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Something’s not right

MissMilly
New Contributor

Bp partner always breaking off relationship

Hi, ive resorted to a forum because i dont really have anyone else to talk to about this. 

I have been with my partner on and off for 2 years now, everytime its off its his decision. Its like a routine every couple of months. It usually begins with him not replying to my messages for weeks at a time, when i ask him if he wants to end things i usually only get an 'i dont know what i want' 'relationships make me stressed', 'seeing anyone all the time makes me stressed', he never actually ends it unless i kind of demand an answer which makes me think he knows he is likely going to want to be with me when he is not 'stressed' anymore, so he is just trying to wait out the stressed period until he feels up for a relationship again. 

I'm just not exactly sure how to deal with it, i have my own anxiety issues which causes me to panic myself when this happens. He doesnt take medication (he thinks it makes him feel worse or feel nothing at all) and he doesnt get any profession help. He immerses himself in his work because if he isnt working he says it gives him too much time to think which he doesnt like. 

He is the most amazing partner and when he is feeling well he always wants to talk and see me and when he isnt feeling well he is never mean about it, he is just very vacant and only says things like 'i dont know whats wrong, i cant explain it, im sorry'. And then when he is well again he is so positive and sure about us. One day he will be telling me how happy he is to have me and then suddenly i wont hear from him for weeks or months.

I dont believe im putting any pressure on the relationship when were together, everytime its progressed its been because he wanted it to. 

I guess i am just looking for an explanation as to what may be going through his head when this is happening because he is unable to tell me. And i dont know what im supposed to do.

I have never had a relationship so perfect when he is well, this is the only thing interfering with our relationship. He also doesnt like himself very much and thinks he is a bad boyfriend despite me assuring him he isnt.

1 REPLY 1

Re: Bp partner always breaking off relationship

Hey there @MissMilly  thanks so much for sharing. I am sorry to hear about the sporadic communication coming from your partner, no doubt it's confusing at times, you sound like a very compassionate person. Factoring in his mental health is obviously very important to you, but I am guessing this pattern is starting to wear you down a bit.

 

It's important to note that even when we are diagosed or presenting with complex mental health challenges, disrespecting a partner is still not okay. I think it's okay for you to have values and boundaries you implement. Many of our forum members have lived experience of mental health diagnosis but also know the importance of communication and ensuring the people in their lives are cared for. I guess the key thing is really understanding what you want, what kind of relationship dynamic works for you? I think you're spot on if he were open to seeking some sort of face to face therapy it could be a real game changer. Our Sane help centre may have some general strategies you can employ as well to help you communicate this kind of info to him Heart, you can give them a call on 1800 187 263.

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