Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I have my final exam tomorrow.

Every time I go out to the library to study, my family loses their minds. They are convinced I am not going out to study, they think I am just going out to waste time and read fiction books.

Because there's no proof one way or another, they won't let me leave the house. EVERY single semester. They'll literally get in front of me and block the door. My sister wouldn't let me leave the house AT ALL last semester, even to get coffee or get a new notebook. 

I don't really know how I'm supposed to prove that I AM studying. I should stick a live security camera to my head or something. 

They say "what is there at the library that isn't at home?"

• Firstly, at home, I have to study on the dining table, which isn't ideal.
• Secondly, at the library, I don't have to worry about being interrupted to do things around the house, or having to take my stuff off the table when lunch is ready.
• Thirdly, you can say that about anything. Why would you go shopping? You can buy everything you need online. Why would you ever leave the house, then?
• Finally, I DON'T [...] WANT TO. That should be enough. I shouldn't have to mount an argument to justify everything I do.

All three professionals I have seen have been adamant that I should talk to my family about my Depression. They are genuinely surprised that I don't.

This is the kind of [...] you run into. Excuse me for not trusting them.

Sure, they only do it because they want me to pass and they want to make sure I'm studying, but that is a pathetic excuse.

[GreenTree]

@Former-Member 

I feel for you! My son did year 12 last year in lockdown and my daughter is doing year 11 this year. My views on education are very different to a lot of others and what I have said to them is just try your best. If this is not your time to achieve you might take a bit longer than others, and there are many options to go back to education when it's your time and you know a bit more about yourself. Talking to your family about your life might just help them to relax a bit and let you go, take small steps, maybe one of your family members could meet you at the library in a few hours just to see if your ok?

[TheVorticon]

That's really annoying that your family won't let you go out to the library @Former-Member. I personally preferred a mixture of study with doing some at the university and some at home. It sounds very suffocating. My family was suffocating in a different way but I totally get why you wouldn't want to talk to your family about your depression. IMO some people just don't realise that it is literally so much worse when family are involved with stuff that they shouldn't be involved in.

[frog]

That sounds awful @Former-Member 

Your family sound very controlling

I was the same @TheVorticon with trying to mix it up a bit  for study - sometimes at home, sometimes at the library. Even if you are going out to read fiction, or have a break those are good things.

I like your ideas re education @GreenTree. There is always more than one path, and studying all the time gets to be unproductive.

[Appleblossom]

Have any of your family been to university? @Former-Member 

It is pretty usual to have your own desk for that level of study. 

I had already left home and went to study as mature age, so at least had privacy and could spread out my papers.  Being on campus can have many positives.  I also mixed it up - library and home.

Interuptions would be be very frustrating and really unhelpful.  It sounds too rigid and as if they have not gone through the study experience.

Do the best you can to explain and get more leeway from them.

There was never anyone in my family I could share about it with.

Sharing about depression is not easy if the listening ears are not able to care and understand.  I hope at least the forum helps, while you negotiate study space.  

[Zinger]

@Former-Member That sounds so frustrating. I agree, you shouldn't have to justify that - one of the reasons libraries exist is for studying!

Although it may not be very helpful, here is my idea. One of the things I have tried when my family get on my nerves about studying is to remind them that I am the one responsible for my actions. Whether I am studying or not is not their concern, because if I don't study, I am ultimately the one facing the consequences of that. Perhaps you could try this, and just remember to remind them that you still appreciate that they care for you and want you to pass. Keep up the good work studying anyway in your current circumstances! 

[Former-Member]

I can relate. 10 years ago I was getting ready to go to the library to study and my mum got angry … :s 😞 even these memories tear me up now coz I left myself exposed to her which exacerbated my anxiety to psychosis as I got more and more depressed - not always because of her but she played a huge part in my self esteem.  Please look after yourself by staying close to best health care and self compassionate.