Lived Experience Forum

[CheerBear]

Never a silly question @Maggie! I'm doing it on my own. It's not as complicated or big as mandala madness (I think).

Love that you looked it up 🙂 I think it's pretty cool! I finished part 1 yesterday

[Maggie]

I certainly understand the :pile_of_poo::pile_of_poo:ing yourself @CheerBear . Taking a stand does come with a cost. I think I understand a tiny bit, ( though different completely) putting my letter together. I won’t be standing before a judge, ( seriously feel for you ) but there will be judgment, and maybe follow up. Sigh. And another sigh.

I had a feeling you had fallen big time @CheerBear . I do get that. I have only loved one person, not my husband, it was before he came along, though I wanted and tried to love my husband. So I understand all the insecurities and risks. Too late to tell you to be careful @CheerBear . 💙💙💙

Its been a number of things that has brought the soul searching to the front @CheerBear . Since Christmas Day. I’m wrestling hard, as per usual with me. Nothing comes easy.

[CheerBear]

I think you understand in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons, what it's like to need to stand up but to be super scared of doing it @Maggie. So long "keeping the peace" has been necessary but there comes a point. Our lease hasn't been renewed and is about to expire. I risked our house for this and I think I'll lose it. It's full on bananas 🙁

I felt sad to read that you wanted to and tried to love your husband. Also feel sad to think of loving someone but not being with them. Love is such a tricky one. I love music, rainbows, sour lollies, cats, my kids, glitter, laughing... Romantic kind of love - I'm completely clueless. It's scary and weird. I don't know what this is with this he person. It's a level of connection and tenderness and intimacy and mutual respect that I haven't experienced with one of his kind before and it's so unfamiliar to me I didn't imagine it was possible. So much to work through! So glad I have as many sessions with my psych as I do 😆

I'm sorry you're wrestling so hard Maggie 🙁 I don't think soul searching is easy for anyone. I think it's brave to reflect and analyse, to try and find clarity and to continue when nothing is easy. I get it's hard to talk about but I'm here listening and caring if you'd like to share more.

[Maggie]

Risking your home would send anyone into banana brain mode @CheerBear . I get the,” enough with keeping the peace” too. But it doesn’t diminish the scary stuff that goes with it also. 

I’ve always struggled with the “love” word @CheerBear . Coming from beginnings where it was non existent. But I do think we are all clueless with matters of the heart. There doesn’t seem to be logic in there.

Connection, tenderness, intimacy and mutual respect are all very important. It sounds like you are off to a good start. Your psych will play a very important roll in this. Not an easy road though. Is there an easy road at all??

I’ve been uncovering my well covered spark of faith @CheerBear . It’s so tiny, fragile and very very scary. I’m different now. My world views have expanded, my mind has too. It’s coming with a cost I’m not sure I want to pay.

[CheerBear]

Quick hi to all 👋 It's been a busy day and a bit for me. I stayed in the city with new friend last night and then went to my gig today. We had a great night last night though it went way too quickly. We're back at our house for the evening (kid and sibling free though sibling is calling by soon to pick up some stuff and meet new person), while I prepare for court tomorrow. I'm not feeling so good about it at all and am very much looking forward to it being over 😏😑

Wondering how you're going @Maggie? I'm sorry I'm so hit and miss at the moment. School holidays, no routine or structure and being a bit all over the place in general isn't helping me, but I'm thinking of you (all) lots. Sending ❤

[Former-Member]

So glad to hear your overnighter in the city with new friend went so well @CheerBear ... I think its fantastic. Certainly you are overdue for some happiness and someone to treat you as you deserve to be treated. No blame, shame or judgement from me about the circumstances of this new Mr. And I really hope you have forgiven yourself too, because it sounds like things are becoming increasingly 'permanent'. I hope sibling approves. 😀

I hope court goes well tomorrow. Maybe much easier than you expect. At least it will be over, and you can relax again. If you need to move out .. so be it. You've done the right thing to fight this. 

