Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

I think so too @-Liz- 

as my mr shaz has cancelled all help now becase of it

[utopia]

They need to be careful before they open their mouths and add another diagnosis. 

I say leave that to the psychiatrist.

@Shaz51 

[Jenlet]

HOpe you find someone who can actually hold you in the space, someone who can listen, not give ancedotes or distract you with other methods that "might work". This is not a "holding" space. Therapist and counsellor that do this, do not have the depth usually only a qualification. Look elsewhere. There are some amazing therapists out there. Hakomi therapists have a great way of reading the body and also integrating through dialogue. ANZAP have a good list of therapists that are highly trained in disassociation. Find someone who can be present! Hope this helps. I've been on my own VERY LONG journey trying to find help. When I did, it was a life raft and totally life changing.

[Hope4me]

I sometimes see my sister dissociate while I'm talking with her. She zones out with this particular blank look on her face that tells me something I've said has triggered her.

While growing up my mum used to do it all the time. My siblings and I had a running joke about it, as kids do, and used to play a game with her when it happened. We'd tell lies like we'd had a fight at school or were walked home by a strange man. She'd say; "Mmm" Then we'd laugh.

These two examples are different; mum used to zone out due to worries and would go inside her head to dwell and leave the world behind. When we grew up we had a discussion about it with her and she made efforts to stop. She did well but occasionally it comes back so we tell her and she talks about her worries.

My sis does it to avoid speaking up and saying what's really on her mind. It's very reminiscent of childhood responses from her re vying for mum and dad's love. She was a very jealous and spiteful child who was really territorial around our parents.

The last time it happened, sitting at my dining table a few months ago, she just switched off and turned her head with a blank look. I knew immediately that talking about dad was the trigger.

I think as kids, our brains take over to avoid uncomfortable/traumatic situations or conversations. It becomes habitual and we continue to react this way as adults. In my experience, it's best to look at what's been said prior to it happening to identify the trigger and talk about it.

I used to suffer cruel anxiety when it happened to me. So by going over the day's situations or conversations, I started to recognise what the cause was; it was always speaking up for myself and fear of repercussions.

[Precept]

I had a therapist once who drove me nuts, made me angry, I felt unnecessarily, and because it appeared to be on purpose I acted on that feeling and cancelled our future sessions.  I felt it was a positive move to be standing up for myself.   On the subject of dissociation, I am thinking I have experienced it during my earlier years, but it changed a great deal by the time I reached 21.

I had childhood trauma a few times before the age of 10, started getting panic attacks in early high school years, did very poorly and was made to leave school, then lasted 2 years in paid employment from 16-18 years before major depression and suicidal thinking took over my life.    In the lowest, most stressful moments when I lost control,  or tried to hurt myself I would blank out, and come to later and I would have walked for miles, or would be driving, it was exraordinary.    That I had done those things at those times resulted in me ending up in a place where people could find and help me.  Once I was in a group of people playing sport in a field and I blanked out and came back as someone was calling my name.  Where did I go in my head that day?  I have no idea.  After years of suffering without relief, I finally broke the surface and was able to breathe again.  I tend to be quite a loner, but have a few good friends.  I have not been diagnosed with DID, so am not an authority on how to cope with a greater degree of dissociation involving named identities.   If I had an alter back during my tough years, it remains unnamed.  I remember constantly having thoughts in my head for years, then suddenly it all stopped and went quiet.  I did lose a best friend around the age of 12 and I have no idea what happened, she never talked to me again, until a year ago when she contacted me, but when I asked what had made her stop wanting to hang out with me back then, she didn't want to talk about it, and said she wouldn't bother me again, still leaving me in the dark.  So it's possible something was said that I do not remember, I shudder to think what it would have been though.  Anyway, I am no longer desperate as I was, but suffer greatly with depression, and have remnants of PTSD.   I think the most pressing thing I could contribute is that life, as much as it is, has so much going for it, and it is worth taking the time to find therapists and a psychiatrist who are on the same page.   Peace and love.  (I havn't worked out how to 'start' a discussion, so apologise if this feels like a shanghai)  🙂