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Struggling with partners depression

Hi All,

I am new to these forums and hoping to get some support and guidance as I feel very lost and deflated in my situation at the moment. My partner of 10 years struggles with depression and has had two major depressive episodes over the last 2 years including suicidal ideation and self harm. When things get really bad for him he drinks a lot and uses drugs in his words “because he isn’t doing anything wrong” but upon reflection he admits it’s self-medication because he can’t cope with his feelings. But as a result of this self medication he has lied and broken my trust over and over in an attempt not to hurt me, but wanting to continue using and drinking. He is well linked into a psychologist and psychiatrist and is still taking anti-depressants. When he is well and in a clearer head space we talk a lot about things that have happened and what be both needed in those times. For him, he feels he needs his space when he is low to work it out himself and get himself right, and for me I have told him I need openness and complete honesty because the trust is broken. He has recently fallen into a bad patch over the last two weeks with amounting stressors of financial, work and friendship stress. I can feel him growing more and more distant, I try to help him and said I am worried about his increasing isolation, and encouraged him to try and talk to someone (even if it’s not me)…Every time we try and do something nice separate to talking about him and his mental illness I just get angry and frustrated because there’s amounting concerns we just aren’t address, so I struggle to be in the moment and connect in the relationship. He has been drinking and using drugs a lot and only telling me in retrospect, which I don’t classify as open and honest behaviour but it’s hard to put anything on his plate right now when he “can’t cope” and has said “he can’t deal or think about anything right now.” He has just asked for space to sort himself out and some patience on my behalf. It is so hard and exhausting, I am trying to do the right thing but I don’t know how or what to do, particularly when my needs in the relationship aren’t being met.

Hoping to hear from anyone else supporting a partner and any suggestions they may have as well as just general support. Sometimes you can feel so alone like you’re carrying the whole relationship.

6 REPLIES 6
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Re: Struggling with partners depression

I don't have a partner who has mental illness

.It is my son . However i do know it is so important to look after yourself. Especially when you are the carer for someone else. In this times of covid we have restrictions , but maybe you could get in contact with friends and family , just a chat and a laugh goes a long way . It is really hard to trust someone who is not always honest with you. I know this is the case with my son, I may not always have trust, but I try to hang onto hope. And I hope for you better times

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Re: Struggling with partners depression

i'm sorry to hear of your struggles with this.  you are a loving and caring partner, even if his depression is making him a bit of gritty hard work.

 

he is pushing away support, maybe because he knows you and how you operate.  have you been in touch with his friends?  he might start to talk to one of them if he has some, and maybe they can steer him towards him seeking help.  

 

i don't know how you'd go just making an appointment for him with his gp, if they're supportive with him..?  would he go?  at least it's a setting in which he can be expected to talk about how he's feeling.

 

sorry i don't know the answer.  i hope you both go well and find your way through this together.

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Re: Struggling with partners depression

Hello Smiley Happy

I am also caring for my partner and have come to this forum to chat with people in the same boat.

Thank you for sharing your story. Helps me realise I am not alone.

Unfortunately I don't have any advice or healing words for you as I am new to this..but I CAN say that you are not alone. Am sure you are worn down like I am, so I hope you allow yourself things that bring a smile to you. Sending you hugs.

Cheers

 

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Re: Struggling with partners depression

Hi ,I to am a carer for my partner of 28 years 

He didn't  always suffer from depression,but  the black dog has been around for about 22 years now and it's gotten so much worst 

I try my best I have 2 son's who lives are you pretty  well don't really include us ,I'm just holding on to them  ,as he just keeps pushing them away 

We have 4 Grand children that we can't,2 we see when they allow us,and th ee other 2 ,my ex daughter in law had taken them off us and our son 

He has just had another hip op 

His had all his joints replaced and suffered more pain than most people  yes his done it tough 

I live him to bits ,but I'm so tired of the sadness,negatively  I can't seem to make him smile anymore ,I'm so lost feel my family had slipped away and I can't do a thing about it 

I try but I'm the only one trying  

Feeling very alone and empty 

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Re: Struggling with partners depression

Hey @CAS1 welcome to the forums. I'm one of the moderators, just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone. I'm sure that you'll find heaps of supportive folks here who will relate to what you're going through, and we mods are always around if you have any questions or just looking for some extra support. Heart

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Re: Struggling with partners depression

Thanks I'm new to this so I hope I Get the hang of it🙏
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