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Sylvia26
Contributor

Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hi there,

 

I am new to these forums. I'm joining to chat to likeminded people who can perhaps relate to some.of the daily things I go through and a bit of support. 

 

I have had schizophrenia, major depressive disorder, OCD, panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder for over 10 years now. I've been medicated for those illnesses for 10 years. 

Approximately 5 years ago I realised I am an alcoholic and for those 5 years have been attempting sobreity, now am currently sober almost 11 months. 

Since I was diagnosed and started treatment, I returned to work for short periods of time. It was always difficult to keep a job down. However, Ive managed to live independently and have a cat 🙂.

 

Recently, I haven't been doing so well, the last 4 years in fact have been difficult. Becoming sober has brought up possible childhood trauma that I am yet to deal with and a death in the family has brought upon grief and possible PTSD. 

 

Ive also had a few suicide attempts all last year. So I fight my intrusive and psychotic thoughts on a daily basis, whilst having to 'act relatively normal' for my friends and family. I'm open and honest with all my supports, doctors and family and friends. But to find good support and advice to cope come in bits and pieces over the years. 

 

Mainly my coping strategies currently are sometimes letting the thoughts, paranoia, delusions or psychosis just be there in my head as scary as it is because repressing it doesnt work. It usually passes within an hour or so. 

 

Fighting the suicidal thoughts is harder. But after my previous attempts, which I did not feel well afterwards I dont want a repeat of that. And I think as much as I think I want to die sometimes, or just want out, theres always a little part of Me somewhere in there that wants to live and fight. Because f!@k these thoughts and these illnesses. 

 

Its a hard Life and feels even harder when there is stigma attached to all my illnesses and when people dont understand why I can't just work or function properly some days. Its very frustrating to be also aware of this all whilst its happening. 

 

Anyway, happy to Meet people who want to chat. I'm also currently quitting smoking and I'm on day 19. So yay for me 🙂

 

I hope you guys are having a good or ok day today. 

 

 

 

 

10 REPLIES 10

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hey @Sylvia26 firstly welcome to our online community! I also wanted to say thank you for sharing your story with us, and just acknowledge for a moment how incredible it is to have such a long period of sobriety. This is truly an incredible thing, and what a wonderful mark of self awareness and commitment to your mental health Heart Big props to you from everyone here on the forums 🙂 Something that struck a chord for me in your post - "Fighting the suicidal thoughts is harder. But after my previous attempts, which I did not feel well afterwards I dont want a repeat of that. And I think as much as I think I want to die sometimes, or just want out, theres always a little part of Me somewhere in there that wants to live and fight. Because f!@k these thoughts and these illnesses. "

I love that disempowerment of your mental health symptoms and that empowerment of yourself, this can be really integral in recovery. Definitely it's evident you are an intelligent and strong person, so I am glad you do fight those suicidal thoughts. I am sorry to hear of the attempts and that feeling of heaviness that has come up. Other people within the SANE Forums have lots of strategies they could share in regards to managing suicidal thoughts, I hope you know you're not alone and we are all here to listen. How have you felt about everything since sharing your post with us? Look forward to speaking with you again Heart

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hi @nashy , thank you for your reply. 

 

Yeah I guess I didnt realise myself that there is a bit of me separate to my illnesses that wants to fight and keep living. 

I've always had difficulty separating my illnesses from myself and my personality that i forgot that I am just me with illnesses. Thanks for the reminder. 😉

 

I dont usually keep a journal as i find writing down my thoughts and rereading them is almost like going through them all over again. And i tend to reread my writing. 

 

Thats why I thought giving these forums a go might be beneficial for me as I am writing to others and not to myself.

 

Its good to be sober, finally. It has its moments, like everything I guess, but quitting smoking is also.tough! Argh. Ive made it to three weeks now, so its meant to be easier now. 👍😁

 

Yes, the suicidal thoughts are bad at times, but if anyone does have any other strategies of dealing with them I'm all ears.

 

Today is a good day. 😊 sending out positive vibes to everyone! Hope you have a good week! 

