I was beginning to think I was going crazy (even more crazy)!!!
she is in her 50’s she’s not young
she should kniw better
She’s a kniw it all and does nit understand my mental illness. She is a two faced bitch.
We used to be very close but not snymire. And to be honest I don’t want to. She is condescending and I feel she puts me down.
I told hubby and kids and they keep telling me to not worry.
And by the way she cane in to wirk last week with a horrible cold. The pharmacist sent her home. She then comes back this week still coughing and not well. She should have stayed home. Nit come in and spread her germs. But oh no not her she has to be a martyr and show she can still wirk.
Grrr she makes me angry.
I can’t affird ro get this years flu because I always get asthma as well and then end up in hospital.
I don’t know if me being on here is causing problems with others
maybe i need to leave forever
I struggle to support so many on here
I try to be my best snd reply to as many as I can
and when I don’t I hit the support button
i never mean to cause problems with others in here
it’s too hard to talk about
msybe if I leave forever it will be better because at the moment I feel vulnerable emotional overwhelmed
maybe my time on life is over
maybe I just need to go
I’m not looking for who replies or how many replies
I’m just not good
but it doesn’t matter
my heart is aching so much that niw im crying
I missed this post @BlueBay - and I'm sorry that you feel so bleak about being a member here when actually you are a very vital contributor and your honesty helps others to be honest - it has helped me to be more honest and also - your honestly has helped me enormously to understand my son's inner life - something he was too young and too scatterbrained to verbalise -
If anyone here is sick of you then they are not posting - there are plenty of people who do post on your thread - why would anyone be tired of reading about someone who is so clear with their thoughts and shares them so openly?
Anyway - I see your life has many facets and I would not see that if you did not contribute so much to the forum - and it must be very hard sorting out all the different part in your mind so it is realy good that you do keep your journal here -
So - you have your past and you can't change that but it has caused a lot of issues that you have today - the things you can change is how you see them and how you interact with other people - esp Huffnpuff
And I think he is about the hardest part because he gets into your stuff and moves it around and complains about everything from the coffee mugs and the coffee itself to the state of your bank accounts and he doesn't contribute to your well being but puts you down - I know I keep saying it but that's okay - he has to change and I know from my own experience that's really hard
Then you have your work mates - your unfriendly put-downer needs to be ignored - she is under-cutting your for her own reasons and I have a feeling that she is jealous of you - yes - I do think that - you have a lot of strong attributes that you can't see - and you have a wonderful family - you have done well - good work there
When it comes to hopes, wishes, dreams and programmes - yes - you do have them - you have your holiday coming up and you have earned that and you have hopes that your marriage will last - I didn't have that - maybe yours won't last - who knows - but one thing you can have to hold onto is that you can learn to change things for yourself
And you have your kids and little A
I know you despair but don't give up - I remember a time in my life when the next hour was too much so I lived by 20 minutes at a time. I was in so much emotional turmoil I could not see out and sometime then my minister said "Ï can't change anything for you but you can change things for yourself"
And I changed so much - not all on the one day - but I changed my marital status and my name and found a new place to live and changed my phone number and got a new car - I finished my Honours Degree which took me 12 years studying part time because I worked and I am amazed I did that through the years when I was so bogged down in troubles -
Your life's different but the point is that we can change - and change is difficult and it can really hurt - not just us but other people - sometimes that's necessary
Your life is worth living - there is something better for you - I know you are sensitive and emotional but that's you - I can get into a real twist myself at times but most of that is in the past
You are worth it BlueBay and it is obvious here that people love you and admire you or they wouldn't post
I am still at Maroochydore Airport - my plane is delayed and I will be here for some time yet - that's okay - I am a seasoned traveller by now
But on the bright side - it's really warm up here - rather be where it's warm than in the cold and I do know how it is when you feel too cold to do anything
Making chicken soup sounds good - I make a lot of soup and add my own herbs and usually a beef stock - aw - I am hungry - I can get something to eat here - there's no business class lounge though
I think that this issues you have with Huffnpuff are the hardest things you have to deal with - if you had his support - or even if he just stopped putting you down - I am sure you would start seeing things more clearly -
When I was married I felt as if I was living with a statue except I was always waiting for one of his stock phrases that were excuses for him not to do anything for the day - I really do understand how tough it is when someone is just trying to make some kind of excuse - egad!! - I would be tense waiting and then he would say it - it really annoyed me - I am so glad I don't have to put up with that now
Problems at work and problems at home and you must feel so lost at times
There is certainly no need for you to leave the forum though - what would you do otherwise? Life would be lonely without the contacts you have made here - and I really care about you and I would miss you so much
Things will be better if you can work through some of this issues with Huffnpuff with your therapist - I think you have to wait until September which seems like a long time - that's really tough
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