Lived Experience Forum

[Adge]

Hi @Former-Member It sounds like you've had a lot on.

With a seized up back & still going ahead with photo shoots etc.

I've been following along as much as possible, thanks.

I've been feeling really ill & weak today - I actually vomited in my psychologist's appointment this morning.

Rather embarrassing, although she took it well (gave me a bucket).

Nausea & feeling weak, lasting all day = virus most likely (not a panic attack, as psych thought).

Adge

[Former-Member]

Sorry to read that you were ill today @Adge - I have been caught that way on a car trip once, not a very pleasant experience and yes, can be awkward. But not much we can do to control it when it hits. I hope you get better soon.

You have had your fair share of ills - very inspiring how you soldier on regardless. How is work going for you now?

I have had a lot on, been under a lot of stress but coping okay. I feel better today - I have kept active around the house etc despite my back pain and it does seem to be getting a bit better. I feel better physically too - my body seems to be adjusting which is promising. I just have to be careful not to over do it (famous last words).

I read about your father's passing - it can be hard to come to terms with. I still can't fully absorb the fact my very dear friend is gone. I still expect him to walk through the door for a coffee......all takes time I think.

We have our first open house this Saturday - so another full on week (together with my volunteer work). The latter gives me satisfaction - I do enjoy it. 

It was nice to get another post from you - I really appreciate it and yours thoughts. I hope you have a chance to rest up abit and recover from what sounds like a nasty virus, or hopefully a 24 hr bug. Take care and will talk again soon 💞

[Adge]

Hi @Former-Member Yes I'm feeling a bit better today, thanks. Although still dizzy.

Yes your lovely friend who passed away - that's so sad, must be very hard for you.

I kept wishing that my Dad would walk back in throught the door (one day), but he won't - him gone left a big hole in my life.

I'm glad that your back pain is getting better.

I tried to book a massage on both Monday & Tuesday, for my back pain (& strained arm) - they would normally have been open, but they decided to stay closed (both days). So no luck at all, just when I really needed it the most.

I don't get home early enough over the next few days to have a massage - even though they are now open again.

An open house, that's exciting (& stressful?). I hope you get some results from it.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Hi @Adge - glad to read that you are feeling better. Maybe it was one of those 24 hr bugs. They are nasty when they hit. 

Sounds like you had a very special relationship with your father. When we have a bond like that it does leave a huge void when separated from them physically  - we learn to move on but miss them so. I miss my friend in the same way. It's hard to make such close friendships in life. I have a few close friends, but feel that hole when they are gone. So know what you mean. It's hard.

 I look forward to being with my departed loved ones again one day - but it can be a long, lonely wait. I have always felt that those left behind suffer the most. 

Your dad would be very proud of you @Adge and still looking out for you - I feel that. With all you have had to endure and still work the hours you do (in a very stressful but rewarding job), is inspiring and something I admire too. 

Pity you missed the massage session - people sing the praises of it. I have never had one! The golf resort on the water that we aren't moving to has a massage centre - so after I move I will shout myself a few 😊. Hope you get some time to book yourself in again soon - you deserve some relaxing pampering.

Yes, you hit the nail on the head - the move is exciting but extremely stressful at the same time. I am still keeping the house up to showroom standard (am over it, but I feel fitter for it 😊). Thanks for the good wishes - yes, it would be nice to get a result straight up - but I doubt it as being in higher end price wise, it usually can take longer as a rule. But we never know our luck in the big city!! And then life could get back to normal which I am looking forward to.

The weather is nice and sunny here presently - hope it's nice where you are and your day is going good.

A warm hello also to @outlander@Appleblossom@Shaz51@Former-Member and all who pass through. I hope all feel free to post as this isn't a private thread - it's there for all who would benefit from it - no one excluded in the true nature of support.

Hope you are going okay @Appleblossom - I am thinking of you ❤️Have a wonderful day all

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Adge

I am better today @Former-Member because I had a productive day with good people yesterday. 

My house got cleaned cos of my bad mood, so now I am enjoying that and starting to take 

EMOTIONAL OWNERSHIP of it ..

with the help of my psychologist and other MH workers.... eg little plans ... she suggested I did not need my bedroom as a workspace cos of long issues with sleep.

SO today I got light bulb moment that I could move my desk (which is being used as a dumping graound atm ... not as a desk!  

My son said he would help me juggle furniture as one of his "helping jobs"

He had a clean up and book dumping session last month ... so I checked that he wants his book shelf and it not overkill for his bedrrom. Its a 6 footer.  He said He liked it and had arranged it more usefully for an adult, as it had been overstocked with kid and teen stuff.  

So I have implied permission to get a smaller bookshelf for me to help with my big bedroom sort.  I will check out opshop or order one online if thats more appropriate ... it matters not to me...

... it is a huge issue as my daughter .. never forgave me for buying a brand new pine kitchen dresser when she was about 10 ...such grave errors of judgement are part of her justification for still not seeing me ...

