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Something’s not right

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

I am tired

I am tired in more ways than one yes I should be physically tired considering I am writing this at 3am but my sleep is a mess right now which just keeps getting worse and worse. And I am trying so hard I really am to ignore the thoughts because they are just scaring me and if I go down that road I may end up in trouble but if I don’t I also may end up in trouble it is like there is no win in this situation. I am getting scared of the meds again I keep thinking they will hurt me and that maybe people aren’t people or at least they are lying to me about some things and I am scared about what certain people or groups are going to do to me but it is complicated and I can’t really go into detail but I am just tired of having to fight this fight all the time I just want to live peacefully and mind my own business but this stuff keeps coming back and I can’t get away from it. I don’t like being scared but I am and there is nothing I can do about it except to and ignore it. 

14 REPLIES 14

Re: I am tired

@Eden1919  you must be so exhausted from fighting this all the time 😞

 

Sending hugs... 💜

Re: I am tired

Good morning @Eden1919,

I'm really sorry to read that you are struggling so much. It sounds like a really hard place to be and I really do feel for you. Having your sleep interrupted so much must be exhausting for you. I hear that you are scared by your thoughts, that cannot be easy for you. I really hope the intrusive thoughts start to lift for you very soon so that you can have some peace and get a good rest.

It's great that you are reaching out to the forums and sharing your feelings. We are here for you so please know you are not alone.  If you do feel like you may need some extra help also know that you can contact:

Lifeline 13 11 14  
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659467  
beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 46 36

Do you have any family and friends that can be with you at the moment? 

When my thoughts start to scare me I try to find things that distract me and bring some happiness like playing Scrabble online. It helps me escape my thinking and lets my mind have a rest. Is there something you like to do that can help distract you, even if it's just for a while?

I wish you all the best - please reach out for support whenever you need it. We are always here.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

tyme
Peer Support Worker

Re: I am tired

Hi @Eden1919 ,

 

I think it’s important you speak to your treating team about what is happening for you. Do you have an appointment soon?

 

Thinking of you,

tyme

Re: I am tired

I can empathise with you @Eden1919 

 

I too am very very tired. Some days I just don't have fight in me. I can only hope that tomorrow will be better. 

 

Please don't be scared of professionally prescribed medication. I spent years thinking it was toxic, changing my personality, all kinds of things. The truth it it's just a tool to help correct an imbalance in us. Like any other illness, like a diabetic needs insulin. Don't be scared of it, please ❤

 

I also empathise with just wishing to live peacefully and mind my own business. 

 

I hope we both find relief soon and recover ❤

 

Christheart 

 

Re: I am tired

@NatureLover  Thank you

 

@FloatingFeather  I have been trying to watch some shows on Netflix which has helped a little and trying to keep in contact with people so that I am less scared of them but it is hard. 

@tyme  I have a appointment in about a week and I am very nervous about it I am not sure I will be able to communicate what is going on fully even writing about it is hard I haven’t even explained it on here there is so much more going on i just need to figure out how I can explain it without people freaking out or getting annoyed at me. 

@Christheart  I am sorry you are also struggling I try not to be scared of the meds I really do but i just can’t shake the thoughts it is very frustrating. 

I am struggling again tonight I know I need to try and distract myself more but it is hard to not get swept up with it all. I want to cry but I can’t and I am just having trouble ugh oh well not much I can do except keep trying to not freak out I suppose. 

tyme
Peer Support Worker

Re: I am tired

Holding you tonight @Eden1919 . I know it can be a very scary place to be in. Do you think the transition from hospital back home has played a part in the stress?

 

Are you alone at home, or are there other people around you?

 

Sitting with you, tyme

Re: I am tired

@tyme  I had a support worker come in tonight so I haven’t been alone the whole time I don’t think coming home has stressed me out I was excited to leave the hospital so I don’t think it is that I think it is just how things are at the moment plus the not sleeping well isn’t helping either. Like I am ok in the sense that I am safe and all that I just feel quite overwhelmed oh and I guess the other thing that is making me feel bad is that my dog who we had had for a very long time passed away on the weekend and yeah it has been a very sad last few days. 

Re: I am tired

@Eden1919  hey hunny been thinking of  you lately. life is a tough gig. sending you love and caring pea😘

Re: I am tired

Hey @Eden1919 Just wanted to check in with you this morning. I can relate to a lack of sleep impacting mental health, that's something that I experience. I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, they become family and it's so very sad when they leave us. Sending you lots of hugs. 

Thank you for letting us know you are safe and we are sitting with you today. Here if you want to check in 💝

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