Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Leigh]

I keep thinking of that John Farnham song. I'm not going to live in silence, I'm not going to live in fear.It's my anthem I reckon.

[Hummingbird]

Hi Leigh, 

Im sorry to hear that you too are having to endure such a stressful situation at an age where you should be enjoying a peaceful life.

He may well be on Ice at present but it may also be the after effects that some people have after using for long periods as my daughter has.

As as small child she was a naughty child that threw tantrums when she didn't get her own way, but nothing that would be classified unordinary. As a teenager she was very defiant and was always in some sort of trouble and never accepted blame for anything, but again I thought it was just a passing phase. At 18 she left home to move in with her boyfriend and was good for about 6 years. She was now 24 yrs old.  I thought life was finally settling down to normality. 

Then I got the call....I went to her home and she was in a state of psychosis. I had her sectioned, but it was the most heart wrenching experience, I foolishly convinced the psychiatrists to release her into my care. Things have gone downhill since then... She is clean now but still suffers very similar traits to drug use. The only difference is that she now sleeps through the night, eats regular meals, and the delusions of grandure have ceased to some degree.

She is much more volatile now that she is clean, she still has severe paranoia, is very manipulative, lies, accuses and always shifts the blame to someone else, usually me! any suggestion of mental health intervention creates a situation of unknown outcome, I have at times hidden all knives and scissors in my home and lock my bedroom door at night. I doubt very much that she would use them, however there is always an element of doubt as to how far she will go.

After an altercation with police when high, she avoided a jail term and was ordered to attend sessions with a psych who diagnosed her with a form of scitzophrenia exacerbated by drug use. Mental health professionals have advised me that she probably has always had an underlying mental health issue which surfaced with long term drug use. When I think back over the last 30 years raising my daughter, I now do believe that the Mental HPs were right. 

I am sorry it is having a negative impact on your marriage, this is a time you should have someone close to lean on, especially your husband. It also makes it so much harder when there is a child involved.

The  only advise to anyone in a similar situation, would be to make a room in your home a safe and private place to allow you to retreat when things are too stressful. Sounds crazy I know, but I have a lock on my bedroom door and  when I'm beside myself I retreat to my room, put my headphones on, and play some silly games on my iPad. It refocuses my thoughts to a different challenge... It works for me.. 

I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same carriage as you and many others on the train to god knows where..

LTS mentioned escape to the North Pole... I'm in, and your welcome to join us. 

Stay safe. 

[Hummingbird]

God...What I wouldn't do for just one day of complete silence..
But your right, silence harbours fear. Speaking out and sharing the load gives us more strength to take back some* control of our own sanity..

[Hummingbird]

Hi BeHappy,
Sorry I thought I had answered your post but must have forgot to press post!
No my daughter is not still using, other family members think she is but I have lived through the effects of her when on ice. She now sleeps through the night, eats regular meals, has normal energy levels, and the delusions of grandure have ceased somewhat.. Although she still has similar traits of using, I don't believe she is.
Walking on eggshells is an understatement, and I know things will not get better if I continue to allow her behaviour to rule our home. I have contacted the Mental Health team and they have provided me with an emergency number that I will use next time things get out of control.
Boundaries I have set, however she is beyond boundaries.. If she wants something, no boundaries will stop her from fulfilling her wants...not needs...as most of her demands are not a necessity. If she decides she wants something...she wants it now, right now and without compromise.
Kicking her out, I have thought of many times, as I know I'm am providing her with total lack of incentive to take control over her own life, pay her own bills, cook for herself and baby, clean her own mess, but I cannot bring myself to put the baby in a situation where her basic needs are compromised. I'm sure I would have found her alternative living arrangements if there was not a baby involved...
I do feel threatened by her behaviour at times and although I know it is not ok, my instant thoughts goes to the baby so I stand silent and walk away so as not to prolong or provoke her behaviour.

This forum is extremely helpful, knowing others are in similar or the same situation as my own has pushed me to make that dreaded call to Mental Health.. One thing I knew for months that I had to do.. I still haven't given them the nod to engage with her as yet but as mentioned before, I will if things become out of control.. Something I predict will occur over xmas, when the attention is focussed on others and not just her.... (The previous 3 Xmas days have been a nightmare)

My writings make her sound as though she is the devils sporn. She does have some good qualities, and that's the thread I hang onto when making my decisions on handling the ever present turmoil in my home.

[Hummingbird]

Definitely not only you. Is funny you should mention personality disorder as I had always likened my daughters behaviour to schizophrenia. however I was reading a site just the other night on personality disorder and yes she too fits the criteria. 

