Lived Experience Forum

[qsin]

I've been going to psychs and taking meds for 4 years now for BDD (with psychotic symptoms) and I seriously don't get how I get out (I know it never goes away but just want something livable). I've been taking anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. I've done cbt, cat, narrative and other therapies and while it has "improved" things (no more self-harm, leaving the house more, etc) I still feel so uncomfortable existing. My bones/frame takes up too much space in the world and I can feel my skin pulling in all directions. And I don't see how *cognitive* therapies can help.

I'm always told "you should talk about this with your doctor" and I have, frequently, for the past 4 years I've spoken to many psychologist, GPs, psychatrists, nurses, OTs, etc. Nothing has changed.

Besides the vague "therapy will help you", how have people overcome this? What kind of therapy paradigms, what kind of meds, what kind of lifestyle changes? I know it's different for everyone but I'm sick of these vague "therapy and meds should make things better".

[Former-Member]

Sorry for the brief reply - I hate typing on my phone.
But yes, it does.
I have what I like to think of as a 'medical' mental illness and a 'psychological' set of issues too.
Getting on the right meds for me has done wonders! But what is right for me may not work for you.
I'm doing psychodynamic therapy atm. I'm not sure about it. But it has really good reviews.
But again it might not be right for you.
May I ask what is BDD? I've never heard of it?
I've also moved towns, changed jobs, stopped talking to some relatives, moved in with others.
And I guess the big one, that has made a big difference is trying to accept my illness and not let it impact my life too much. I know that sounds smug and belittling, but until I'm done with therapy I have to live with these symptoms and myself and I've tried to work out ways of coping with the shit that is my mental illness.
I'm not good at it. And I come online here to vent and connect with people, but it helps. I'm getting better at being okay with being me.
Don't know if any of this helps, but you're not alone.

[qsin]

---

@Former-Member wrote:
Sorry for the brief reply - I hate typing on my phone.
But yes, it does.
I have what I like to think of as a 'medical' mental illness and a 'psychological' set of issues too.
Getting on the right meds for me has done wonders! But what is right for me may not work for you.
I'm doing psychodynamic therapy atm. I'm not sure about it. But it has really good reviews.
But again it might not be right for you.
May I ask what is BDD? I've never heard of it?
I've also moved towns, changed jobs, stopped talking to some relatives, moved in with others.
And I guess the big one, that has made a big difference is trying to accept my illness and not let it impact my life too much. I know that sounds smug and belittling, but until I'm done with therapy I have to live with these symptoms and myself and I've tried to work out ways of coping with the shit that is my mental illness.
I'm not good at it. And I come online here to vent and connect with people, but it helps. I'm getting better at being okay with being me.
Don't know if any of this helps, but you're not alone.

---

Yeah, I would defintely characterise like that for me 'medical' and 'psychological'. BDD is body dysmorphia disorder. It's usually lumped with OCD type illness because it behavours that result are: rumination and compulsive techniques to hide the body. At its most basic it's "a preoccution with perceived or minor flaw with one's body", obviously it's a bit more complicated than that (like it's not vanity) but yeah. Discussions I've had with my treating team have told me that in the next DSM there might be a move to characterise it on a psychotic to OCD spectrum, or at least that's what they said to me to make me feel better, since that seems to characterise my "illness" more. Whenever I get my diagnosis written down it's BDD with psychotic symtoms.

Right now, I've tried loads of anti-psychotics and anti-depressants and while it does help a little I still have those symptoms of bones aching and skin pulling, which seems 'medical' to me or at the very least pre-cognitive, which is why I'm skeptical of cognitive therapies to treat these sensations/feelings.

It's just really hard because I feel like there's no "thinking my way out", i.e. cognitive and behavioural therapies aren't applicible. And I've been doing therapies for so long and all different kinds of meds. And while I've made good behavioural changes, these 'sensations' are incurable (well at least meds and therapy don't work).

