A hard day

[Zoe7]

Spent the day on the couch with Tobes @creative_writer and Clover on and off - cats definitely do their own thing.

Just got outside for a bit - fixed my front fence and painted the edges of my new-to-be-laid garden edging. It is all joined and painted - just needs to be put in place and concreted in ...then I can lay the path properly. That might be the up side of some time off. My pdoc wants me to get outside and do the things I love. I really did not feel like doing any of that today but to do just a little is a win. I can't stay on the couch all week as both my pdoc and I know the more time I have to 'do nothing', the quicker I go down hill to a place hard to recover from - that is why we are not planning any further than the weekend at present to see how I feel after the funeral.

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 cats are truly something. They are feisty little things.

I think it’s about finding balance, you don’t want to overdo things but you don’t want to under-do it either. Take it moment by moment. I hope today has been okay for you 💖🫂

[Zoe7]

Hey @creative_writer ❤️ I want to thank you so much for being here with me this past week and a half. It has meant so much to have some positivity and kindness from you.

I got outside again this afternoon - just a couple of hours in bits and pieces but it was good. I finished putting the garden edges in place and relaid one path. Hopefully I can get outside again tomorrow and do the other side. The other side is temporarily in place so I knew I had enough pavers. It will take a bit more work to lay properly but I am kind of excited to get it done. That is a big step up for me from the tears and low mood of the last week. The thought of going back to work is still stressful though so I will stick to the plan and wait until the funeral is over to see how I am really travelling.

Couch, fur babies and Father Brown on my laptop for this evening.

How are you doing Hon?

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 so happy you got lots of work done, some days will be harder than others. I do hope things ease up for you, though I do know grief is rough and can take time. People move grief at their own phase, and can sometimes even oscillate between the stages.

Watching TV can be a good distraction. I had dinner and watched some TV. I watched a Turkish show with English subtitles.

I’m certainly doing better, it’s just been a bit stressful because I think I was triggered on the weekend, granny has also been really sick. I’m also trying to find work as a new graduate

[Zoe7]

I did get outside more yesterday @creative_writer and finished laying the front paths. I still need to get some sand to sweep into the joints but will do that either tonight after the funeral or tomorrow. There is a Bunnings close to the funeral place so I might drop in quickly today before the wake - see how I am feeling. It might be a good mini break for me in between the service and wake ...Bunnings is my happy place! I also have to do some shopping and go to the chemist but they can wait until tomorrow. Might get out early to vote then shopping, chemist and home for the rest of the weekend to try to get organised for work next week. At this stage I am planning on going back Monday but have no idea how I am going to feel after the funeral.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother Hon. I lost mine many years ago but she was sick for a while - and it was very hard. She was my best friend and I miss her every day. Towards the end, it was kinder for her to not know much and her pain to end. I think I dealt with that grief so much better as I had so much time with her and nothing left unsaid. 

What work are you looking for @creative_writer ? I hope you get something soon. It is hard looking for work - and even harder to find the right fit. Fingers crossed for you ❤️

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 I'm glad that you've been able to find your happy place. I think just see how you go, there is nothing wrong with pacing yourself, you have a lot going on. You can also see if you feel up for Monday on the weekend. I hope you are able to take care of yourself after the funeral ❤️.

It is hard seeing granny ill, I was so overwhelmed that I became numb. I know life is limited and she is getting closer to the end, but you see, my heart is struggling to accept that. I am stuck in disbelief.

I am looking for social work graduate friendly jobs. At this point it's about getting my foot through the door, it's easier to move around once you're in. Though it does need to be supportive enough for a new grad

[Zoe7]

The funeral was lovely @creative_writer His Mum spoke so well and so lovingy about him. They were inseparable though so I am not surprised. I don't know how she got through it though💔 I did the eulogy for my grandmother and was pretty much on automatic pilot by then. I did not stay at the wake for long. Caught up with a couple of old friends which was nice. Had a moment with his Mum then left them all to it. So many people there which is such a testament to the beautiful soul he was.

I hope something perfect comes up for you work-wise soon. Such a perfect area for you to be working in Hon ❤️

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 it does sound like the funeral was lovely. It's perfectly normal to go on automatic pilot mode, grief is hard. It does sound like he was very loved. I hope you are able to rest up tonight ❤️.

Social work is rewarding, but can be so challenging, especially if you have your own mental health struggles. I took a break after uni to wind down from a big year. I didn't start applying for jobs properly until this year, I was way too burnt out to apply for jobs while studying. It was reassuring the my pdoc has seen progress in me. I honestly felt like my old psych was sceptical about whether I could manage in the field. I have a new psych now

[Zoe7]

I am so glad I went and witnessed the massive amount of love from everyone for him @creative_writer The beautiful words from everyone really helped. The biggest take away was that he would want everyone to go on living our best lives. Right now it is hard to look past the next couple of days but I do feel slightly better than I have been. At this stage I certainly have not decided when I will return to work - the weekend 'coming down' from the funeral will no doubt be hard ...but I have more hope now that I will be able to return to work soon ...see how tomorrow is and if I have the energy to get all the planning done.

I started work in both research and DV. Both were part time jobs but sometimes I would work from 8am to 10pm ...those days were tiring but also rewarding. I found it difficult sometimes working in DV but I was generally able to switch off from my own experiences and use them to help others. I hope you find you will be the same with Social Work.

Quiet night in with my fur babies and the NRL on tv.

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 death always hits the people left in this world. I don’t know about your beliefs, I lost my maternal grandpa when I was a toddler, I’ve felt the loss of never getting to know him. I do look forward to being reunited in the next life. I believe separation is temporary, and that sort of helps me. But I know everyone has their own beliefs.

I do want to help other people who have also experienced trauma, but I don’t ever see myself working for places like CASA. I am not sure if you’re familiar with CASA, it’s an organisation that provides counselling for individuals who have experienced SA. Like I know I will come across victim survivors in other workplaces, but if all my client have experienced SA, it might get a bit intense, especially if it’s full time