Lived Experience Forum

[Twilightsomniac]

Hi all,

Wasn't quite sure where to put this eventually chose social space hope that's OK just didn't really know what category was best.

I recently realised that there is a stigma around sexual abuse victims that they either turn to drugs or find God.

It annoys me that so many people assume that as someone who went through sexual abuse from the age of 2 to 21 that because I'm not on drugs, I must be religious.

If I was being honest the Catholic/Christianity faith is triggering to me. I spent most of my childhood being told by a very religious grandmother that even though it's not my fault I was no longer pure in the eyes of the church - that started at 5 after my first abuser was caught. I was also constantly told that all the hardships I've been through are all part of gods plan... essentially by the age of 18 I denounced my family faith and have never been back to a church. 

I absolutely hate being told that when I'm struggling I should read the bible or listen to this religious podcast because people assume that as a sexual abuse victim I have faith.

[hanami]

Hi @Twilightsomniac 

You make really good points. I cant totally understand why talk of Christianity and Catholicism is triggering for you and many others. 

Hugs

Hanami

[Twilightsomniac]

@hanami,

Thanks, I just get really frustrated when I tell people I'm struggling because of a triggering event like my 5th abuser being released from prison or family still talking to my 11th abuser because 'he's still family' and people immediately suggesting this bible podcast where you type in problems and its reads out bible pieces that supposedly help. 

I mean I didn't see my grandmother tell my uncle he was unpure in the eyes of the church when my family learned what he did.

It just becomes an almost constant thing though, you feel like this... read that verse, feel like that... read this verse. 

I just find it so incredibly insensitive.

[Little_Leopard]

@Twilightsomniac 

I have no idea how people come up with this stuff.

so untrue and not even close to reality.

I have found the opposite is true. It’s the religious people who are the abusers in my experience. Not the abused being religious.

I think many people who have experienced trauma may dabble in religion for a bit but I think that’s true for anyone going through a hard time. It’s not just a trauma thing.

I Understand the drug addiction stigma because research shows that trauma survivors sometimes use drugs numb or detach from unbearable psychological pain. But that’s still a stupid assumption to make about a person you dont know. 

many survivors don’t use drugs. 

the “abuse being gods plan” thing is not an uncommon thing to be said amongst the Christians. Especially the Pentecostal ones. Just goes to show how little they understand their own faith.

There is some issues with this around Buddhism and Karma with the old school monks as well. The westernisation and scientific “cleansing” of Buddhism as a religion should wash this delusion away soon I hope. 

[Little_Leopard]

@Twilightsomniac 

I personally wouldn’t be in contact with any family or friend who were on talking terms with an abuser. That in itself would be a trigger.

[hanami]

Oh it's incredibly insensitive! So awful that they are still speaking to your abusers. I would find it unforgivable. 

😒

[Little_Leopard]

@hanami 

Me to!

[Appleblossom]

Me three @Twilightsomniac 

It has taken me a long time to sift through all the 'who did what' in my experience.

@Little_Leopard sadly makes important points.

Abuse by people in positions of power and in the churches and community groups is very problematic.  The shocking thing is that it was almost accepted in the past.

Do what you have to do to find your path of healing.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Twilightsomniac , I am so very sorry to hear that you suffered sexual abuse from ages 2 to 21 😞

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@Twilightsomniac wrote:

I spent most of my childhood being told by a very religious grandmother that even though it's not my fault I was no longer pure in the eyes of the church - that started at 5 after my first abuser was caught. I was also constantly told that all the hardships I've been through are all part of gods plan

I am shocked and dismayed by this 😞 It is religious abuse. 

Have you heard of Religious Trauma Syndrome? I have it, and others here on the forums do too. 

Do you have a counsellor /psychologist?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 🙂

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[Twilightsomniac]

Hi @hanami, @Little_Leopard, @Appleblossom, @NatureLover and anyone else who sees.

@NatureLover I've never heard of religious trauma syndrome, but honestly it wouldn't surprise me to have it.

While I do actually have a counsellor and been referred to a psych, my current GP was actually a trauma psychologist before he switched to  being a GP.

I have actually been apart of forums for around 5 years just the first time I deactivated an account was because of family and the second time was because of a few insensitive replies. But as a whole Sane Forums is really supportive.