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i'm tired of this

uh... hi? this is all pretty new and foreign to me, and i'm not sure if i'm really doing this right, but i hope you all get the gist...

 

well, here's why i'm posting here:

my mental health this past year has been slowly deterioriting day by day. sometimes i don't even realise it, sometimes i do. i'm not even completely sure how to explain it, but i feel it.

 

i've been trying to label my deterioritaing mental health, but i've never known how. depression maybe? possibly. but a part of me doesn't believe it's too bad to be labeled depression, but another part of me screams that it definitely is.

 

another part of me thinks i might have a bipolar disorder. i have weird bouts of anger and sadness sometimes so quickly straight after each other that i can't catch myself. i'll lash out unreasonably at my friends for doing the littlest things and then a second later, will go back to normal and crack jokes. this has happened several times. a lot of times, actually. it happened twice yesterday when two of my friends caught my bus home with me to come to my house before my friend's birthday party.

 

we were at the bus station waiting for my mum to pick us up and they started dancing a tiktok dance (gah that sounds cringey) in front of everyone at the bus station and suddenly i felt really really really angry. i tried to justify my anger at them by saying that i come to the bus station every day and they were embarassing me in front of everyone with their provactive dancing, but even i knew my anger was unjustified. whether i started lashing out at them and cursing them might have been because i was just exhausted from the heat and the day at school, or i have some serious anger issues, i don't know. but continuing on the story, once we got back home and we were all in my room, i did a complete 360 and i was back cracking jokes and acting hyper and laughing. my friends are used to this behaviour by now and they act like it's normal but i feel sick. 

 

the second time this happened yesterday was actually at my friend's birthday party. i was all happy, hyper-active, and laughing, but then one of my friends made a joke during the game we were playing about me that kind of hurt my feelings, and i retreated back to my shell and did, yet again, another 360. i began acting withdrawed, not talking to anyone, staring blankly at absolutely nowhere. i ignored my friends and moved as far away as possible i could. even when they talked to me, i would murmur under my breath and only give them one handed answers. i'm so sick and tired of this behaviour that i do and as much as i hope it isn't a mental illness, i have a slimmer of thought that it is.

 

please help me. anyone. i'm so lost.

1 REPLY 1

Re: i'm tired of this

hi @valentina and welcome to you
it sounds very tough to be trying to manage!

can I ask if your over 18 though? just as you mentioned school. it is unfortunate however these forums are intended to be for people over the age of 18 however there is a site called reachout.com where they have forums similar to this but for young people (14-25)

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