Having a bad/hard day

[amonrae04]

I have been making incremental progress following my pshycologists behavioural activity activation template, and I mean it helped it got me going to the gym every day meditating everyday I mean I have even been going out and bushwalking, did a 10k walk yesterday. Of course along the way my negative self talk has still been there and I've been beating myself up

The truth is I haven't been back to work since having a week off about a month ago and absolutely spiralling. I saw my pshycologist today and he recommended more time off to heal and while part of me greets that with relief I also have an emotional response to that like "what's wrong with you" "more time off your a failure" "your whole lifes falling apart" "why can you just face your fears your a coward" I talked to my wife about it and she says just do it... Right like its so effortless like it used to be.

I've put so much work into building this life that I have in spite of all my life circumstances pushing in the other direction and I feel like I'm throwing it all away ruining it and I have no control over it.

Just needed to vent 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @amonrae04 I'm glad that you're able to vent here.

Firstly, building up those daily practices is awesome. It's not an easy thing to do, especially when you're struggling, so I really just want to recognise that achievement.

I hope you don't mind me sharing, but reading through parts of this really resonated with me. A bit over a year ago now I was in another job and really struggling mentally. I pushed through until I just could not do my job any more and my GP ordered me to take leave. Even after listening to my GP who explained that taking time away was the only way I could get better, I kept having to battle with my own self-critical thoughts asking why I couldn't just get on with it, telling myself I was weak and I was failing after working hard to land this job. For me, these voices quietened as I got better (and I did after a while), and now I can look back and show myself that care and compassion I needed at the time.

It's so hard to do in the moment though, hey?

I hope that as you keep on going that you're able to be a bit more gentle with yourself, and that eventually those thoughts will start to pipe down, and that in the meantime you're able to keep connecting on here and know you're not alone

[amonrae04]

Thanks @Ru-bee it it's hard to be kind to myself with anything at the moment let alone what used to be simple things like just going to the gym so thank you for calling that out 

Thank you for letting me know re your experience that's really helpful and nice to know I'm not alone in the critical thinking. I've been waiting to feel something just better to go back and do the job I don't need to be 100% just a shade of confidence or motivation I hope the voices slow down for me too! Thanks for reading my story I appreciate it