Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Kaylah]

My dad is a paranoid schizophrenic and has had the illness for many years and was in and out of hospital when I was growing up. he moved out of home and went to live with my nan and was taking his medication and kept a job, I didn't see him too much but we kept contact, he'd always call me or text me. I recently turned 18 and I didn't hear from him until late that night and the conversation over the phone was pretty bizarre, I knew months before this phone call he had stopped taking his medication as he quit his job. He had been sending texts but were hardly legible and didn't make sense. I haven't realised how much this had been weighing on me, I feel so on edge and I just want to reach out to him, all I can imagine is him in complete isolation all day everyday. I know my nan would try and help but he won't listen and she is very old. Ive been texting her and asking her how he is, she says he has his good days and bad and that he mostly keeps his phone off and doesn't answer it, she said she'd leave him a note and ask him to turn on his phone for me. I am afraid if he stays off his medication any longer he could do something to himself. I've always been close to him and was the only one who would visit him in hospital when I was younger, I remember he said without me he wouldn't have been able to go on and get through it. I don't really know what else to say the stress is making me angry and emotional and I am snapping at every little thing, I just want any kind of advice, I am willing to do anything to help him. I haven't seen him in over a year. Idk guys I don't wanna make this post too long, just any kind of advice please

[Appleblossom]

It is a situation that would make anybody tense. We cannot help but care when they are going through a hard time.

I had a dad who struggled with the same diagnosis, but it was in a different time. We never had a phone call with each other.

I am glad your nan is involved as a stable base for you and your dad. He might have had genuine difficulties in his job, which is why he left ....

Texting back might help, he can read it when he switches it on.  

Can you visit them together or are they too far away?

Most important take care of you.

[Lunar]

Hello @Kaylah,

Welcome to the forums, that sounds like such a tough time with your dad, he is lucky to have you looking out for him. Firstly, I'd say it is extremely important to take care of yourself right now, perhaps talking to a counsellor or psychologist about your feelings of irritibility and the thoughts behind that might help you to cope a bit better? Are you currently linked in with anyone?

If you feel like reaching out to him then that might help ease your feelings even if that is by text, maybe you could talk to him about how he is feeling rather than focusing on the bizarre things he is saying, maybe asking about how exhausted he is possibly feeling and his concerns of feeling isolated. You could also check in and see if he has stopped taking his medication and possibly get him to see the doctor about this change?

Take care,

Lunar

[querentxyz]

Maybe you could write him a letter saying I love you and miss you Dad, hope you are OK and taking care of yourself and keeping healthy and happy, that sort of thing

[Former-Member]

This is so hard because I'm not sure he'll ever be capable of loving you, as a dad. I have 2 brothers with same diagnosis and they lack empathy big time, I love them but its 99% one way. Part of me wants to protect you and say RUN the other way, but its commendable when family step up. Just be self aware - know your boundaries, get acquainted with his Mental Health team or Case Manager. All the best xox

[Former-Member]

hello Kaylah, you are 18 and very emotionally mature, you have empathy, love and compassion. you have a father who is very ill and you want your dad back. The thing is that he has stopped his medication and probably isn't the same dad you remember which is gut wrenching. My adult son has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I have carried some of his pain since he was a little boy. he has changed. he refuses diagnosis. he is about him now. his sick side abuses and swears at me and tells me that it is my fault that he is sick. that hurts like nothing else I can imagine. Beneath the fog and rushing thoughts in his mind is my son. I have to choose whether or not I can cope with my ill son. A day at a time for me. Today I choose to be here for him when he contacts me. I will listen to him but not allow him to abuse me. you have to work out whether or not you are able to cope with your ill dad because you will be saddened on your first meeting. get some counselling, research paranoid schizophrenia and also take note of Tawney's response. She has lived with it. I wish you the best outcome and as others have said please look after yourself.