Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Hurting2311]

Hi all I'm new to this but am extremely worried about my 18 yo daughter who decided about 2 months ago that she doesn't really need to eat as she's never hungry! I try and make her favorite foods but this is not helping. Her mind set is that she's fine she's already underweight and is wanting to lose a considerable amount more. What can I do??

[Catcakes]

Hi @Hurting2311,
I can imagine how worried you must be, I am a Mum as well and at 18, it’s a time when you want your kids to be increasing independent as they step out into the world.
I feel the most important thing is to keep a loving form of communication going with your daughter. Tell her honestly how concerned you are and encourage her to attend a GP appointment as soon as possible.
There are many on here who have more experience with Eating disorders
@Faith-and-Hope so I’ve tagged at least one
And the @Former-Member.
I hope you will gain some support, suggestions and courage to deal with your daughter’s illness.
❤️

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for tagging me @Catcakes ..... 💕

Hi @Hurting2311.  I am so glad you have found us here at the forums, because apart from anything else, you are going to need support to get through this.

I would suggest, while this is still in its relatively early stages, that you try to make a deal with your daughter ..... that you will be accepting and supportive of her decision if she clears it with a dietician first, and ask to attend along with her so you are all on the same page.  

You need to be careful how you present this to her .... eating disorders are about control issues .... if you present this as an ultimatum, she is more likely to refuse it and you have a locked in power dynamic happening.  Keeping to “I statements” is advisable, and opening with something like. “I am concerned about you and would like to understand better how I can support your personal decisions.  I am lacking in confidence about this, and I would like you to come with me to a dietician to help me with it.  Are you open to that ?”

One of the hardest things to come to terms with regarding any mental illness .....and eating disorders are a mental illness, not about the food itself..... is that as an adult your daughter has a full entitlement to her own decisions, even if they are harmful to her, unless she is found to be a danger to herself or someone else .... and she can refuse to attend a gp for assessment.

I have a husband with an undiagnosed, well hidden eating disorder, but it is progressively catching up on him.  It won’t remain hidden.

Good luck with it all ..... we are here to walk along with you and help you manage the journey.

💜🌷

[Pebbles]

HI @Hurting2311 🙂 welcome. 

As you can see there are many wonderful members here within the forums, thank you @Catcakes and @Faith-and-Hope 🙂 I hope you can find some support and interesting information here. 

Thank you for sharing that information with us about your daughter. I think it's fair to say that we can feel very isolated when supporting loved ones, I hope you begin to feel less alone as you connect with others here. 

Perhaps contacting The Butterfly Foundation or the Sane Help Centre on 1800 187 263 for more 1:1 information, support and referral. The Butterfly Foundation have some great information on the website which is linked above. 

It can also be helpful to use the search function on the forum, if you type eating disorder into the search icon a number of threads pop up. Here is on from a Topic Tuesday on disordered eating & recovery: Building & maintaining hope, which you might like to have a look at. 

In the mean time, may I ask if you are doing things to care for you? I'm asking you this because often a carers focus can be so much on caring for others that they can forget to care about themselves. Looking after you throught is of vital importance too 🙂

Pebbles 🙂 

[Hurting2311]

Thanks so much for kind words it's all very new to me and wasn't sure where to turn.

[Hurting2311]

I'm trying to gain as much information as I can to help my daughter and for the moment not thinking about myself, but will look into the suggestions you lovely people have provided

[Faith-and-Hope]

I don’t want to overwhelm you @Hurting2311 .... so let me know if you have more questions, and I and others will help you as much as we can.

One of the first things I was advised by eating disorder counsellors was to learn as much about this illness as you can because you will need to understand “how it thinks” and what it’s parhways are.

Here is the link for the most comprehensive booklet I found -

http://eatingdisorderscarerhelpkit.com

The booklet is Understanding Eating Disorders, produced by The Eating Disorders Association Inc Queensland.

Also EDV - Eating Disirders Victoria - https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au

These are by far not the only resources available to you, but they have been my mainstays and may be helpful to you as a starting point in any case. See how you feel. EDV helpline has been invaluable.