 

Chat soon. 👍😊

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hello @Sylvia26  and welcome to the forum my friend

letting you know you are not alone xx

my husband has been diagnosised with major depressive disorder, OCD, panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder foryears and now Inherited depression and Bipolar 11

@greenpea, @TAB , @utopia 

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

@Sylvia26  Hi Sylvia26 and welcome to the forum 😄 (thank you @Shaz51 Heart for the tag). You are definitely not alone I have schizoaffective disorder and have a son2 with autism, epilepsy, a intellectual disability and schizophrenia and a daughter with chronic depression plus a son1 who is yet to be diagnosed with depressive symptoms.

 

When I wasnt medicated properly I had many su thoughts what helped me was exercise and more exercise. Walking, running and swimming really helped. Now that the meds are right I no longer have these thoughts.

 

Looking forward to seeing you around. Love greenpeax

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hi @Sylvia26 .  I think you are a very strong person. I can see the battles you have won. These are not small things you have achieved. I think that recognizing that there is you in there and your illness is a separate entity is really important. I agree that having the correct medications are paramount but also exercising helped me as well. I think that having that time to reboot and get your thoughts in order can help and somehow exercising can help with that.  I wish you the best.

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hi @Shaz51 

Thank you for your reply. 

I can relate to.your husband as he has most of the same illnesses as I do. 

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. 

 

Ive had difficulty in meeting people with the same illnesses as I have and so apart from the supports i get through the NDIS, and my family and friends, it gets lonely in regards to relating to someone with similar illnesses. 

 

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

 

I hope your husband is doing well. 

 

😊

 

 

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hi @greenpea thanks very much for your reply. 

 

Thanks for sharing your story with me, it makes me feel less alone. I do find I feel better when i exercise, however, due to.the major depressive disorder, finding motivation is often a problem. Plus, sometimes getting out of the house is difficult. Just going through a bit of a rough patch I suppose. 

Some.days are better than others. Sometimes its a matter of pushing myself too. But people tend to trigger my paranoia, so sometimes I like to swim, but then I have to deal with the after effects of paranoia for a couple.of hours. Going for a walk is similar. I always feel.as though as I am being watched. It has always been this way. I guess it just became more difficult when my 'coping mechanisms' ie. Drinking and smoking were stopped. At the same time though, without the drinking and even without the cigarettes I feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin. It just gets harder to cope with the paranoia and day to day psychosis. Anyway, I am babbling. 😂

 

Thank you very much for the advice. 

I hope yourself and your children are doing well. :ok_hand: ❤

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hi @Calmblueocean 

Thank you very much for your kind words. ❤

I feel.strong sometimes, but also very weak and hopeless other times. But yes I do find that exercise does help, its gets a bit difficult for me to.do sometimes, lack of motivation and paranoia are my main reasons for not wanting to do.it usually. 

 

But yes I agree for mental health, even a walk is beneficial. Its almost like a.double edged sword for me to just get myself outside as I suffer paranoia in public and intrusive psychotic thoughts. But on the other hand if I sit at home all day, I feel.worse. So its just a matter of accepting that I have these thoughts wherever I go and just getting about my day. After 10 years i still have trouble accepting my illnesses. 

 

I'm seeing a psychotherapist today for the first time, so I hope that helps. 😊

I've seen SO many psychologists in my life its almost disheartening, but there are some not so good ones out there unfortunately. A couple have helped me over the years thats about it. 

 

Regarding medications, I have changed my medications on various occasions. I think I have been on every antipsychotic that exists and every antidepressant. I'm also on mood stabilizers. Side effects of all these medications have caused some serious issues, sleep problems, weight gain, headaches and many more. But no matter how many times I change my meds its pretty much the same with my symptoms. 

 

Thats why I had to.get sober and quit smoking and I keep.trying EVERYTHING I can to.help myself even though most of the time I feel like.giving up. Especially when therapy can sometimes make me feel.worse. I guess I just have to find the right therapist. And thats basically all I have left - to keep fighting. Because I dont want to.give in to these 'demons'. I can and will survive damn it. 💪 🙂

 

Sorry, ive gone on for a while. 

Thanks again for your advice. 

 

I hope you're having a great day! 😁

 

 

Re: Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

@Sylvia26 . Just wondering whether you tried other sorts of therapy besides the obvious ones. Do you like horses? You could join Riding for the Disabled.  Or any sort of pet therapy. Do you like any sports or other hobbies?  I know sometimes when i feel paranoid i don't feel like socializing or going out. Even simple things like drawing or colouring in is restful. Hope you feel better

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