Something’s not right
23-02-2021 09:09 PM
Hi fellow Carers
I am not new here. I drop in at some intense moments. This is less intense than many moments before, or intense in a different way. I usually make a post when my son is raging or threatening or similar. Not this time. Since I called the police and mental health last time, about a year ago, things have changed. He has stopped talking about voices or being threatening altogether. This is because I have reached a point of just doing what he wants. And he has learned to keep it on the inside. Mental health said there is absloutely nothing at all and whatsover wrong with the guy. Not even anxiety or depression. So, that was that. No point in calling them anymore. They seem to just ignore his previous diagnoses and the fact that he gets a disability pension based on diagnosed mental illness. They completely ignore what I say. He puts on the most spectacular act for them. He is extremely intelligemt and knows whjat they want. he gives it to them in spades. According to them, he must be one of the healthiest people they have ever met.
I had to start working at home due to covid. I had no choice and nowhere to turn so i had to just stay in my room as much as possible. Like now, I am in my room and he is in the living room on the phone. I can't go out there even to get dinner. If I walk out and he is not on the phone, he wiill cover his eyes so as not to see me. He hasn't left the house in about 6 months and even before that it was rare. He curls his lip in disgust as he walks past me. He speaks to me only with disdain and hatred. I do all the work, cooking, cleaning etc etc. he is on the phone now and haveing a very articulate intellectual and caring conversation with someone. This is normal for him. But he won't even say hello or thanks for dinner to me. I speak with a chirpy and positive voice as much as I can.
This year, in particular, I have reached a point where I can barely speak to him. It is hard to speak to someone who just leaves when you walk in the room and shows clear hatred. I am losing my ability to speak well, and it is affecting my work. I just stumble with my words.
As a child, I had to stay in my room a lot when my father was home (alcoholic abusive).
I definitely can't explain here how strange his behaviour is. I want to be alone. It is so bad for my own health to be here. But he can't seem to look after himself on any practical level. But more, I am too scared to know how to leave. He does really intimidate me these days. I just feel very uneasy and uncomfortable. In fact, I am understating that.
He refuses to seek any help with mental illness and doesn't agree that he has an issue.
I do feel very stuck. I don't wsnt to 'abandon' him, as he calls it. But I also am getting unwell and older and I'm very concerned about my own future as well. I really can't discuss it. I have told myself I will in the next fortnight. i will try to talk to him to get any sort of help. I have thought about trying to get a social worker for me!
I feel like he is dangerous. But maybe that's just what he wants me to feel to keep me under control.
23-02-2021 09:27 PM
Re: Feeling uneasy
That sounds like a really tough, even scary situation to be trying to navigate @Sharona1 and I'm sorry to hear it. I'm going to send an email to check in. Take care 💐
23-02-2021 09:37 PM
Re: Feeling uneasy
Good on you for reaching out tonight. Getting help for yourself sounds like a good idea. Making boundaries and taking care of your own health are critical.
As a start, counsellors are available 24/7 on Lifeline, the number is next to this post. You might be able to talk through a plan for your own needs.
If you feel threatened or unsafe, please call the police.