[Lunar]

Hello @qsin

Welcome to the forums, I have not met you before 🙂

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it seems like you have been through a lot and have tried really hard at reaching out when you need and engaged in treatment in many different ways which is all so very helpful, however you are questioning whether people 'come out the other end' do you mean whether they are able to cope without mental health professionals/therapy/medication etc?

It seems like perhaps you are referring to what people sometimes call 'recovery' which that words itself brings up a lot of differing views, there have been many discussions about what that means for people with their mental illness, things they have tried that have helped and how sometimes things work and other times they don't. You may like to read through some threads, one member @Teej started a great thread called 'Walking on the road to recovery' and there is another great thread by @Rick called 'The complications of recovery'

I look forward to getting to know you better,

Lunar

[PeppiPatty]

After a week, at last.............. A young lady called and said

"We are scared of your son. We don't know what to do." .

I said, I have been hoping that you would call, you need to get him straight to hospital ...he is very unstable and threatening to harm himself via suicide. They were very scared so I said I will be there as soon as I can. I suggested that they call an ambulance if they couldn't get him in a car.

I rang a friend I hadn't spoken to for about 2 years and just said, I need help . She put $1000 in my bank account and told me to get on the next plane, I will never be able to thank her enough.

I was extremely fortunate. Earlier that week; 3 days before the call from the young lady; My son started texting me on and ......  I texted him whether he was safe?. He first said he was safe but on the 3rd day..... he texted that he wasn't. That the American Government were calling him about leading ................................I don't need to write the details.

As his friends got him in a car and got him to hospital he was texting me and blaming me for him waiting to be assessed in hospital.

I was available to text him but I was helpless to call or get involved because he was over 18 years old.

I caught a plane a.s.a.p to the east coast of Australia. I live in Western Australia.

When I got to where he lived, I asked his housemates if they felt ashamed ? That they had not picked up on his behaviour as there was definately no need to be .....My son's housemates were young and  had not had experience of someone having a Psychotic break on them. We spoke for about three hours. They were all very upset. 

My son was in a locked ward for about a month. My family all made time to spend a week each in the place he was living to spend time with him.

His housemates decided to ask him to leave the house. Since then, my son has been taking a very low dose antidepressant. He has also been working fulltime and quit his self medicating earlier this year he has been doing for say 6 years. He lives in a stable home but that did'nt happen for about 4 to 5 years after his first episode.

WHAT I DO.

What you can look for in Your loved one or family member/ work colleague

Delusions are mainly persecutory or feelings of paranoia / being controlled which can make the sufferer act in avery unsafe way.

The most common hallucinations in schizophrenia are auditory hallucinations—hallucinations of sounds and voices. But you can only act if the sufferer is again acting in an unsafe way.......

Not sleeping or eating mood swings threatening behaviour

No hygiene not able to care for themselves. staying up for days

Not taking medication pacing the floor out of character behaviour

Obsessive VERY unstable avoiding Doctor/ hospital appointments.

Often, unsafe behaviour and suicidal actions/threatening behaviour is brought on by stress like; moving out of home, Starting University, A Breakup of a Relationship etc....

This is just an average range of symptoms .... that I look for in my husband and have for two of my sons. My youngest son hasnt been diagnosed but my oldest son and my husband have.

[Ellu]

Dear qsin,

I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years, and while I am not familiar with your disorders I hope I can give you some advice on how to cope with them. I also have been through medications and therapies, with mixed results, although I am stable on medication now. I think what I have learned to do is "divorce" myself from my illness. I analyse things I say or do and ways I behave and have come to categorise them into "yes, that is me" and "no, that is just my illness". Your illness will eventually be brought under control, even though it now seems you have tried everything. Try to think of yourself as a real, unique valuable human being who just happens to have an illness. The illness is not you - there is a real you out there and the illness is only a part of it. You deserve respect and support, and while your experiences so far have not been very positive you mustn't give up. Call on your inner strength to keep trying to move forward. Therapies and meds will help, but you have to have confidence in yourself as a valuable member of society and know that the future is brighter than the past.

Ellu

[Wattlebird]

Ellu, great reply!!