Lived Experience Forum

[Phoenix82]

Hi,

I am new to this. I just posted in another forum about workplace prejudice.

I had a major depressive episode a year and a half ago which involved multiple stays in hospital and a suicide attempt. I decided that since I had so much time off work and because work had remained supportive of me that I would be honest about why I was on leave.

When I left hospital and began growing stronger I felt very strongly about breaking down the stigma and was under the impression I was doing a good thing, bringing it out in the open.

In the last few months I have relapsed, every day is a horrible horrible struggle. But I push on, I keep in regular contact with my psychiatrist, psychologist and gp who have been wonderful. I approached work about it as one of the bosses said he was concerned about me. I thought I was good at hiding my struggles, but he being a sufferer of bipolar saw through it. Thinking I was doing the right thing and speaking to someone who would understand I spoke to him about treatment my doctors were suggesting, about taking every second Friday off to have ect.

I didn't anticipate his response. He did a backflip and was more concerned about me taking too much leave, letting down other people and not getting my work completed (I'm not sure where that came from because I've been getting all my work done on time even doing over time dispite what I am going through).

The stigma is there, and it is still strong. On top of having to deal with the weight of depression and then listebing to my boss confirm everything I already feel about myself, I just don't have the energy to fight it. I'm hidin it now more than ever, I appear at work with a smile on my face even though I am dead inside.

It feels like people are genuinely coming around to pregnancy and maternity leave, but leave due to mental illness is still taboo. That has been my experience anyway.

I honestly wish I had never come out about it. The stress of wondering what they all think of me, being a failure, a burden is just crushing me. It was a mistake to be that open.
Xx

[DefiantPanda]

I really feel for you, what a stupid society we live in where our employers actually think they own us. If we need to take time off I honestly don't see the point in making people feel bad about it - what is their argument? Oh there are heaps of people who would bend over backwards for us to suit our needs if you won't - yes, only because in this society people are treated this way by their employers. If things were right we would all be allowed to take time off when we needed it. This expectation that people work so consistently - if I am willing to lose a day's pay here and there, what is the big deal? Is the world really going to end? No. I don't think so. And to say that someone with mental illness doesn't work as hard as someone without - again it's all a part of this punishing culture we live in.

[Mosaic]

Thanks for posting @Phoenix82 I am sorry to hear your employer has been unsupportive. It is so unfortunate that there still exists so much workplace stigma and prejudice when it comes to mental illness. I was glad to see you have contributed to this post. Hopefully with more campaigns like this, we can stamp out workplace stigma for good.

You might also be interested to have a look through this recent Topic Tuesday thread, which considers how to manage mental health in the workplace.

Many of the Forums members have walked though something similar to yourself in the workplace. I wonder if @chookmojo  @Eagle  @Crazy_Bug_Lady  @Tess  @Mactown  @cathtastrophe  @Appleblossom can you relate to Phoenix82’s story in any way? Please feel free to jump in and share your own thoughts on this.

All the best,
Mosaic.

[chookmojo]

Hi @Phoenix82,

Sorry to hear that you have been having such a rough time, and in the face of a disappointing lack of support at work to boot.  I love you username though - Phoenix are born anew from their ashes, and I hope you too feel like you will rise up again after all you have been through.

I tend to be more of  an advice giver than a sympathiser, so please don't be offended by the following suggestions - this is simply an outline of EXACTLY the sort of thing I have done, and would do again, in a similar situation. Maybe you will find it useful.

*****

Have you spoken to HR about the internal process at your place of work for requesting a change of hours? I know at my workplace there is a set of paperwork that must be completed as well as a formal process for determining whether or not it is acceptable. That would be my first port of call. While there it might be worth asking what restrcitions and policies apply to taking leave for illness/medical treatment - you don't have to sepcify that it is for a mental health issue, they are considered the same under the law. HR is also expected to uphold confidentiality.

Likewise your manager is excpeted to have discretion and not blab this sort of thing about, so if there is any hint that it has gone beyond just him, that is an issue to bring up to HR in itself. If he has kept this private information to himself then you don't need to worry about what 'they all' think, because only he should know (and in this case he should certainly know better!).

Once you are armed with the business' expectations and policy and procedure around this sort of thing, the next step - which  may feel like something very difficult -  is to request another meeting with your manager to discuss a formal but temporary reduction in work hours. It MAY be that in your last encounter he did not appreciate that it was a formal request, and perhaps thought you were just bouncing the idea around to see what he thought. He MAY have been hoping to hear specific deatils of how you planned to manage your workload. Let's give him the benefiot of the doubt for now.

