Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

hi all lately Im really feeling afraid of missing out,missing out on being social even though at times I dont feel I want to be social but part of me really wants to be social ,almost desperate to be social,to find a man to be my boyfriend,to date to spend time with Im really needing that feeling of being held by someone,love,affection,proctection,security,yet I also still want to have independance ,Ive been thinking and longing for someone to share my life with,I feel as though I want and need someone,and not having that someone makes me feel quite lonely and isolated,and then I feel distant from my own family,Ive had quite a few thoughts and feelings on my social issues,my lack of being able to find someone to be with and Im very self aware now of how I feel and what my needs are,part of me is trying to be positive about it by thinking things like maybe theres a guy out there looking very hard for someone like me,I have to just belive that one day I will be married ,Im trying to reasurre myself rather than have family members reasure me or tell me there opinions.advice about dating,relationships with men ect Im trying to do this on my own ,Can I do this on my own? ,Ive come to realise what I have shared with some family and other family has been two different views Ive been showing to two different parts in the family,I definetly have internal struggle going on in my thoughts and head about this issue as it concerns me alot that I dont have someone yet ,dont have a man yet,is it cause Im not trying hard enough? Believe me Im very much on the look out for someone but almost too much on the lookout for a man cause part of me feels like giving up on finding him,I know who I need but still cant find him,Ive started looking on Tinder but not expecting too much from Tinder ,seen a few potentials to just have a friendship maybe date them but alot of the guys on Tinder no offense dont seem that appealing I mean its hard to find someone genuine cause its hard to tell what there like in character by just a few photos and a summary which may or may not be correct information about each person,Im trying so hard to look for someone but still cant find him,where is he? this issue of not being able to find someone is mesing with my mental health the most at the moment,that and feeling like Im distant from family as for that well now my excuse is family is busy,Im busy ,where all too busy,I havent had a proper talk with some family members since the new year started,it seems they dont want to talk at the moment or maybe thats just my stupid thinking,back to my social/no relationship with a man issue ,Ive thought about family members past opinions things theyve said ,some of there advice sounded more like preasure for me to find someone and again my lack of being able to find someone and then others have been more hopeful ,telling me that yes theres a man for me out there somewhere,Things wont stay the same for me forever,Ill find someone to date ect,to other opinions of is there something wrong with you mentally,you wont find someone if you stay in your loungeroom,you wont find someone if your always with your younger brothers, the negative opinions paired with my fear of missing out on a relationship have caused me to try to be more outgoing and in particular wear more revealing clothing and try to always look right incase I meet a guy ect and Im trying to be myself but at the same time pushing myself to be seen as single and ready to mingle,which to men must look as though Im too desperate,I give some family the impression that I dont want to get married,and yet to other family members I give the impression that I really want to get married and as for me acting like I dont want someone thats me covering my real feelings of wanting someone and Im doing that covering my true feelings of wanting someone out of again a feeling of fear,theres too much fear on my part on both sides there opinions and my feelings about this issue,I may have to be staright up honest with those family Ive told that I dont want someone cause honestly I must be confusing half the family,I dont want to admit what I want and need out of fear maybe fear of Judgement for saying hey I actually do want someone I just donnt like admitting my needs even though I know I want and need someone to marry its hard for me to admit that to some family so I push them away and put up my walls about it instead of telling everyone the truth and instead of telling everyone just one answer

[Krishna]

Oh @LostAngel . Take a breath honey. A big deep breath. It's natural to want companionship and someone to love us and it's also something you can't push or control. Don't change who you are or how you usually present yourself to suit someone else, or what you believe a man wants to see, because in the long run you'll attract someone not suitable to you.  Don't try too hard in this endeavour, it's exhausting. Have a clear picture in your heart, the type of person you want to connect with. Maybe join groups of like minded people with your interests and take yourself places you like to go. You're more likely to connect with someone there. Make sure to love yourself first and when you do meet someone who ignites a spark you'll know it. Sending hugs sweetheart. Enjoy your Sunday xx

[LostAngel]

thank you @Krishna needed to hear those words,just an update Ive signed up to Tinder not toomuch expectations have started talking to someone on Tinder though we seem to share simular intrests so taking it slow and have been messaging each other back and forth a bit ,explained to them how Im taking things slowy ect ,just talking about general likes and dislikes to begin with ,I may have to have a talk with family for advice though,this person seems honest so far just talking about intrests and what we each expect from dating someone personality traits ect so not too deep too fast,I am feeling quite all over the place today so yes need a deep breathe,if it turns out this guy isnt genuine then Im gonna see how things go with others,your so right though I need to take a deep breathe,I need to stop stressing lets just see how things go for now,Im being careful and am not giving away too much info too quickly,the subject of chemistry has come up but only breifly so for now where just talking hobbies and interests ect Im also aware I dont want to jump the gun and take things too far too fast as I definately dont want to make a major mistake while trying to find the right man,thank you @Krishna Ill talk to you more as well if I need too for support if thats ok 

[Krishna]

Hi @LostAngel You're welcome sweetheart. And just remember, as I've reminded myself of recently, that happiness is an inside job. We have to practice remaining peaceful in our hearts no matter what the outside circumstances present. It's certainly not easy and therefore a practice and we can't rely on others to fill that void. That's too much of a responsibility to lay on someone else's shoulders. Just remain loving and kind to yourself and go with the flow. Always happy to chat and hope a lovely friendship develops for you. Take care xx