Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mr_Tranquility]

Hi all.

I was originally going to comment on other posts on this forum as I read the stories of some others but I didn't feel it would be right as my story is somewhat different from theirs, and my position is not as bad as some of the others on this forum as I myself am safe.

My sister was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago and when I found and that she had it, it made so much sense. Growing up, she would sometimes act as if you were pure evil one day and then be completely fine and act as if nothing happened the other day.

It was very draining and she had all sorts of problems growing up from having issues with drugs and money as she became an adult. My parents always made excuses for her behaviour which I think is part of the problem now.

I was hopeful that once she was diagnosed that they would be able to help her, and she has started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and taking her medication when I saw her last but now I am not so sure. 

My sister's relationship with her partner is falling apart and I am pretty certain she is to blame or at least her condition is and they have 3 young kids. Her partner has decided that he would like to separate, and I found out last year that my sister was being abusive toward him.

He had put up with it for five years, and that was two years ago. My sister, while I love her, has been prone to extreme behaviour in the past she kicked my mom in the leg a year ago and attacked me and used to get aggressive when people would question her behaviour but her behaviour towards my mum and me stopped when I pressed charges with the police which I later dropped when she decided to have a mediation. 

At least towards me and mum, she doesn't get abusive as I think she's afraid I'll call the police on her again. She's also good with her kids but the last time she kicked mum in the leg I am pretty sure she did in front of her kids which is problematic.

Very recently she called up my father complaining that her partner was dog and she was telling my father to talk to her partner but when he started asking questions about why he wanted to leave her and what she wanted him to do she started getting aggressive and accused him of not supporting her and they got into an argument and she hung up the phone.

I then told him to tell her to speak to me as him arguing with her is problematic. Which he didn't do. I then sent her a long message basically telling her that I loved her and wished the best for her but if there was any truth to her partner's claims she should address them.

She then claimed the same thing that as her brother I should support her but I advised that real support is trying to solve a conflict between two people.

To which she responded that everyone knows the truth between them and that she was angered that I accused her of wrong doing. 

I then reiterated that I was not accusing her of anything as I don't know if she is the problem or not but then I asked her why her partner wanted to split up considering the last time I spoke to him he was committed to getting her help.

She then said I was triggering her. To which point I said no more.

I honestly don't understand how she can be so blind and not see that she is ruining her life through her decisions. She treats every conflict as if it's a fist fight and she never admits when she was wrong about anything.

Very frustrating to watch but it feels good to let that out.

[TuxedoCat]

hey @Mr_Tranquility, I get the sense that you haven't told this much as a story before. And it was really important for you to do that. I'm glad you did. 

It sounds like it's been a really big few years for all of you. I can really sense here that you care so much for your sister and have offered a lot of support. That is really special. Do you have many of your own supports while you're supporting others?

Is there anything you'd like to work through together on the forums?

It also sounds like you've learnt a lot about BPD by viewing it from the outside. I wonder if you know much from the other side? Here is an amazing thread about the lived experience of BPD Topic Tuesday// BPD Awareness– Flipping the script with a special guest from Spectrum// Tues 6th Oct...