It is reasonable for a manager to be concerned about your work getting done - though a GOOD manager will work WITH you in order to make sure this is the case in times of siginificant distress -  it is also reasonable for you to expect to be accomodated in a temporary change if you can demonstrate that your workload and the business will not suffer as a result. 

This time bring to the table all appropriate paperwork, your work plan for how you will manage to get your work done in a nine day fortnight (or ask for his input in creatingone), and any supporting documentation that shows you have been meeting your work goals etc. If he is still reluctant, ask him to elaborate on his concerns, (what SPECIFICALLY is he worried about - not just general worries), and address them individually. You might offer to do this in writing.

Remind him that you are seeking this reduction in hours in order to ensure an ongoing sustainable state of mental health which is directly beneficicial to your role. You will be able to work more effectively in 9 days if you are mentally well that you can in 10 days if you are struggling to cope. You can point out that scheduling time off allows you to plan your workload and is much more efficient and sustainabale than pushing yourself to the point where you then require unscheduled time off.

All of this helps to cover the manager's butt, which tends to be a big concern when taking a 'risk' like adjusting an employees hours. He needs to be able to account for and justify his actions to his own manager and to the business, and may be concerned that if you fall behind on work that it will reflect poorly on him.

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Hey @Phoenix82
I know what you're going through. And it sucks. Sucks that you are going through it. Sucks that I am going through it...
Although I ended up with the opposite problem, which I have posted about on here before.
I disclosed my MI to my manager. Not long after I had to have a meeting with HR (due to an unrelated incident) and was told to take time off.
As a result of my disclosure of my MI, I was forced to take leave. I have had my duties changed, and changed again.

I think @chookmojo has some good advice.
As I said, I have a different experience. I would possibly get a doctor's note. I need to get a certificate to prove I am capable of working full-time, maybe you should get a note saying you would benefit from having a day off a fortnight??

[Tess]

Hi @Phoenix82

I'm sorry this has been your experience, it sounds so much like mine. I have been dealing with my mental health at work for about 7 years now. And I've had a large range of responses, from really supportive, to really really bad. At times I've felt that I should keep it hidden, and at other times I've chosen to actively fight the prejudice.

What I've found particularly is that when I'm well and talk about managing my mental health everyone is all very supportive and positive.  The minute I start struggling then that disappears. 

One thing I've noticed, and this is just my observation no professional opinions here, is that people I come across at work who have their own mental health issue or have a close family member who does can sometimes be the most judgemental. It's like they have to deal with it outside work and so don't want to know about it at work and don't have the patience for someone with a mental health issue when they are at work.

I have a few suggestions that might help a bit, sorry I don't have any answers though, but do know that you're not the only one experiencing this prejudice.

a couple of suggestions,

can you talk to a different manager about managing your health?

get Drs certificates or letters for any time off that you take

keep a record of all conversations about your health

think about the language you use when you talk about it at work. I've found a small difference when I refer to my bipolar as a "medical condition" rather than a "mental illness". I always talk about being "unwell" rather than "depressed"  

All the best

Tess

[Phoenix82]

Thank you all for your responses. I have to admit as soon as I posted I wished I hadn't as I was fearful of being judged. But you have all been wonderful, thank you.

Your responses have been very helpful, the suggestions and even the similar experiences make me feel less alone in the fight against the stigma.
After reading your responses (some of which were quite similar to what my psych said to me) I realize that my delivery of the issue to my manager may not have been the best. I think that is something I need to work on, and to be more confident with the delivery.
The firm I work for is quite small with no official HR department, basically this manager is it haha! I am trying more to think about the risk they are taking, which is fair, they are running a business after all. When I was sick a few years ago it all happened quite suddenly and as is the nature of mental illness it was difficult for my doctors and I to know when I'd be back at work. The impact at work was something that stressed me no end while I was in hospital, I even remember losing it at the doctors because I wanted to be released so I could get back to work. If I am realistic, it is only natural that it would concern them from a business point of view. I could have better explained what my plan was and that My intention was for it to have as little impact on work as possible (except for the day off).
Thank you all again, you have helped me see things from a different perspective (which is very hard to do when depression clouds your view!). It has helped me realize that I have some control over it as well, in terms of how I communicate about the illness and being more direct.
Also, some people are just never going to accept it because they are unable to open their minds. It is more a reflection on them than it is me.
Some days it seems impossible to keep going, but I will solider on 😉

[Appleblossom]

Welcome @Phoenix82 like your courage and honesty.