Our "birth day" is coming up Sunday. I have had to let go of her ... just sent her a couple of goodwill emails early in the month ...I am afraid to even honour her birthday ... thats how crazy things got between the family dynamics and my mother and my 2 girls ....

But it is also my biological mother anniversary ... I started the fulltime total devotion soul mothering of my oldest (her half sister)14 1/2 months earlier.

Its not only about what we own .. but also what we are seen to be entitled to own ... 

hmmm ... sigh ... I am so over it all ...

but wearily doing due diligence ... step by step.

Thanks for your friendship.  It has helped.

Hope things are progressing with house stuff ...

I was amazed to read you are a massage virgin

Go for it ... when you can ... context means a lot .....

I had my first one ... when I was 23 ... it was prescribed, but we had to pay for it ... at the end of my Primal Therapy One week intensive.

I have done a brief course on it .. but mostly have more serious rehab and body work done. Infrequently but regularly .... ie 4-5 osteo per year ...

Last year ... Carers Australia ... gave me 2 freebies ... which was good ... as far as it goes ...

[Former-Member]

Yes indeed @Appleblossom - I am a massage virgin ahahaha 😜 I roared laughing when I read that. 

When I think about it, I have never really rewarded myself with self care and pampering much. I think that is something that I will change once I embark on this new chapter of my life.

As parents we are bound to make many mistakes, especially if our own childhoods were challenging and we were still dealing with our own baggage that was inflicted on us (been there, done that). But at the end of day for me it is about being there for each other to love, care, support and help to the best of our ability. We can't do or be expected to do much more than that. To me no family is perfect, but if that's there then that is what constitutes a good one. For some it is never good enough. And that is when it is time to let go.....

My mother just didn't care about us, her children - her own needs were more important and took her anger etc out on us. That's the difference - when there is no love in the home. Not the case with you or me my friend. 

Sounds like your daughter is attempting to justify her own guilt in her mind. We can't own that, but as you so well described, take ownership of our own emotions. And those mental scars do get in the way at times.....but I coped by resigning to what cannot be changed and with focusing on loving those around me who are there and whom appreciate/value me - whether family, friends or those I see everyday at my volunteer work - and to let all else go. I can understand your need to let your daughter go. It's wise under those circumstances. We deserve some happiness and a life too without heartache, hurt and grief all the time. Yes, step by step. Day by day.

Its wonderful that you have such good, supportive people around you - where would we be without them.

Sounds like you have been busy around the house - it's good how your son helps you. My daughter is civil, more stable and respectful to us now, but when there is something to do she finds an excuse to head out the door.  I am exhausted at the moment - hoping it will all pay off soon. 

I just sold a dark wooden medium bookcase that sounds like it would of suited you.....we are selling most of our furniture and will start afresh in the new house. I love books - rather the paperback version opposed to ebooks) and always have had one anywhere I have lived. You should have no trouble finding what you are looking for online.

I was glad to read that I have helped you my friend - as you do me. I always enjoy our chats.  💞

[outlander]

@Former-Member have been thinking about you and wondering how you going. Hope to hear from you soon ❣❣

@Appleblossom@Former-Member@Shaz51 ❤❤❤

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member my wonderful friend

[Former-Member]

Thank you for the heart warming posts @outlander@Shaz51. I appreciate it and it brought a smile to my face.

Things are going well here. Been very busy - on the go every single day. It's been good for me. Have been busy with the house, but also being there for my best friend whom lost her husband recently. I was gobsmacked that she decided to stay living up here to stay near me. I thought for sure she would move closer to her daughter whom she is very close too and who is a great support to (as is her sons, her children are wonderful, protective and loving towards her). But she wanted to remain close to me. That was something. So I make sure I am there for her as she needs to be around people.

She said if she didn't push herself to get out of the house and face things she would fall apart. She is very strong.

I also went to a friend's anniversary celebration with a big group last Thursday night and had a ball! At first I didn't want to go (it was a cold night), but so glad I did. I am making some very close friends there too - I work with them. I find socialising with the right people brings me out of low moods - making those connections are so important.

We are getting some interest with our home - so things are looking promising there to. Will be glad when it's sold - open houses are stressful. But I am handling it well and my health/back is much better.

I am off to have lunch with hubby, my best friend and her brother tomorrow - should be fun. Then I have something on everyday next week!

My daughter keeps improving - she has found somewhere to rent close by and has full tI e work now. She is saving her money rather than blowing it. She is learning and is very respectful towards us. So our tough love approach (together with letting her know we will always be there for her lovingly) is working! Her mental health stabilising. As she is not seeing the abusive boyfriend anymore thank goodness. She does well when single - goes off the rails in the wrong abusive relationships - so fingers crossed she won't repeat her bad choices as she is going great guns presently.

So that is my update. How is things going for you all?

Sending a warm hello to @Appleblossom@Adge@Former-Member and all who pass through. Life can get better 😀💖

[Adge]

Hi @Former-Member Thanks for letting us know how you're going.

And for the Smiley Face Emoticon at the end - I love those Emoticons, particularly the one.

Adge