Lived Experience Forum

[girl99]

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change'

I thought this was an interesting quote.  What do you think?  I'm feeling stuck and unhappy in my life.

Is it better to do something....anything....that is different, than for things to just stay the same?

[NatalieS]

Hi @girl99

That's a very thought-provoking quote.  

For me, it's a day-to-day thing.  If my mental health issues are causing concern, my number one priority is staying safe and grounded, therefore there's not much I can do about changing my life.  Continuing to want to still be here is a battle in itself.

So, I guess for me, finding peace is what I want, so maybe all the therapy and medication and support networks and reaching out for help is a way of changing my life.  Depends on everyone's interpretation of what change is.

What do other forum people think?

[Shaz51]

Hello @NatalieS, @girl99,

I think it is a very interesting quote too

and yes it Depends on everyone's interpretation of what change is., I think small, changes , small steps are the way to go

what changes would you like to see @NatalieS, @girl99 , manageable ones

[girl99]

@Shaz51 @NatalieS

I'm just so stuck in my life right now, and have been for a while, that I feel like any change might be better than things staying the same.

I'd like to live somewhere warm by the beach, but that would be a major change that I'm not sure is possible right now.  I'm also pretty unhappy in my relationship, so I'd like to see if I'm better off alone, rather than being unhappy with someone.  But they are all such BIG changes.  I just can't stand the thought of things being the same a year from now...or five years from now.....

[Shaz51]

Hello @girl99, @NatalieS

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. -- I looked up this question on Google and it was interesting to read

[utopia]

Hi @girl99 @Shaz51 @NatalieS
I like this quote. It resonates with me today. This week 2 of my health workers have talked to me about change and motivation, getting out there and doing something. I think the reason it stuck with me this time, is they are talking about really small steps. Rather than a half hour walk - for me to only walk around the block. So it's not such a HUGE thing for me to do. Putting all the clothes folded and put away - too hard - just grab 5 things to put away today. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Small steps. They are manageable.
If I don't start taking small steps, then nothing will change. I'll still be in my depression hiding from the world.

[Owlunar]

Hi @girl99

I like what other people have written here - esp @utopia  - it doesn't have to be all or nothing - but over time - small changes can make life change - I have experienced this for myself

And it's important not to change things for the sake of changing things - it needs to be part of a plan or what might become a plan - so - a bit of my story

My priest was seeing me for growth councelling and one day he told me he couldn't change anything in my life - I had to do that myself - and it must have been the right thing at the right time because I started changing things and kept going - a rough road and far in my past now but I did change things - in time - changed my whole life - even my name - after I was divorced

So - about staying in an unhappy relationship - not one can tell you the answer to the question because only you know your long term aim - my own marriage was sad - I was desperately unhappy - it took me years to realised that my husband was depressed and grieving the deaths of his father - his brother - and our son - and yet he never shared any of this with me - it took a hell of a lot of insight to find that

So for you - and I forget what you wrote now - I will look back and see - your relationship is as complex as anyone else's so you need someone to talk to about it - everyone does - and to get divorced you must have councelling - or this was the case when I went through that process - it is a time when all the bitterness possible will rise to the surface and you need support

So - this is the long way of saying yes - you do have to change things - no one else can do this for you - and you need to have a plan and for that you need to talk to someone and change for the sake of change is not the answer - but bring it to the forum family - we don't know who anyone else is here - but boy - do we ever open up

All the best  

Dec

[BambiFawn]

They say a change is as good as a holiday.  I love to do new things, new hobbies, go to new coffee shops with my friend. Thinking outside the box or window and not being so subjective but adopting lateral thinking.  When depressed, it's like having tunnel vision or being too subjective, we need to look at all options and think laterally and open the viewfinder.  

[NatalieS]

Great insights, @girl99 @BambiFawn @Owlunar @utopia @Shaz51

I don't believe in change just for the sake of change, but I do agree that some movement and taking small steps (like doing something a bit different or going somewhere different) are the best.  And as was mentioned previously, when depression hits, it can be difficult to even do anything, so even just getting through a day or a week or longer is moving...oh, I am rambling but I hope I'm explaining myself...

@girl99, you seem to be talking about major decisions here, but please take time to think things through and maybe get some counselling for support before you make any changes.  And yes, we are always here for a chat or to vent or to question...I get so much support here on forum land because we are all anonymous!

Take care. 

[Mazarita]

Hi @girl99, I have made major changes as snap decisions at times in my life (I have bipolar). They have led me to where I am now, which is in some ways better than where I was (for one thing, I do now live in a warm climate near a beach). But, not having thought things through properly, not having good support or even understanding in myself that these were seriously dramatic crossroads in my life, I went through a lot of growing pains in the process of acclimatising to the new conditions of my life. In fact I went manic for about five years and then crashed, but that's me. 

All of this is just to agree with others here that big change is best done with careful thought, planning and support. Especially if we are struggling with mental health conditions. But I wouldn't say don't make those big changes, even if the ideal conditions are not in place. I am not sorry I did things the way I did really. Actually, given who I am, I'm not sure I could have done it any other way.

So, confusing advice, as it's come out here. Not really meant to be advice. Just sharing my own experience mainly. Best wishes on your next steps in life.