Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Christmas is so stressful for so many of us,bits really hard to get into the 'spirit' of it all when battling illness, loss, reminders of loss, empty chairs,  llonelines, financial strain...

WHAT MAKES CHRISTMAS HARD FOR YOU, AND WHY. 

I just wanna create a space where we can vent the thoughts and feelings tabu or misunderstood by so many. Of cause there's good mixed in ok but we don't like spoiling their fun, so when it gets you down come here  say it. 

LONELINESS is a big one, our poor @Adge is waiting on his 10th Christmas alone, but this year is even worse because COVID has caused council to shut down their only community Christmas lunch he looked fwd to. This year looks to feel extra ALONE for Adge and he's already sad because if it. And that's on top of losing his job recently. I feel for you Adge 💙💙💙

Its just me and  an  adult son in the Big Smoke who recharges best in his own company and finds Christmas 'get-to-gethers' a chore I think, an interruption to his limited time off work... (or so he makes me feel). It doesn't help that he's lost faith in the concept of 'family' after coming from a broken home and losing his sister (to asthma) suddenly when he was 21. He's right, or 'family' is shattered and I don't feel it anymore. He's become someone I know really well, and love and care about... but since he abandoned me to spend Christmas with his girlfriends family interstate acfewvyears back... and constantly talks of moving overseas permanently, yep, I can't depend on Christmas in loving company. Its a sad time.

TELL ME WHAT YOU FIND HARD ABOUT CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR?

[Former-Member]

Yeah, I guess Christmas could be adding to the underlying stress we're all feeling. Even good stress is still stress.

I'll never forget my first Christmas alone, when my son (only living child) decided to go with his girlfriend to Victoria 😞 to be with HER family 😭

I spent the whole week alone with just phone contact. I was very suicidal Ithat Christmas. I wanted to SMASH the phone, because it made my so called 'support' circle feel better having PHONED me :face_with_rolling_eyes:. I DIDN'T FEEL BETTER! Why isn't there room for me at any one of their tables?

Seems I've always been treated 2nd best, or less. 

So tired of it.

They say "go out, give what you need"  but where? I've even had soup kitchens reject my help... "got enough volunteers" they say ☹️
Anyway, this year, apart from coming to terms with my  first ever Christmas without dad (lost 6thDec), my X is having heart surgery this week & recovering post op at my son's place, closer to a  major hospitals (I'm proud of my boy for stepping up for his second-rate father, but I'm sad christmas will be overshadowed by this man, and my dad etc That's if I even get time with my boy,bothered no way I'll ever go near his father again. Christmas is kinda up-in-the-air, waiting to see if his dad recovers well, or even survives the high risk op on Thursday. My boy might struggle if something goes wrong. But I'm comforted that at least he has oldwr step-sis coming to help.

Anyway, to cope, i try to keep Christmas very low key these days,

Nope! Christmas is a MAN MADE PAGAN RITUAL - hijacked by capitalism. Its NOT from God. SANTA certainly isn't. Neither is birthdays, mother's Day, father's day, Valentine's Day... All these anniversaries are not natural, not from God - it's hype!

God is with us when and wherever we are. Alone or in a crowd. Any day of the year. He doesn't need a special day,vHe want every day. 

But yes, of cause it brings opportunity to 'party' for no real reason, have 'fun' & especially helpful if youre snowed in the middle of a Blizzard in the Northern hemisphere 🤪

Yep, Its llike a game, to deliberately choose to be happy (I struggle with this one) - something to look fwd to. Guess humans need a break from the grinstone of legalised slavery / enforced  heavy working lifestyle.

And I guess it is als an excuse to 'require more of ourselves' to 'be Happier,  and more giving... but really, shouldn't we be doing this ALL year round?

Don't get me wrong, I am joyous to remember Christ's coming, but I don't need company to rejoice in this, to pray, but I'd like to find someone else with the same depth in understanding the origins of CHRISTmas to share with 😞 My son has drifted from the faith. Even aposes it which is hard.

I once had a Christian neighbour with seven children who did NOT celebrate Christmas, no gifts either. This was foreign to me but now I understand.

Us single people are at the mercy and kindness of others to make us feel special at these times, but all too often it doesn't come and we're left feeling that there's something wrong with US (not them), that we're unloveable and unwanted and don't belong... 

Why do we let it affect us this way?

If I didn't have a son I'd boycott Christmas all together, make it just another day... that way I'm not so hurt, that everyone else in the world is
de-lu-si-on-al❗
LOL (not really)
You know what I mean.

