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JekkylandHyde
Contributor

Spiralling a depression hole

I can feel myself spiralling into depression, it's probably a feeling alot can relate to. It feels like a chill through my body where my hairs stand on end and radiates to my head, it's a sign i know all too well and as much as i try to suppress it, it just keeps creeping up. I know the worst is coming. I've been stable for months, the gym is my outlet but I've been sick of late and can't train. My drinking has increased, my anger has increased and I feel like im going to hit the bottom of the spiral any day now. I have good friends, but I hate to burden my depression on them. I'm happy to lay in bed for days and not interact with anybody. I think knowing the worst is coming is probably the hardest part. I'm really struggling and I can feel those awful feelings of ending it all coming. I dont want to go to a hospital, I have a job in aviation and that would ruin my career. I feel hopeless, useless and not my usual fake persona i put on as i dont want people to see me as weak. I just feel so lost right now

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Spiralling a depression hole

@JekkylandHyde  Good morning JekkylandHyde can you make an appointment to see your trusted doctor? Even if it is just to talk with him or her it should really help with your mood.I know what you mean about exercise I find that if I dont go for my daily walk my mood starts to bottom out. My medication has really helped me with my moods. I am sorry for my brief resposne just feel so tired lately. I wish you well. Take care love greenpeax

Re: Spiralling a depression hole

Hi mate, 

I read your story & it could be me.. I to can feel that black cloud coming to me.  It's scary cause each time you don't know how far down it will take u?! Believe me I know that terror!   And the feeling of uselessness. I've been doing this for years. Up for months, or year, then desperately down!!    I workout everyday too & if I diddnt have that I think I would be a lot further down the line!  I rely on drink way too much & really have to keep myself in check there..., I also understand the anger & have to watch who cops it..  I don't know your particular circumstances so can't offer much advice. Just know that there are people who completely get you! Even if u don't know them.  I TOTALLY understand your reluctance to seek professional help..  I've done it ( many times) it sometimes helps. 
I try to keep my house clean, if it's messy the anger & resentment & depression can be crippling, pull myself into the shower everyday. ( I know some days u just can't get there), exercise daily, & try to speak to someone everyday. Don't isolate yourself.  You know as well as me, lying in bed don't help ;). You r lucky to have good friends & good career. I am 36 yr old mother & can count my friends on 1 finger! Don't be to scared to talk to your mates, they may understand better than u think. Don't overwhelm them of course, but just 'dip yr toe in' & u may be surprised.  Otherwise, answer some of yr replies here.  I would talk to u & I'm sure others would.. GOOD LUCK & I hope I've said anything that may be helpful 

Ange

Re: Spiralling a depression hole

Hey @JekkylandHyde I really relate to everything you've written here. How are you coping now? I hope you have been able to find someone to confide in, be it a doctor or friend, and please jump back on here and let us all know how you're getting on

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