Narcissistic she is, at any event whether it be a birthday,Easter or Xmas celebration she has managed to destroy the day with her nasty remarks or tantrums..last year was a nightmare. It was almost as if she had premeditated a plan to destroy the day and once everyone was upset, she was content, and proceeded to act as if nothing had happened. 

I have prempted a scene on Xmas day this year, so I will not be having Xmas dinner at home. My other daughter is preparing lunch at her house so if the behaviour starts and depending on the severity, I will either send her home, or call the Mental Health Team. 

Dont be silent, I know how much it affects you when you hold everything in, for years I was too embarrassed or scared to speak the truth about my situation,always making febel excuses why I couldn't attend an event or couldn't hold an event in my home,  holding on to the hope that it will go away before anyone would find out... But now I share with whoever will listen.

I'm not out for sympathy ( well maybe just a little " poor me") I just found that sharing and gathering others thoughts helps to release that knot in my belly and gives a little courage to stand up to the abusive behaviour, and take back a bit of control of my life...not much but a little... 

Stand tall, let them judge you and not believe you, really,  at the end of the day, who cares what others think. I know that some must think I make some things up or over exaggerate, but unless they  have lived a life like ours, I understand how it may seem unrealistic to those who have a "Normal life"

I wholeheartedly agree that if you lose friends over the truth, then tuff.. They clearly were not true friends to begin with.. 

Does your daughter live with you? Maybe both yours and mine could share a house, at least THEY will understand each other's behaviour! 

Keep your polar boots handy, I can borrow my partners! 

[Leigh]

Another horror weekend. My son has been suicidal for weeks and could hardly get out of the chair. My husband and I have been trying to get him to accept help but he has refused and his behaviour escalated this week.Every day he was accusing us of not supporting him and telling us he was unwell.
Finally we contacted the CAT team, They tried several times to contact him but he would not answer their calls.
He was furious we had made contact and verbally threatening. We left the house, we had planned previously to stay in Melbourne for the night and shop.
All night we received threatening calls and texts. after a while we did not respond.They started again yesterday morning and when we arrived home he was waiting. I attempted to go straight to our bedroom and put a wedge under the door but he came in and started on at me for money. He worked a year ago for a few weeks and took some of the money and the rest gave to us for his bills for his house.He said if we did not give him money we would never see our granddaughter again.She was supposed to come for Christmas this year. While he did not hit me I was frightened as his emotional and verbal abuse was intense. In the end my husband went to the ATM and took money out to get rid of him.He took my car which he had borrowed a few days earlier but I had asked for it back.
When he had left we found he had smashed a small table,taken all the photos of himself and his daughter and left his dog with us saying he did not want her any more. I know we should not have caved in to his demands but there was no way to call police and the CAT team were not available after hours in our region.I feel sick with anxiety today and shaky. Will contact the CAT tomorrow for advice but if her refuses to cooperate they can't do much.

[lola]

HI Leigh, It certainly sounds like  you have had a torrid weekend, no wonder you are feeling shaky and anxious this morning.  You have been very brave and  I hope you know that you have done everything possible to help you son. However I am concerned for you and your husband....are you getting professional support? And taking care of yourselves? Please follow through tomorrow with the police and the CAT team. I hope you do get to see your grand daughter for Christmas! Take care, Lola

[Former-Member]

Thank you for this thread.  I see I am not alone. Please take note that I would also like to register my interest in some North Pole real estate. Thanks.

[Leigh]

I think we probably need an island! Our numbers are growing.Life continues in its chaotic way for me, and the CAT Team are hopeless.

[Former-Member]

The whole MH system is broken.

• Centrelink continues to take people off disability or they rail road them into New Start, to apply for jobs they have no chance of getting, or they will loose due to being out of control
• Unmedicated mentally ill people continue to race around at speed in their anxiety and park anywhere they damn well like - incurring fine after fine after fine
• They continue to hide from their own doctor/psych/counsellor
• They waste what little money they have, on whatever takes their fancy
• They abuse the only people left in their world, no matter how careful they are not to trigger an outburst.
• The CAT team just say that unless they are a non voluntary patient, they can choose not to take their meds
• The hospitals are bursting at the seams, and the training for nurses working in psych is limited and the training is nothing like it used to be.
• Police are not equipped to help
• The so called 'war on drugs' does not work and does not help dual diagnoses people

I could go on and on.  But yeah - I am over it.  Bring on the North Pole.