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Something’s not right

Hope4me
Senior Contributor

CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

Hi everyone;

Firstly, I want to apologise to those who've come to rely on me to respond or look forward to my company on the forum; I've sort of hit the skids again and haven't had what it takes to post. I'm sorry...

 

I've worked really hard over the past five years to battle inner demons and recover from major setbacks with my MH. Yes, a solid pat on the back is deserved. However, I've found myself in the grip of yet another situation that torments me.

 

My diagnosis of Complex PTSD was and still is a constant lurking in the background waiting for when life imitates the past. Triggers of helplessness I thought I'd left behind are surfacing. I only said to my sis yesterday how well I am and not to worry, though I did notice, as the words left my lips there was a nagging feeling of falseness in my gut. Our bodies don't lie...I don't know who I was trying to convince more, her or me.

 

There's an intensity to financial crisis via systems that are hell bent on making it as difficult as possible to receive $ support. (Centrelink and my previous employer) I find myself in yet another situation where convincing authorities that cptsd symptoms make it nearly impossible to cope with crisis', and therefore impede my ability to move forward and get off the welfare round-a-bout.

 

When I was bullied at work I interviewed for other jobs but failed due to my declining MH. It was the same a month ago when I met with a panel to secure a position in the community services system to ease my financial burden. That door's now closed as I'm self aware enough to realise I don't have what it takes anymore to be someone's employee.

 

The result is a feeling of entrapment; turning in circles trying to find an avenue of escape or success to pull me out of this hole. I fear selling my home is the only way to avoid living hand to mouth and in debt.

 

People who know me think I'm the strong one, but they're wrong. I've come to understand the level of support I need to survive these types of events is bigger than I'm used to; the humiliation's horrible.

 

I've taken some prn medication to calm the invasive fearful thoughts, intense analysing, wanting to walk away from life and helpless tears that don't seem to end. You guys know the drill.

 

Writing's helping to sort the forest from the trees, but doesn't provide critical answers I so sorely need. Maybe it is time to pick up stumps and move back to the land of renting. If I sell to an investor, they may allow me to stay on. It's a thought...

 

Anyway, living alone I wanted to get a few things off my chest. Posting's always a good option to open the flood gates. Thanks to all who read or respond.

 

Hope xo Heart 👵

9 REPLIES 9

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

Hi @Hope4me  sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment.  I also have cPTSD so I get it.  Just sending warm wishes and making sure you know you can talk to me about it if you want to.

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

hearing you @Hope4me ive got c-ptsd too so can relate to how you might be feeling. im sorry youve been through all that you have but thank you for sharing some of your life with us so we can better understand how your going.
You are stronger than you think, but you dont have to be strong all the time and theres nothing wrong with needing more support. Your just as important as anyone else. big hugs Heart

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

🤦‍♀️ Thankyou @outlander @eth 🙏👼💙

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

Sorry to hear what you are going through @Hope4me, do you have someone in the community services sector help you guide your way through? Please know that asking for help is nothing to be embarrassed about, life doesn't come with an instruction manual so we all need help at one point or another.   

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

Thankyou @Ali11 @outlander @eth @jay2 @greenpea @Former-Member @Zoe7 @CheerBear @Appleblossom so much for your concern, support and encouragement.

 

My mind's clearer today after sleeping 11 hrs!!! Goodness me I must've needed it. Becoming overwhelmed is a bi-product of my cptsd which causes havok with problem solving.

 

I'm ever so grateful to Sane and all you wonderful people. Getting things out of my head and onto the page was a huge help after the confusion hit and; your kindness and generosity of spirit shined through in response yet again.

 

I'm going to be ok. It's pragmatic hard work and a little sacrifice for a while that's required more than anything. Getting stuck in worry does nothing but avoid the obvious; getting into it. I've done well to suspend some bill payments for a few months due to being ahead. (including mortgage yay!) So I'm rolling my sleeves up...

 

I want to send a special shout-out to @Shaz51 for tagging me quite a few times during my sojourn. Unfortunately I couldn't respond but I did appreciate the attention.

Thankyou hun for thinking of me 🕊 

Also, warm thoughts to our 'Craft Corner' lovelies 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️ who inspire with their passion and enthusiasm. I appreciate being included.

 

Well, I must go, dinner tonight with family. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with bells on.

 

Sending special kind thoughts;

Hope xo Heart 👵

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

wow 11 hrs! @Hope4me you mustve really needed it!
hope family dinner is good
hugs Heart

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

Great news @Hope4me  So glad things are going a bit better for you.  See you soon!

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

great news @Hope4me  HeartHeart

awwwww I think of you everyday @Hope4me 

Re: CPTSD - Just when you think you're ok, it strikes again.

So happy to hear you're going to be okay @Hope4me, and glad to know the forums have been helping. It's heartwarming to log in each day and see how much support everyone gives each other on here Heart And 11 hours?! That sounds rejuvenating

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