Lived Experience Forum

[whyisit]

Dear All,

I have been struggling with this issue on and off for more than 20 years. I am sure something is not right in our household but unable to determine what I can do to help all of us? I am married to a highly qualified beautiful women, mother to my teenage son. I have read through the diagnosis section of this website and think she has symptoms of Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Her defense mechanism is anger, moodiness, and difficulty controlling anger. Trouble is she do not think she need any help there is nothing wrong with her it's me or our son who should change and pull into the line. Living with her is like walking on egg shells and we both live in fear when things could blow up and sometimes for no reason. I can't seems to make her agree that she needs help. She is an educated individual and agrees that mental health is a real thing but when it comes to her getting help she do not think she needs it. I feel that she is hurting too and her ego or "not showing that she is week" or "she can be wrong" is coming in the way. Any help will be highly valued and appreciated. Surely there has to be someone out there who has successfully solve this puzzle. Look forward to your advise and help.

Thanks and Regards

[Rhye]

Hi there @whyisit,

Welcome to the Forums and congrats on your first post! Caring for a family member with mental health concerns can be a struggle in it's own right so it's wonderful that you've been able to reach out as you have today. 

I'm not sure if you've had a chance to take a tour around the Forums, but we also have a Family, Friends and Carers forum, as the name suggests it's a great place for getting support in caring for a loved one. 

If you ever need a moderator for assistance you can tag them like this @moderator and you can also reach out to one of our online peer support workers as well @tyme @hanami @Paperdaisy @Rhye.

The SANE forums are also supported by our fantastic Community Guides, and I'll tag some of these folk here:
@Anastasia  @AussieRecharger  @Faith-and-Hope  @HenryX  @jem80  @Judi9877  @NatureLover  @outlander  @Shaz51  @Snowie  @Hams  @wellwellwellnez   @Aniela  @CrazyChick  @maddison  @pinklollipop15  @Eve7 

All the best
Rhye 

[Carlo]

Not sure that there are any quick solutions @whyisit 

I believe the anger is a coping mechanism for an underlying problem.  But if she is unwilling to seek help, then you need to focus on you.

Self-care and understanding that, while you need to own your problems and contribution, you can't blame yourself.

You can only help her from a good place.  You can't be reactive.

[whyisit]

Thanks @Rhye I will browse through the family, friends and Carers forum.

Looking forward to hear back from this great community, I am very glad that I have found you all.

[whyisit]

Thanks @Carlo for your supporting words. I can't promise that I will never react but I can say that I am getting better. I do look after myself and try to help my son but he is a teenager now. At times it is challenging to manage the disagreement between the mother and son specially when I feel that my wife / his mother is inappropriately behaving and reacting to the situation. I will keep trying my best and keep educating my son. Thanks  

[Carlo]

None of us get it right. Help your son too. This will cause him stress.

[tyme]

Hi @whyisit ,

With many personality disorders, I think setting clear boundaries is probably the safest thing to do. It is difficult to tell a person they may have a problem if they clearly don’t see there’s an issue.

Perhaps have a think about boundaries to keep you e.g what will you do when she displays anger/rage? What would your son like to see happen when particular situations arise? 

Some of these are very deep questions and may not have a direct black/white answer. But until your wife sees otherwise,  you can only make sure you and your son have the support you need. If that means speaking to a counsellor etc, then go for it. 

Self-care is crucial.

tyme

[Ajishappy]

I am not offering medical advice and take this with a grain of salt, but I've found this woman interesting on that topic. 

https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani

Also maybe your partner is not a narcissist but is neuro-atypical or different in another way? Only she knows her own mind.