Sherry 💕

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  So good to hear last night went well. I thought of you, and hoped it was all, and more than you anticipated. Having him there tonight will hopefully help with the nerves regarding tomorrow.💜💜💜

Dont worry about hit and miss, it’s amazing you make it here at all, with so much going on in your life.

School holidays are hard enough.👍👍

It’s a hot one here today, and again tomorrow.

My Dr rang about X-ray results, so it’s back to waiting to see another specialist. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I will be thinking of you tomorrow, with everything crossed. 🤞🤞🤞

Try to enjoy some of your evening, a big ask, I know.💙💙

@Former-Member  It’s a big appointment for you tomorrow also. 💜💜 Looks like I will be crossing everything, fingers, toes, etc. I really hope you can find a way through this huge disappointment. Take care. 💙💙💙

[CheerBear]

Very early hi here. Coffee 2 already. It's going to be a very long day :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Thanks so much for your kind messages and support yesterday @Former-Member and @Maggie. As happens with me, I took a moment out to post here yesterday while Mr was on the phone and once it ended he had been hit with some huge guilty and conflicted feelings. I was left feeling like a shiny new toy which sucked a lot 🙁 We worked through it a bit but it was an emotional rollercoaster. Things with us are amazing and exciting and great until the reality of the situation hits and then it feels anything but OK. He's in the process of upending his whole life and it's big and scary for him. I'm stuck wanting to support him but not wanting to influence that in a selfish way. I don't know how to do that. It's ultra tricky and I know there's a very real risk I'll come out of this hurt. Me and my poor life choices 😏🙁

Another poor life choice - risking our lease to make a point and take a stand. I'm sitting here trying to prepare for the hearing today knowing there's only so much preparation I can actually do. I am super nervous and feeling very much like I want to take it all back, shut my mouth and sit back down quietly in the corner where I belong. Playing nicely would have been easier and way less risky. I have a terrible feeling I'm about to get my butt kicked.

@Maggiewondering if you're up having your first coffee yet. I'm sorry you're waiting to see another specialist. Imagining the feelings about that. The situation you're in isn't right at all 🙁

@Former-MemberI'm thinking from the post above that you have your psych today maybe (struggling to keep up with much, sorry). If so, that's a huge one for you. Really hoping it goes OK and you feel better for seeing her. It's brave to keep on keeping on when it's tough.

Sending ❤

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  I am so sorry you are going through so much.

Todays tribunal will be hard but a judge, presuming there will be one, is there for justice. What happened to you in your home was unsafe, for you, for the crew. You did the right thing. You had no choice other than to call in a professional. Any rational person can see that.

You might come out of this another way. I hope so.

I know the risk of losing your home is huge. But just for now, can you wait till you know more. It might not come to that.

I’m not minimiseing any of this at all, believe me. Big 💙💙💙

I’m also sorry the good that is happening is also a struggle. But his marriage was over before he met you, remember that. I hope you can both push through the other things trying to knock you down. Two are stronger than one.

I so wish I could stand beside you in person today, if only for support. But the fistful of hope I will be holding for you today will be tightly held, I can assure of that.

[CheerBear]

@Maggie, as always thank you ❤ For understanding, listening, not judging, being here/there. Really, really appreciated.

I can feel that hope. You'll be there in that room, being strong and standing up against things that are wrong right alongside me. Even if the outcome isn't what I hope it will be, that power, intimidation and control is still wrong. I hope this will be even just a tiny reminder that we too have rights. That's what this is about. It's so much bigger than the small amount of $ I am asking to have returned. I know you get that.

I'm flipping out but finding some fire in doing so. I can be tough when I need to be and can be articulate and sensible when it counts. Just gotta trust I wont crumble which is a fear I have when things feel overwhelming and scary.

Thanks Maggie. I hope there's some good in your day today xx