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Something’s not right

Senior Contributor

Difference of opinion

Hi all

I normally talk in lived experience but I think this is better suited to carers.

My Mr 8 had his pediatrician appointment today and it's the first time my partner has really gone to anything in relation to our son possibly being high functioning asd. 

I was really annoyed because my partner believes there is nothing wrong with him and pretty much talked over me the whole time barely letting me talk. This led to the pediatrician say he is on the spectrum but not enough for a diagnosis. If I had been able to talk about what it is like getting him ready each morning, doing homework, or what it's like when he is home all day I think there would have been a different outcome. 

My partner works and especially during fire season can work all week including weekends. This means I'm the one who deals with most of it my partner only said what he experiences which isn't even close to the amount of stuff I wanted to cover. 

And everything the school sent in my partner disregarded saying that he is catching up and getting better. When he really isn't the teacher has even mention the fact he might be better of repeating grade 2. 


But my partner is so determined to not let our son get a 'label' that he makes it seem like he's doing better when he's really not


Re: Difference of opinion

@BabyDragon  that is a tough position to be in.

It does not seem fair that your concerns are not validated by someone who should have you back 🙁


My wife and I have 3 children. Our oldest has a verified Intellectual Disability. Our youngest is currently being assessed for same.


I found it very hard to fully understand and accept our oldest diagnosis to begin with and resisted a transition to special education.  It was my wife who was keen to pursue this. 

My reluctance was based in the belief that aiming high should result in a better outcome for our little man.  And I believed the school was doing a good job in supporting our son. (In our case there was also some unhelpful interference pushing my darling for the transition in their own interests, not tha tof our son that had me on a defence). 


I share this not to justify your partners lack of support but to say that it may be out of thinking he is doing the right thing rather than pure ignorance or stigma.  If I could start again I would definatly do things differently. Hopefully your partner will come around with time...

Is he opposed to your little one repeating year 2?

Our S1 repeated prep and I fully supported that decision despite failing to understand the full extent of his challenges. 


Also as long as the school has the right supports your little one will progress with or without a diagnosis.  We are really happy with how the school our youngest is is starting next year say they can support him and he is as yet without a diagnosis. 


Also as we are going through this process again now we have been told that a confirmed diagnosis is hard to achieve at a young age. As time progresses and more evidence is compiled you may be able to get some form of diagnosis at a later date if it is necessary.


I hope this helps in some way. 

Please ask any questions you have and I will answer them as honslestly as I can where I can. 








Re: Difference of opinion

Hi @BabyDragon and @Determined 


I don't really have a lot to offer but I wanted to let you know that I hear you and I am sorry. It is very difficult when the parents are not on the same page.


I am not with my son's father so he is mostly out of the loop when it comes to decisions around my boy's needs. He does not want to accept there is an issue nor will tell anyone/talk about it Smiley Sad

This has a MASSIVE negative impact on my boy's headspace. I tread carefully but I have emailed info around his conditions in the hope they are read.


I guess we all re-act/cope differently when things are not "perfect" for our kids Smiley Sad

Sending you love x


Tagging @Faith-and-Hope as she might be able to provide you with more insight/help x



Re: Difference of opinion

He may not be ready to accept that your son has additional needs. Until he does, I urge you to follow your gut instinct and continue discussing options with the school. Your son shouldnt have to struggle unnecessarily. A clinical psychologist will be able to assess for ASD.  

Re: Difference of opinion

Hi @BabyDragon, thank you for posting here. It sounds like a difficult situation you're in, and I feel for you Heart


I can understand your partner's perspective that having a 'label' for your son could be stigmatising. The alternative of not getting a diagnosis, though, is that he might go throughout life not getting the additional support that he might need. 

This really reminds me of how someone close to me has ADHD but never received a diagnosis as a child, as their parents didn't follow up with it (I think also related to concerns around stigma & labelling). This person then struggled throughout school, university, and life, and is finally looking into getting a diagnosis for themselves now. They were really hurt that their parents never organised the diagnosis that they needed when they were a child, and that hurt still impacts their relationship now. I'm mindful of the possibility of something similar happening with your son, especially if your gut instincts are saying a diagnosis is needed.


I wonder how open your partner is about talking about the stigma involved, and maybe challenging it a bit? Autism is a natural part of human neurodiversity, so I really wish there wasn't so much stigma. I wonder if it would help if your partner learned a bit more about people with autism- e.g.  find out some well-known people who are on the spectrum?


Also, on the chance you're not aware, Aspect is an organisation which provides support to people with autism and their families around the country, and might be worth looking into Smiley Happy


All the best from here. We're here for you too.


girasole 🌻

Re: Difference of opinion

Hi @girasole, @Dark_1975, @Myboy and @Determined,

Thank you for your responses, so my son had his appointment and we were told he is on the spectrum but he is on that line between diagnosis and no diagnosis so at the moment he is not being diagnosed but is being monitored closely so that could change. It is being recommended to his School to carry out dyslexia, cognitive and learning disability tests. Didn't even know the school was supposed to do that but his pediatrician was surprised it hadn't been done yet.


My partner is a little more comfortable after talking with the pediatrician.

Re: Difference of opinion

Great news, well done to you. Wishing you all the best for some results that help to assist you all x @BabyDragon 


Re: Difference of opinion

@BabyDragon  that sounds reassuring for you.

Good news also that your partner seems more comfortable with this process. 

Trust it all goes smoothly for you and the best outcome is reached for your little one. 

Re: Difference of opinion

Yes, I had difference of opinion as well when our daughter was diagnosed at 14, she is 23 now and there is no doubt, in the early days she seemed quirky and even I denied the suggestion by my older son. She would softly repeat 3 words at the end of the a sentence of everything she said, now I know its echolalia. I was determined to convince my husband and eventually he realised. He didn't want to realise our daughter was on the autism spectrum. He worked a lot and I was a stay at home mum, so I saw a lot as well. I wish well for you, your husband and son. Xx

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