Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Silenus]

I wonder how many strains, sprains and dislocations the average person has had in their life... ten... maybe fifteen... I'm just guessing, but that sounds about right to me... correct me if I am wrong... Me? I'm a different story... I have hypermobility... a genetic disorder that means many of my joints move way too much for their own good... throughout the course of my life, I have had hundreds and hundreds of strains, sprains and dislocations... every moment of my life, I have had to deal with at least three or four soft tissue injuries at the same time... all of my life, I have known no other reality than constant pain and inflammation... usually, I will sustain some injury throughout the course of a day or whilst I move unknowing during sleep or nightmare... then, I guard that injury in order to protect it, and old injuries flare up or new injuries result... I try to balance each of these multiple injuries within the greater context of my day to day life... I try to function and do the physical work and movement that needs to be done in my regular day as best as I can... injury after injury, bouncing off each other... aggravating each other... just pain and inflammation and ever more pain... this is the simple reality of my life... alas, because all of this pain is invisible, people make their petty judgements and draw their ignorant conclusions, and often suppose that I am making it all up... I almost wish that I could share a day of my pain with them, to teach them humility and compassion, but I am not that cruel... I would not wish pain on anyone... and so instead I write these words, in the hope that just one person steeped in ignorance will see something beyond their narrow judgemental field of vision... I hope that this person will take a moment to ponder the invisible world of physical and emotional pain that we all live in to varying degrees, and to perhaps consider compassionate responses to fellow people in pain...

[Silenus]

This is my life... a bipolar brain that does not stop versus a hypermobile body that regularly is forced to stop... this battlefield of my body and mind... ever and always at conflict... here am I in the bunker in the middle, copping fire from all sides...

[Silenus]

You should never be lazy exercising your morality, your innate sense of right and wrong...

[Silenus]

The greatest gift imaginable is the one we have already been given... to be alive at all is this immeasurable gift... every day, I offer each breath of my body as a sigh of gratitude for this gift of life...

[Silenus]

Some more random thoughts...

Never let artists run a business... the art interferes with the business, and the business interferes with the art...

Talk first, yell second... be silent most of all...

The perfect couple... you find ways of being alone together and together apart, and everything in between...

Put very simply, life is all about stripping away the layers of projection, indoctrination and social programming that rule us every day, in order to live a truly honest life rather than a second hand life of ever-repeating patterns...

[Silenus]

Sending a hug to you this morning @BlueBay 🙂

Happy vibes beaming to you all...

[Silenus]

Invisible Pain
-----------------------

If I had a tumour on my face,
My pain you would embrace;
There wouldn't be any doubt,
No finger point or righteous pout.

But my hurt is inside my brain,
Constantly carrying invisible pain;
You can't see it, you are flying blind,
This invisible pain, inside my mind.

[Silenus]

Good night... sleep well... and dream sweetly of sour wood apples...

[BlueBay]

A Poem I just thought of in my time of tears, mentally and physically not well today:

If Only ......

If only I could change things

and wipe away the tears

If only I could forget the past

along with all the fears

If only the sun would shine on me

and bring me everything

But all i feel right now is darkness

If only ......

If only someone could lift me up

from the darkness i am in

and take me to the where sun shines

and let the worries beam away

There is no rainbow right now

there is no sun for me

'cause all i see right now

is darkness doom and down

If only others would understand

and see where I've been

they would wrap their arms around me

and keep me safe from harm

If only i could voice this fear

and let it be heard by me

I wish i could let it all out

If only I could be ........

[Silenus]

Gentle hugs @BlueBay

Your beautiful poem... so heartfelt... so pure an expression of what the darkness is like...

Thank you for sharing this gift... the acceptance of the gift honours the giver...

More gentle hugs...

You inspired me to write a poem just now... I offer this modest gift in return... hugs and happy vibes beaming to you...

~~~~~~~ ♤♧♢♡ ~~~~~~~

The Light
----------------

I too spend time in the darkness...
It is a mean investment, but sometimes necessary...
For too long, we are bathed in the cold harsh reality of light...
We descend into the cold harsh reality of darkness...

The darkness consumes us and we are consumed by it...
Our inner flame flickers, fighting bravely, sputters, goes out...
The embers cool and fade to darkest of dark dead coal...
The darkness is complete; there is no you-me-us-them; only darkness Eternal...

We look for that faint will-o'-the-wisp in the distance...
Barely discernible from the uniform uncaring darkness...
Is it a foolish fire, a figment of our imagination, perhaps a mirage...
Or just random firing of our starved optic nerve...

Is it hallucination...
Vexation...
Cessation...
Above our station...

We doubt the light exists at all; if it did, we wouldn't darkness deserve...
Never again to be bathed in golden light so warm and bright and large...
We look for that faint will-o'-the-wisp in the distance...
Barely discernible from the uniform uncaring darkness...

We look for ways to dig our way out of this deep dark hole...
But even brave hope is starved and dies from darkness this internal...
The darkness consumes us and we are consumed by it...
Our inner flame flickers, fighting bravely, sputters, goes out...

From outside or inside, finally a spark is seen in the dead of Eternal night...
We return to the light in all its magnificence and starkness...
I too spend time in the darkness...
It is a mean investment, but sometimes necessary...