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Something’s not right

AnnaliseM
Casual Contributor

'How did you become like this? you were so good before.'

This is one of the comments from my parents that trigger me the most. 

 

For the last 20 years of my life, I did my best to conceal who I really am and at times was so good at it that I could say that I made it after I faked it. Sure, there are benefits of conforming to societal expectations, it makes life easier, and people appreciate you more for being helpful and accomplished. The bad side is people will leave you and find it awkward to be with you after you finally got an answer to the sleepless nights, sudden panic attacks and unexplained waves of sadness. 

 

My parents were utterly confused as to why I became like this. They thought I contracted something unclean from my previous travels and they missed my old self when I deviate or don't do the errands. My first acute episode was more than 5 years ago now and they still are reminiscing about that obedient girl who suppressed herself and became sick so her parents can be happy. My mum will go on about how I was my dad's favourite and he had such grand expectations for me. Then she will sigh and say 'Then he saw what happened and he regretted sending you on the trips overseas. maybe that's when everything started to go wrong. whatever came upon you brought bad luck to our family.' I swear every time she said that it makes me so sad and angry. I felt rejected and wants to run away despite that I feel obligated to care for my brother who became very sick this year. It is especially hard that I am staying with them now due to financial constrains and family obligations. it does make me depressed and I have to remind myself those are their values, not mine. I hope it gets better as time goes by but realistically not. 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: 'How did you become like this? you were so good before.'

Hi @AnnaliseM 

I hear your challenges and hope you find peace.

Cost of living, particularly rent costs make it so hard today.

As much as we blame parents for this and that, overall parents always have a bed for us. Siblings fight. Parents are unique.

I hope you can find a happy medium.

No one wants to live fighting.

My father told me the house rules were his. I am lucky now. My father had good values and guided me in a way l am happy.

We cannot stop what others say.

We can change how we react.

Maybe the roof over your head is worth ignorjng what is said that upsets you.

Can you see your parents are good people?

Do your parents listen to you as well?

Can you ask them for a chat do discuss your differences?

Re: 'How did you become like this? you were so good before.'

I really feel for you, @AnnaliseM ...sorry to hear 😞

Re: 'How did you become like this? you were so good before.'

@Former-Member @Thank you for your comment. My parents are good people but often they say hurtful things that upsets me and they will say sorry but not change their behaviour. The trouble is no matter how I try to rebut their point and advocate for myself, I still feel the pressure of conforming to their values, which makes me stressed and start criticising myself as a highly sensitive

person. Also being around them degrades my sleep quality because they are always anxious and stressed, especially now because of my brother’s medical condition.


The situation has improved over the years (as in I can discuss why I need to take mood stabilisers etc and how I feel) but this is one of the trend that remained consistent over a long time. 

Re: 'How did you become like this? you were so good before.'

@NatureLover Thank you for your message, I do feel much better getting this off my chest. Since other people will just say I am ungrateful for the things my parents done for me. I do feel the generation gap though from time to time with my parents. 

Re: 'How did you become like this? you were so good before.'

Hi @AnnaliseM 

I admire your recognising the good and bad.

I am sorry you are hurting.

I am happy to listen.

By talking or writing it out, the answer you seek may come more clearly to you.

You sound like a very caring person.

Caring people feel issues more.

Sane is here for you.

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