Whatever keeps our boat afloat! 🌻

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member Too tired, Bedtime, brain has gone to sleep - So sorry, cannot contribute right now.

You described it pretty well in a Nutshell....

I know this is a bit off Topic But....

Santa just came down my street  in the back of an open Sports Car- with blaring Christmas music.

That's the local Lions Club, they do that every year.

Nice.

I always go out & wave to them, when I hear them coming.

Adge

[Former-Member]

@Adge haha Santa in a sports car. I suppose that's nice, made you smile & wave 👍 You sleep well, feel better tomorrow 💙

[chibam]

---

@Former-Member wrote:

TELL ME WHAT YOU FIND HARD ABOUT CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR?

---

A lot of things.

* That John Lennon song that goes: "So it is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun." It's not just that song, but everything about the ritual of Christmas; the reminder that a whole year has gone and nothing has gotten better since the year before.

I used to try to comfort myself while I was setting up the tree that by the time next Xmas rolled around, my life would be significantly better. Love, family, employment... my life would acquire something of value within the next 12 months. Now, I don't hold out hope for the following year anymore; just fear. The longing is still there, but the hope is long gone.

* Christmas carol love songs, like: "All I want for Christmas is you" and "What are you doing New Year's Eve?" Although they are lovely songs, there's a bittersweetness to them in that I like to imagine that someone is singing them about me, or that I have someone to sing them to - except I don't. And even if I can lose myself in the imagery of the song, there's the inevitable "wham moment" when it ends when I plummet back to reality and realize I'm all alone.

* The ever-looming (yet so-far unmentioned) threat of having to meet up with the relatives and/or neighbors again for a seasonal gathering; though hopefully coronavirus might hold that off this year. Last year, it was cancelled because of the fires. We had a bushfire that was posing a serious threat to our house. Yet despite that, I was ultimately glad it was burning out there because it granted me a reprieve from having to put up with my relatives. That's how messed up the situation is.

[Snowie]

@Former-Member what a great thread.

There are many of us that find christmas hard and triggering.

Somewhere to come and talk or just sit is needed for many of us, myself included.

Christmas can be a very triggering day for many. I find most of the time I put my needs and feelings aside just to please everyone else and play "happy families'.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Snowie, yep, playing "happy families" or plain old "happy" to keep everyone else happy is madening. I wanna be real.

[Former-Member]

Oh @chibam, I so relate to the Christmas song triggers. Know the two you mention. And that feeling that every year it's that little bit worse, and blackdog saying "it's all goinf to the dogs any time now" I sure hear ya. Its hard. Keep talking, were listening ,💜

[Adge]

I went to my fortnightly MH Social Lunch - They had a Christmas Lunch today.

Then I've done some more shopping.

I ordered my Christmas Hampers online.

They get posted from Vic to NSW - So they should arrive for my brothers & Mum within a few days.

Much faster, than if I posted parcels from here (WA) to NSW.

Except that nearly all the types of Hamper had sold out - So I had only one type to choose from (more expensive).

Yes this time of year is very triggering.

An increased sense (feeling) of "Being left out".

Which is made worse by several neighbours having very loud parties (with many people), all around me.

Also Dad's Birthday (another Trigger) is 2 days after Christmas - Which is just miserable, because he's not here anymore.

Adge

[Adge]

Just to Clarify @Former-Member @Snowie @chibam & anyone who's interested.

It's not Christmas Day (in particular), that can be stressful, triggering, or a strong reminder of being alone (& feeling left out).

For me & for many other people - it's the entire Christmas & New Year period, lasting several weeks (or a month) at least.

The crowding, rushing, & chaos at shopping centres (in particular) is stressful or triggering.

So now I need to remind myself to not go to any major shopping centres at this time of year, if possible.

For example, last year I had to go to a local (semi-major) shopping centre, for an appointment on Christmas Eve.

I was met with a Big Shock - No car bays were free anywhere, in the huge carpark (several carparks). Cars were driving up & down the carpark, looking for spots.

I parked in a parking bay a very long walk away, at the far end (there was no Reserved sign on the Bay).

A mechanic came out & screamed at me, telling me that those parking bays were reserved for his customers - even though it was part of the shopping centre carpark, with no reserved sign on it.

I was not there to do an Last-minute Panic Buying (as most others were) - I was simply there for an appointment.

I don't deserve to have to deal with that Chaos & Rude Behaviou - Just because it's Christmas Time (or Holiday Season).

No one deserves to have to deal with that.

Yes I am a Social Person - I am Very Easy to Get on With (generally).

Yet it Really Is "Too Peopley Out there", at this time of Year....

Adge