me or not I dont really like to "talk Talk" about how I feel... I prefer the annonomity of chatting online so I dont even know if my psychologist app in 3 weeks will do anything for me
As for my friends... they know I am struggling.. but dont know just how badly... I dont like to burden them . if you know what I mean
16-01-2020 12:49 PM
You may be more high functioning than you realise. Maybe you can get it together on annual leave & return to paid work, maybe you need psychiatric support & some unpaid leave & prescription meds to recover?
I was unemployed for 7 years due to psychotic illness and chronic injuries that would never heal due to insomnia. My GP was useless but never admitted to me that she was in over her head. I asked to see a psychiatrist as I suspected my insomnia was causing chronic pain & therefore unemployment but she wouldn't listen to me. She enforced me to see a psychologist who was detrimental to my mental health but at least, finally, admitted that she had nothing to offer me me but maybe psychiatric meds & a prescribing psychiatrist could.
As it happens, the psychiatrist prescribed me ineffective anti-psychotics then effective anti-psychotics. The meds lowered my anxiety from sheer terror to very high anxiety. I was able to work with that and, after 15 months of unpaid, volunteer work & resulting good references, I returned to the paid workplace where I belong.
I hope your path to paid employment is quicker than mine. I don't know for you - what's your diagnosis? I'm schizophrenic with borderline personality disorder...so most people's mental illness seem pretty mild in comparison to mine but if you want to talk to me & feel we have something in common, feel free to tag me.
17-01-2020 05:07 PM
Hey there @Lostandalone just touching in as to how you're travelling? Let us know how you are if you ever get a chance
17-01-2020 05:55 PM
I am hangin in there....trying to keep mtself busy... because if i stop to relax, my mind takes over and i am a quivering, crying pile of mess...
The only time i feel like I am stable is if I am asleep.... but I cant sleep forever... especially as I have to go back to work on Monday... so need to get ,y sleep patterns human again
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