Lived Experience Forum

[Lost589]

I’m usually strong I can usually cope with everything that goes on around me but recently my body has given up, crashed & now I can’t find any energy to withdraw from. 

The last 12 months have been hard.. harder than usual put it that way. 3 deaths that meant something to me, a divorce from a domestic violence relationship of 10 years & 4 beautiful little children. My mother feel sick

with mental health and lost her job. Financially I’m doing it alone, without my mum & grandparents id be on the streets with 4 children. Their father doesn’t send money. My children have all been placed in counselling to handle the deaths and their father leaving. Their father doesn’t visit often. My 5 year old son has separation anxiety and behaviour problems from the separation which are draining me. But I’m trying! 

Then em recently I turned 30 & for some reason, I went into a panic. Started booking all these doctors for health checks cause I’m worried about my kids if something happens to me so then I went to get a will drawn up. And worked my anxiety up. 

I am already on a a heavy dose of meds but today I increased by 1/2 again on top hoping I could put a blanket over it. 

My career is hard, I work in a stressful position which I can normally tackle but making silly mistakes. 

I feel exhausted, like my energy for life is withdrawn and now I’m constantly in bed hiding from the world withdrawing from people and situations. 

I feel like I want to sleep and cant wake up... broken 

[CheerBear]

Hi @Lost589 and welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear you're going through what sounds like a really hard time.

There's so much in your post I can relate to. I do it on my own with my little handful of smaller people after leaving family violence. I hit a point where I felt like I'd given up and I crashed massively (I still feel like I crash at times when things build up). It's exhausting. Parenting itself is hard enough and can really stretch us. Add in trauma, mental health issues, the heavy weight of single parenting and the grief and loss you're experiencing - it's no wonder you're crashing 🙁

I find it to be a very draining and lonely gig at times. It helps to have some space to vent and share. Are there any people (family, friends, professionals etc) in your life who know how you're going and who you can openly talk about it with?

I really just wanted to reply to say I hear you and it's good to see you here reaching out. There is lots of understanding here which helps me to not feel so alone with it all. Keep talking and posting if it helps you.

[Lost589]

@CheerBear thank you for taking the time to reach out. I do have lots of extended family and friends around me which always say they understand and are there for me but I always feel like they have better things to worry about then me whinging about who I feel. I’m always the supportive one the one that comforts and reaches out to others but with so much around me I feel so little of it back 😞 

It’s nice to have a safe place to talk openly without any judgement 

[CheerBear]

It's good to see you again @Lost589 🙂 Hearing you also with having plenty of people around but feeling like they have better things to worry about. I'm sorry you get little back. It's hard when you're struggling but few seem to be able to/know how to/want to support you or help you.

Judgment and the fear of it are super unhelpful and I think there's so much of it when it comes to mental health and also parenting. I find it can be a huge barrier to receiving support. I agree that it's nice to have a place to talk openly.

Four kids would be a huge responsibility. They sound like they're little-ish also, which can be so physically and emotionally draining. I'm guessing you probably don't have much you time, but do you have any kinds of time out activities, interests or things you enjoy?

Have a look around the forum if you're interested and join in anywhere you'd like. There are heaps of awesomely understanding, non-judgmental people around 🙂

[Shaz51]

sending you lots of hugs @Lost589 

remember you are not alone my friend xx

and soo glad @CheerBear is here for you too