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Why lie?!

so about 2mnths ago I was suspicious that my partner was chatting to other women and I had this feeling for a while. I finally decided after asking and getting no where to go thru his phone which came up with multiple pics and videos that had been exchanged with women. I then asked him about and he said yes he had met up with 1 but only to drop some stuff off to her and didn't believe him at all so I decided to msg this girl a month ago and she responded a week ago saying she had no idea about me and the kids and felt guilty (wasn't her fault) she also showed me a msg that he had sent to her a month prior saying im sorry I have a family please don't tell her anything.
We had quite a good conversation and she came out with all the answers I needed to know. They had met up once back in April (I checked my msgs from back then between partner and I and he had a diff story) she also said that they were going to meet up again on a date a month later and it worked out to be the same date as i miscarried.
We had a good/great sex life but during covid our let our hair down nights became an everyday thing for him as i am working i knew but didn't know how bad it got. After confronting him with all the facts he then somehow made it my issue as i didn't have time for him (he was out every night) 😏
He then blamed her saying she was all over him and what was he spos to do 🤔
I told him I needed my space and took off my engagement ring he then started to accuse me of cheating (I am loyal to a fault) and started crying saying he would harm himself, that i dont care about his feelings and it meant nothing.. ao last night I thought i would let my hair down a bit and as we were becoming touchy with each other I couldn't get what happened out of my head, at the start he was cool and gave me my space to breath but this morning he has woken saying last night was a waste of time.I love him we have been through so much together but I dont trust him. He doesn't understand how hurt I am considering when we met he knew that cheating was a big "NO" for me and he agreed
He is constantly looking over my shoulder if I am on my phone and becomes very over the top when he doesn't get the answers that he wants me to say and it makes me nervous.

3 REPLIES 3
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Re: Why lie?!

@CompletelyLost  Welcome to the forums.

I really am sorry this is happening to you. I think deep down inside, you know what might be best for you, but doing it isn’t easy. Mutual respect in a relationship is really important.

 

I was concerned reading how he blamed you and threatened self harm. It sounds manipulative. I would recommend seeing a counsellor. Take care of yourself. 

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Re: Why lie?!

Hi and welcome, @CompletelyLost , it's good you've joined. I'm sorry to read about your hurtful situation. 

 

I would echo everything that @Maggie  said above. It's not easy, I know. 

 

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and click on a member's name in the drop-down box, they will receive a notification that you've replied to them. 

 

I hope you find the forums supportive. All the best, @CompletelyLost .

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Re: Why lie?!

I have organised counselling for myself and I said to him that he needs to do the same. So either way I will be taking care of my mental health first before worrying about anything or anyone else.
Thanks! x
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