Something’s not right
Dear BeeGee Im sorry to hear that it sounds like your going through Depression,Fear,Feelings of Guilt,Pain and Feeling so lost and stuck right now as if your not sure what options you have left
you sound as if your feeling really alone and dont want to loose anyone or anything else,let me tell you right now that you are not alone,I dont know you by name but you are a special human being,you are so strong for being here despite everthying youve gone through and are still going through,we all get lost at times,we all have a purpose in life that we try so hard to find,we all have strengths and weaknesses,we are all doing the best we can,your not alone please dont give up,look up,and allow yourself to take a deep breathe,allow yourself some time to cry or scream but please dont give up on yourself,think of all those people that youve helped in life just by being there for them the people youve told to be self compassionate,the people that you may have made a positive difference to,please remember that you may not feel heard and seen right right but you are infact seen and heard there are people who have noticed the difference to their lives,your life is not meaningless you are a unique person with unique strengths and abilities the truth is there will never be another human in this world that is the same as you so please hold on,hold on you are so brave
@BeeGee wrote:I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about - "if they really knew the real me they wouldn't want to know me".
So true.
What really cements it from me is when you hear people around you making hateful comments about other people who are like the real you - without them realizing that they are commenting on people like the real you. It enlightens you to where you really stand in your community.
IMHO, it's the greatest cause of grief that so many of us are born into these communities that are wildly imcompatable with who we are; so we find ourselves trapped in this situation were we have to go around living long miserable lives play-acting a character we don't fully understand or sympathize with, in order to avoid triggering misery and anger within those around us. And every little mis-step we make in playing this false character we don't understand is punished and jeered by our audience.
I hold on to this ludicrous daydream that one day our society may be rearranged so that, when people are trapped in an incompatable environment, they simply have to visit some non-judgemental government official and confess who they truly are, and they will be relocated to the town/suburb where all their kin have settled. They'll be able to walk out their front doors of a morning, look around, and find themselves surrounded by a community who are on the same page as them. No more play-acting a false character they don't like just for the sake of quelling community outrage.
They'll be able to go to their workplaces, town fairs, and mingle amongst other elligible singles at neighborhood barbeques and find themselves connecting with kindred spirits who they can relate to, feel free around, and genuinely appreciate; perhaps even love.
How better to sell this otherwise dubious idea that being alive is a good thing?
It's a nice daydream; very easy to get lost in. But every time I get lost in it, I have to deal with the very rough impact of snapping out of it and realizing how live truly is, and the exceedingly remote likelihood of it ever become as amicable as I like to imagine it becoming.
I'm sorry I can't offer you any helpful advice, @BeeGee . But for what it's worth, I really hope things get a lot better for you.
