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Herbmeister
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Where does a problem start?

Where does my problem start?
I would think my problems started 80 days before I was born.
That was the day my father passed. I read recently the report why he died, kidney failure which lead to heart failure. He was 25 so as I am now more than double his age I should be happy right?
After my birth I had more the 2 years a happy childhood.
I remember around my second birthday a conversation between the head nurse and sister Blanka my first mother and the mother I have the best memories of. The head Nurse ask sister Blanka about me and that is is time for me to meet my family. (She stated because I had good fun hiding in the hallway and jumping out when I hear nurses coming pass.) Sister Blanka told her something like "his mother needs a new husband and she found one and will marry him soon. In the moment it would not be good as his mother is pregnant. Yeah, I was saved, at least for the moment. I may didn't like the change but I somehow had a bad feeling.
About 3 month later the day came that sister Blanka told me we have to separate; it was time for me to meet my family. I have 3 older siblings and a baby brother she said. To cheer me up she took a teddy bear from the shelf and gave it to me. She said because I always looked at this teddy and because she cannot have kids on her own, she will give him to me. I owned something; it was for a long time all I owned.
2 Nurses and a driver drove me home. I assume they drove the longest way possible so I could not find my way back.
The Nurses walked with me upstairs to hand me over. A man opened the door and let us in. I soon discovered this was my step farther. I stand in the living room, a sofa in front of me, a woman in the left corner next to my step farther. She was my mother.
My SF ask my mother who I am, “this is the last child from my late husband.
And why don’t I know about him? Wonder me now how many more children have you got you never told me about. My mother answered that she totally forgot about me”. He replied “you seriously want to tell me you are a mother that can forget her child?” The answer she gave him then was so stupid I thought. “you wouldn’t have married me with 4 children wouldn’t you” he asks her to repeat that and then walked out the door into the pub across the road. By this moment I discover 2 girls (my sisters) hanging around a cradle in which my little brother was. The older one started then saying to me “this is all your fold this is all because of you!” she replied this a couple of times and I say my first words with my family. My mother interrupted me and told me to go into the children’s room, she doesn’t want to see me now. I worked out the children’s room is to my right, I open the door and walk in. A boy inside (my older brother) He greed’s me with ah I finally got you, you are the reason my dad has died and I need to know now a name from one of your friends so I can take them away from me. Friends I thought? I don’t have any friend I have sister Blanka but I won’t give him her name, No way. He grabbed then my teddy and said he has to die now. He holds the Teddy on his legs and hit his head on the slide, again and again and again but the head just won’t fall off. Frustrated he ripped the ear of his head and then thru everything on the ground.
This was the first time I went to bed and hoped I would not wake up the next morning.

 

1 REPLY 1

Re: Where does a problem start?

@Herbmeister  That is a very sad history. I am so very sorry you have had to go through so much in your very young, tender years.

I don’t know how the years that followed after this were for you, but I imagine life has been difficult, again I am sorry.

I understand the difficulty of having a very bad childhood, though my circumstances are different, the feelings would be similar in ways.

You said you are twice the age your father was when he passed. I wonder do you now have children of your own? But you don’t need to answer my question.

Welcome to the forums. There are many of us here who understand pain. You will find caring compassionate people.

The @ brings a dropdown, that’s how you tag us into conversations, if you would like to. You are welcome to join any conversation you are comfortable in doing.

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